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Monday, March 16, 2015

LIONS & TIGERS & BEARS (& OTHER ANIMALS) OH MY!!




Saturday, 3/14/2015, was National Pi Day & I missed it!!  Here are some cartoons to celebrate, anyway:







Let's start today's post with my favorite animal joke:

Farmer Jones goes to town to buy a duck. As he's heading home, he passes the local theater and notices that a film he really wanted to see is playing. Not wanting to miss the movie, Jones stuffs the duck in his pants and goes into the darkened theater. The duck has to breathe, so he unzips his fly.

He sits down next to two old ladies, Thelma and Maude. During the movie the duck gets restless and sticks his head out of the farmer's fly. Maude looks over, pokes Thelma and says, "Look at that!  I can't believe it!" Thelma replies, "C'mon, don't tell me you've never seen one of those before." Maude answers, "Yeah, but this one's eating my popcorn!"
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Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch. One asks the other, "Do you remember your worst day ever?" The other responds, "Yes, the day I had diarrhea!"
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A man in a movie theater notices a penguin sitting next to him.
"Are you a penguin?" asked the man, surprised.
"Yes."
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The penguin replied, "Well, I really liked the book." 
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Q: Why is Turtle Wax so expensive? A: Because their ears are so small! 

Q. What was the turtle doing on the fwy that caused such a huge traffic jam?  A.   A couple of miles an hour.

Q. Why did the turkey cross the road?  A. It was the chicken’s day off. 

Q: Why did the cow cross the road?  A: To get to the udder side.

Q: What has four legs and goes “Oom, Oom”?  A: A cow walking backwards.

Q: Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket? A: He made an illegal ewe turn.
Q: What does an octopus wear when it gets cold? A: A coat of arms.
Q: What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil? A: Use a pen.
Q: Where do cows go on Saturday night? A: To the mooooooovies.
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There were two cows in a field. The first cow said “moo” & the second cow said “baaaa.” The first cow asked the second cow, “Why did you say baaaa?” The second cow said, “I’m learning a foreign language.”
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There were two cows in a field. One of the cows says, “moo” & the other one says, “That’s what I was going to say.”
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 A priest, a minister, & a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, & attempt to convert it.
Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism & sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”
“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “& preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on the ground with his clothes torn & covered with blood. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision.”
The fastest turtle I've ever seen:



One of Tim Conway's best skits:
















If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?----fishducky