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Monday, March 30, 2015

WHAT'S-HIS-NAME & THE BIG BLUE OX


It's legends week, from my book "Fishducky's Fables".



Many years ago, Mrs. Bettye Bunyan gave birth to a very large baby boy and named him Paul.  By the time he was three years old, he could wear his father’s clothes.  (Understandably, his father seldom spanked him.)  By age seven, Paul could no longer fit in the family’s Prius and they were forced to buy a Hummer just to drive him to school.  As he grew, even the largest sizes at the “Big ‘n’ Fat” shops were not big enough.  Mrs. Bunyan had to buy old circus tents and alter them to fit her growing boy.  Paul was to become a very large man.

His parents became poor trying to keep him fed.  A whole steer lasted only a couple of days, and a bushel of apples was just a healthy snack.  He decided to go out and make his own way in the world.  He became a lumberjack--and a very successful one, at that.  After all, he could cut down a tree with just one swing of his axe.  Perhaps you’ve heard of his company, “DeforestationRUs”. 

One evening after work, he went to a local bar to have nine or ten large Cokes.  Sitting next to him was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen and she was just the right size for him--extra extra large!  She was crying and Paul wanted to ease her pain.  He said, “Hey, babe, why so blue?”  

She asked, “How do you know my name?”  He brilliantly replied, “Huh?”  “My name is Babe,” she said, “And I’m blue because I’m as big as an ox!”  He told her he thought she was perfect and asked her if she would marry him.  She said, “Sure, why not?  It’s not that I’m likely to get any better offers!”  The bartender, who moonlighted as a rabbi, performed the ceremony right then, in hopes of getting an even bigger tip.

Several years later, Paul was running out of trees and, with Babe’s urging, decided to go back to school online.  His family had always been plagued by misshapen feet, so he studied podiatry to see if he could help them.  One day, while taking a study break, he saw an ad asking if you were interested in finding about your ancestors and the derivation of your family name.  He clicked onto the site and typed in “Bunyan”.


Imagine his surprise when the information came back that the original spelling of his name was “Bunion” because that was exactly the problem that he, his father and his grandfather had suffered with ever since he could remember.  He changed his name back to the original spelling, completed his studies and became a licensed podiatrist. Babe was so proud the day he hung out his shingle which read “Dr. Paul Bunion Specialist”!!


You can click here to hear a song about lumberjacking.












The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with----fishducky