Fish Police: We’ve been herring a lot about you. Our sources say you used to be a card shark & now you work for the codfather as a hit man. We know you're one of his groupers--you all have your fins cut in a mullet. Admit it, you killed Susan Swordfish!!
Poor Sole: That’s a bunch of abalone!! I’m a prawn again Christian & I would never do such a crappie thing. For the love of Cod, I’m not gillty!!
F.P. How do you explain all those sand dollars you’ve been tossing around?
P.S. I make a very good living tuning pianos--I’m an excellent piano tuna.
F.P. That sounds fishy. We have witnesses who saw you with her, so admit it!!
P.S. They've scrod me before & they're just trying to screw me again. That must be why they say, “Keep your friends close & your anemones closer.”
F.P. Come on, tell us where you were last Friday--& don’t clam up on us!!
P.S. Last Friday I was seasick--I had a really bad migraine haddock so I went to the sturgeon to see if he could kelp me.
F.P. And did he kelp?
P.S. Yeah--I felt a lot better so I thought I’d catch some dinner. I was tired of seafood so I went to the Crabby Patty & ordered a hamburger; hold the grunions. I even had dessert; a piece of OctoPie.
F.P. What about Susan?
P.S. Susan Swordfish & I went to school together. I always thought she was as cute as Drew Barracuda so I thought I’d look her up after dinner. You know, just for the halibut.
F.P. And did you two reconnect?
P.S. I heard she was working at the Life’s a Beach Café so I went there. I saw her take her cute little wrasse into the ladies' room & waited until she came out; so I guess you could say I lobster & then I flounder again.
F.P. Holy mackerel, will you stop being such a pain in the bass? That story smelt finny. Are you trying to blame her murder on salmon else?
P.S. All right!! I admit I killed her, but I didn’t do it on porpoise!! It was self defense. At first she was friendly & she even flirted with me. She perched on a stool & was acting koi. She hugged me & said, “Oh, you squid!!” I took the bait & kissed her. She got all crabby & started screaming, “You little shrimp!! You're nothing but a clownfish. I like a fish with big mussels--I’ll krill you!!” She flippered out, picked up a hammerhead & was hitting me & acting ruffy. Oh, the inhu-manatee!! I felt as disoriented as the time I swam into a wall--dam!! I thought she was going to stab me with her nose. I pushed her away & she fell & hit her head--I swear I didn’t mean to hurt her!!
F.P. (note) After further investigation, we determined that he was telling the trout & let him off the hook.
A Swiss Army fish:
A fish-loving cat discovers karma
My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely----fishducky