Monday, June 8, 2015


Did I ever tell you that I once gave Bud a wig that I made myself?  He never wore it, but I thought it turned out nice.  I was a dental assistant when he passed the bar exam.  My boss, Dr. Taub, let me use plaster to form a wig stand & I wrapped yarn around dental cotton rolls to make the curls for a miniature (about 5" high) barrister's wig.  He said he loved it but I don't think he ever even tried it on!!

More about Dr. Taub's office:

Since many kids are scared of people wearing medical whites, we wore street clothes.  During the summer we could wear shorts.  Once, another dentist came over to pick up Dr. Taub to go out to lunch.  He questioned my boss on our attire.  I heard Dr. Taub tell him, “When most dentists are hiring a new assistant, they usually ask where she went to school.  I say, ‘Lemme see your legs, baby!’”  (This was obviously before the days of political correctness.)

That was a great place to work.  I happily did his banking & ran errands because he let me drive his new Ford Thunderbird convertible instead of my car.  He used to take two hour lunches so the receptionist & I would alternate weeks, staying in the office one week & taking two hours out the next.  We were only about five minutes from Santa Monica beach, so I could spend an hour or so on the sand, drive back & get cleaned up in his private shower before I had to go back to work.  Not too tacky!!

My folks used to babysit for me once a week so I could get out of the house.  I went jogging with my neighbor & later I took an art class.  I appreciated it so much that I did the same thing for Nameless.  Her pediatrician thought it was important for a young mother to be able to look forward to a regular time when she could go marketing by herself, read a book or just take a nap in her car.  I agreed!!

Interesting study: According to studies conducted at Northwestern University, men change their minds two to three times more than women. Women tend to take longer to make a decision, but once they do, they are more likely to stick to it.  At first, I believed this.  Now I'm not too sure.


1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
4. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
5. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
7. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
8. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
9. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
10. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
11. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
12. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
13. No, my powers can only be used for good.
14. How about never? Is never good for you?
15. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
16. You sound reasonable. Time to up my medication.
17. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
18. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message . 
19. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
20. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
21. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!
22. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
23. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
24. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
25. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

26. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. 

Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. 

He had no trouble with discipline that term.

This is like ROTC for ducks:

I had no idea they could even get into tuck position:

I don't remember if I've run this before:
Here are the lyrics:

Midnight – I wake up and remember
That I left the door open with the groceries outside.
Where the hell did I put my keys? Oh, look here they are
Underneath the TV Guide.
Mem’ry, what became of the short term
I remember the old days, I was sharper back then
If I eat fish and do the crosswords every day
Will the brain cells grow again?

I could swear I put those tickets right here in my wallet,
Now I’m late; I thought the show starts at eight;
I wrote that in my whatchamacallit.
Damn! What did I walk in this room for?
Maybe when I was younger, I took too many ’ludes.
Where’s that ginko biloba that I picked up today?
Oh, I left it at Whole Foods.

What the heck is that guy’s name?
He sings with me in choir.
Did I turn both of the burners off?
Or is my house on fire?

Shoot me, put me out of my misery
Or just leave me to wander Soldier Field Parking Lot.
If they ask, tell them I once had a memory too.
What was the question? I forgot.

A man in India has set a new world record for fastest nose typing. I think the most surprising part of it is that there was an old world record for nose typing---- Seth Meyers (& fishducky)