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Thursday, June 18, 2015

IF IT WEREN'T FOR MY PARENTS I WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE BEEN BORN!!


Parents have many difficult jobs.
Besides feeding & clothing their children,
they must at some point give
them the sex talk.
BuzzFeed showed how some children 
reacted to that information:

First, the parents asked the kids what they knew about the birds and the bees.

The kids’ responses varied quite a bit. 
This little guy came at it from a very scientific approach…

While this little girl took the more religious route…

This kid, whose older brother had beat dad to the punch, was basically like “duh.”

Next, the parents moved on to more complicated questions…
A for effort?

And this kid had a pretty accurate, while nontraditional, way of describing it all…
Nailed it.

But first things first, this little cutie needed a vocabulary lesson.


While some of the kids did their best to express their theories 
about where exactly babies come from…

Others were just not having any of it.

But this little one was just giddy about the whole thing!

When this little girl’s dad tried to compare a vagina to a pocket, she was not amused.

Through giggles, the kids asked lots of good questions…

And when this little dude found out his mom and dad got naked before they did the deed, he was like, “I can’t even believe it with you two.”

All in all, this kid perfectly sums it up:

Carole sent me these 2 jokes--thanks, Carole!!

JEWISH MOTHER
 
The year is 2016 and the United States has elected the first woman President, Susan Goldfarb.  She calls up her mother a few weeks after Election Day and says, “So, Mom, I assume you’ll be coming to my inauguration?”

“I don’t think so. It’s a ten hour drive, your father isn’t as young as he used to be, and my arthritis is acting up again.” “Don’t worry about it Mom, I’ll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. And a limousine will pick you up at your door.”
 
“I don’t know. Everybody will be so fancy-schmantzy, what on earth would I wear?” Susan replies, “I’ll make sure you have a wonderful gown custom-made by the best designer in New York.”
 
“Honey,” Mom complains, “you know I can’t eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat.” The President-to-be responds, “Don’t worry Mom. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in New York, kosher all the way. Mom, I really want you to come.”
 
So Mom reluctantly agrees and on January 20, 2017, Susan Goldfarb is being sworn in as President of the United States.  In the front row sits the new President’s mother, who leans over to a senator sitting next to her and says, “You see that woman over there with her hand on the Torah, becoming President of the United States?

The Senator whispers back, “Yes I do.”
 
Mom says proudly, “Her brother is a doctor”.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ITALIAN MOTHER

Giuseppe excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and that he is going to get married.

He says, “Just for fun, Mama, I’m going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.”  The mother agrees.
 
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house, sits them down on the couch & they chat for a while.  He then says, “Okay, Mama, guess which one I”m going to marry?”

Mama says immediately, “The one on the right. “
 
“That’s amazing, Mama.  You’re right.  How did you know? “
 
Mama replies: “I don’t like her."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
These are real notes written from parents in a Mississippi School District. (Spellings have been left intact.) 

My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. 

Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. 

Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on 
Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33 

Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip. 

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face. 

Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side. 

Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault. 

I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear. 

Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday. 

Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

Here are some pictures of really great parents:
Thanks, Shirley!!











Some instructional cartoons for you:








By the time children realize their parents were right, they have children who are sure they are wrong----fishducky