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Wednesday, June 24, 2015

BUD NEVER MADE THE TOP SEVEN





Oh, sure, he’s way at the top of the great husbands list.  He’s a terrific lawyer.  He knows how to rewire a house.  He’s had some of the same friends since grammar school, so you can’t fault him as a friend.  BUT, he never made into the top seven in the Cedar’s fundraising raffle!!

Way back in the 80’s, Cedar’s Hospital in Los Angeles used to have a yearly stag dinner & raffle to raise money.  Tickets were $2,000.00 each (which you could write off as a charitable tax deduction) & only 200 seats were offered.  Bud went for several years.  

The way they awarded the prizes was very interesting.  During the course of the evening seven tickets were drawn.  The first ticket drawn was given a new Mustang convertible.  The holder of the second ticket got nothing!!  The third ticket holder got a big screen TV, worth about $4,000.00 or so at the time.  The fourth ticket; nothing!!  The fifth ticket was good for another $5,000.00 to $10,000.00 prize.  The last two winners didn’t know whether they held the sixth or seventh tickets.  All they knew was that one of them would get a new Rolls Royce & the other would get--that’s right--nothing.  Bud says there was always a lot of negotiating between the two & offers to buy the other’s ticket or, at least, a half interest.  Whoever planned the raffle sure knew how to hold people’s interest!!
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Some raffle jokes:

A truck driver moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, but I have some bad news. The donkey died." 

"Well, then, just give me my money back."

"Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

"OK, then. Just unload the donkey."

"What ya gonna do with him?"

"I'm going to raffle him off."

"You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

"Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."

A month later the farmer met up with the truck driver and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"

"I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and I made a profit of $898."

"Didn't anyone complain?"

"Sure, but just the guy who won. So I gave him back his two dollars."
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Several days before Halloween, Tom, Dick and Harry were sitting in a bar enjoying a few quiet drinks, when they decided to get in on the Halloween raffle. Since the raffle was for charity, they bought five $1 tickets each. When the raffle was drawn a few days later, they each won a prize.

Tom won the first prize - a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce. Dick was the winner of the second prize - a six month supply of extra-long gourmet spaghetti. And Harry won the sixth prize - a toilet brush.

The next time they met at the bar, Harry asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes.

"Great," said Tom. "I love spaghetti."

"Me too," replied Dick. "And how's the toilet brush, Harry?"

"Not so good," Harry groaned, "I reckon I'll go back to paper."
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Two prisoners were talking.

The first one said. "I've got two tickets for the warden's ball.  Do you want to buy one?"

"No thanks," said the second guy. "I can't dance."

"It's not a dance," said the first prisoner.  "It's a raffle!!"












  
Two can live as cheaply as one, but only for half as long----fishducky