If there were a carnival in your
alphabet soup,
Would
only the “O’s” ride the Loop the Loop?
If the “A’s” claimed that first
was better,
Who would decide—another letter?
Why does the “X” in xylophone
sound like a “Z”?
Oh, please explain that one to
me!
“J” could go fishing, because of
its hook,
So why aren’t there any “J’s” in
a brook?
“K” sounds like “C”, or it
doesn’t make a sound,
But if you spelled cook “kooc”, you’d be sure to dumfound.
Neither “C” nor “G” can make up their mind
As to how to pronounce them,
which is very unkind.
“H” is so soft, it’s just like a
puff,
But Liverpudlians feel that they've used it enough.
“M’s” put together spell “mmm”
which means yummy,
Which is how M&M’s always feel
in your tummy.
“Q" is shy in public, refusing to
be seen
Without a “U” acting as its
go-between.
“T” is right there, at the tip of
your tongue.
It’s the beginning of every tune
you have sung.
“F” strikes me funny, since when
you write, I have found,
In upper or lower case, you turn
it around.
That “S” over there looks like a
snake.
I think you should hit it with
that rake!
“E” is for “Eek!!”, a sound in a
cartoon.
When you see a mouse, scream like
a buffoon.
Why isn’t “W” called double “V”?
It sure looks that way to me.
“D” is downright dumb, you know.
Put it with “oh!” and you have
“Doh!”
“R” is needed for a lion’s roar,
A sound that’s difficult to ignore!
“B”, as a capital, has two great
big bumps
Like a fat man’s belt that’s
showing his lumps.
“L” and “ll” sound just the same
except
In Spanish “ll” is “Y”, which I
cannot accept.
Without “P” we couldn’t be
“pretty” or “pout”
Or go “Ptooey!” when we spit
something out.
“N” is for “nasal”, when we talk
through our nose.
Use a Kleenex—don’t get that
stuff on your clothes.
“I” is for me. It’s just not for you.
That’s all 26--I am now through!!
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I ran this in January, but it
fits in even better here!!
This is a true story from notalwaysright.com:
Me: “Thank you for calling [internet provider]. How can I
help you?”
Caller: “Yes, I am trying to provision my personal modem for
your internet and I am having issues. Could you help?”
Me: “Sure. May I please have your modem id?”
Caller: “001, E as in igloo, A as in apple, 3251, E as in
igloo.”
Me: “So that was 001, Echo, Alpha, 3251, Echo?”
Caller: “No. E as in Igloo!”
Me: “Sorry, sir, but igloo begins with an I.”
Caller: “The heck it does! Igloo is spelled E-G-L-U-E. I have
a G.E.D.—you can’t pull one over on me, Mr. Fancy Pants!”
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When Nameless II was about 3, she was learning the alphabet. I was
naming letters & asking her to tell me what she saw in my house that started
with that letter. She correctly got B
for banana & T for table, but when I said R she pointed to a papier mache
armadillo. Like her mother, the kid has
always been logical!!
Speak softly and
carry a cellular phone----fishducky
