If there were a carnival in your alphabet soup,
Would only the “O’s” ride the Loop the Loop?
If the “A’s” claimed that first was better,
Who would decide—another letter?
Why does the “X” in xylophone sound like a “Z”?
Oh, please explain that one to me!
“J” could go fishing, because of its hook,
So why aren’t there any “J’s” in a brook?
“K” sounds like “C”, or it doesn’t make a sound,
But if you spelled cook “kooc”, you’d be sure to dumfound.
Neither “C” nor “G” can make up their mind
As to how to pronounce them, which is very unkind.
“H” is so soft, it’s just like a puff,
But Liverpudlians feel that they've used it enough.
“M’s” put together spell “mmm” which means yummy,
Which is how M&M’s always feel in your tummy.
“Q" is shy in public, refusing to be seen
Without a “U” acting as its go-between.
“T” is right there, at the tip of your tongue.
It’s the beginning of every tune you have sung.
“F” strikes me funny, since when you write, I have found,
In upper or lower case, you turn it around.
That “S” over there looks like a snake.
I think you should hit it with that rake!
“E” is for “Eek!!”, a sound in a cartoon.
When you see a mouse, scream like a buffoon.
Why isn’t “W” called double “V”?
It sure looks that way to me.
“D” is downright dumb, you know.
Put it with “oh!” and you have “Doh!”
“R” is needed for a lion’s roar,
A sound that’s difficult to ignore!
“B”, as a capital, has two great big bumps
Like a fat man’s belt that’s showing his lumps.
“L” and “ll” sound just the same except
In Spanish “ll” is “Y”, which I cannot accept.
Without “P” we couldn’t be “pretty” or “pout”
Or go “Ptooey!” when we spit something out.
“N” is for “nasal”, when we talk through our nose.
Use a Kleenex—don’t get that stuff on your clothes.
“I” is for me. It’s just not for you.
I ran this in January, but it fits in even better here!!
This is a true story from notalwaysright.com:
Me: “Thank you for calling [internet provider]. How can I help you?”
Caller: “Yes, I am trying to provision my personal modem for your internet and I am having issues. Could you help?”
Me: “Sure. May I please have your modem id?”
Caller: “001, E as in igloo, A as in apple, 3251, E as in igloo.”
Me: “So that was 001, Echo, Alpha, 3251, Echo?”
Caller: “No. E as in Igloo!”
Me: “Sorry, sir, but igloo begins with an I.”
Caller: “The heck it does! Igloo is spelled E-G-L-U-E. I have a G.E.D.—you can’t pull one over on me, Mr. Fancy Pants!”
When Nameless II was about 3, she was learning the alphabet. I was naming letters & asking her to tell me what she saw in my house that started with that letter. She correctly got B for banana & T for table, but when I said R she pointed to a papier mache armadillo. Like her mother, the kid has always been logical!!