(Reworked from a June, 2013 post.)
Some people have "Aha!" moments. I'm pretty sure MORE people have "Oops!" moments. A really funny one is the time Melynda got stuck in the window of her car. This is from her book, “True Nonsense”:
"Morning TV is Banned at my House"
(By special request for fishducky.)
I am sore!
I'm the Queen of Clumsy. I do weird things and end up in precarious positions that are generally painful. So you guessed it. I did it again.
After rounding up the troops and shaking the sleep out of their eyes I began preparing their breakfast and firing off orders in my typical drill sergeant manner.
As they were eating, though, I realized I had about ten minutes to do something I needed to do and ran out to the garage to gather my receipts.
Looking around I realized I hadn't fed the dogs yet so mentally calculating the time it would take to accomplish that simple task I ran and gathered their bowls, and fed the beasties, then headed back out to my car only to be stopped with a shoe problem.
You see Mr. P has to tie, not just double knots in his shoes, but triple and quadruple knots also.
I made quick work of the knots, after all I have had years of practice, then realized I didn't have my shoes on which seemed a little bizarre since I always wear shoes.
I ran into my room and slipped them on while texting Elisa and rescheduling our appointment for another time. Shoes on, text written and sent, I headed back out to the garage.
Why all the detail? Well it partially explains my frame of mind and the stupid decision that I made.
I got to the car and reached through the open window just to realize that what I had thought was my wallet was actually something else. (Oh, the joys of losing one’s eyesight.) I reached in a little further but couldn't quite reach wallet as the window was half way up.
I squeezed through the opening a little further and my feet started dangling off the ground. I'm giggling and thanking God my car is parked in the garage and none of the neighbors can see my posterior that is currently up in the air..
I thought to myself...
"Why didn't I just open the door? I would have been done by now.”
Which is about the time I realized something critical, I was stuck. That's right. MY FEET WERE NOT TOUCHING THE GROUND. I had no leverage. I shimmied trying to knock myself in the car but my hips were stuck on the window. I tried to back up, but I only got as far as my chest before I realized small chested or not, those puppies were not crossing the great divide.
I started fumbling for keys thinking I could roll the window down and let myself out. I dropped the keys. My only hope is that my children would come out and rescue me. I honked my horn and those buggers didn't come out. I honked again with the same result. My ribs were killing me and my breast felt like someone had taken a sledge hammer to them. Still I'm lying on a lip of glass, my butt and legs are starting to go numb, and I'm pretty sure something is touching my back. As I glance back the small white kitten from hell leaped off my mirror and onto my back. As she is slipping and sliding trying to hold her grip on my clothing and digging her claws into anything of substance (that's my flesh in case you were wondering), I reacted without thinking and bucked like a jackass being beat. Of course, she is now acting like a professional ice skater (again my flesh being the ice), and sharp shooting pain the likes of fire shooting through every part of my body, was indeed beginning to control me. I honked that horn like a madwoman! I was praying to God to let one of those bone heads in the house hear me.
Mr. P finally comes out and says, "What?" in a very disgruntled voice. Apparently he had heard me but was in the middle of a show so didn't bother coming out.
"Get the keys and roll the window down," I yelled.
"How am I supposed to do that when you’re on that side of the car?" he asked bewildered. For such a smart kid he sure can ask dumb questions.
"Go to the other side of the car. Reach down on the floor and hand me the keys!" I said through clenched teeth. Still he stood there.
"Why can’t you just pull yourself out?"
"Mr. P I'm stuck. If you don't give me those keys right this second I'm going to ground you until you are 100 years old and you will never get another treat from me. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"Well, yeah, but if I'm grounded till I'm 100 then you'll be like 200 hundred and…"
"Get me the FREAKIN’ KEYS NOW!"
Being typical Mr. P he took his time rattling on and on the whole entire trip around the car but he gave me the keys and I got out of the car and took him to school..
All of that took 11 minutes, and I banned any TV in the morning from here on out. I don't care if he's ready an hour before school starts, but by God, I'm not taking any chances.
I, myself, have seldom had an "Oops!" moment, except for the times I've fallen & broken bones, made an unsuccessful attempt at turning left, set my son's bathrobe on fire while he was wearing it & a few other equally minor things. Others have, though--some examples:
An "Oops!!" moment that happened to me:
We took our family to dinner at Lawry's prime rib restaurant to celebrate my son & daughter-in-law's wedding anniversary & my granddaughter's 22nd birthday. There were 9 of us at a round table. I was seated first & my son-in-law (the birthday girl's father) chose to sit on my left. We were all talking & laughing & near the end of the dinner we were chatting with our waitress. She told us that she had thought that my son-in-law & I were a couple because we obviously enjoyed each other's company so much. She thought I was a COUGAR!! I loved it!!
Some "Oops!" jokes:
Before going in for surgery I thought it would be funny if I posted a note on myself telling the surgeon to be careful. After the surgery I found another note on myself, "Anyone know where my cell phone is????????”
A blond entered the emergency room with both of her ears burned. “What happened?” asked the doctor. “Well”, she said, “I was ironing while I was watching TV. I put down the iron next to the phone and when the phone rang I answered the iron.” “Wow, that's terrible” responded the doctor, and what happened to your other ear?” “Well” the blond said, "I had to call 911, didn't I?"
Sam and Susan were invited to a costume party. Susan got costumes for both of them. However, Susan wasn't feeling well and Sam went to the party alone. A few hours later, Susan began to feel better and decided to go to the party. She realized that while she knew Sam was in a gorilla suit, he had never seen her costume, and decided to go and see what he was up to while he was alone. She arrived and observed him dancing closely with a series of beautiful women. She went to him and began flirting, and soon they were taking a walk in the woods alone. They then undressed in the darkness and had sex. She got home before her husband and when he arrived, she was in bed. She asked him, "How was the party?" He replied "Oh, the usual - you know I never have much fun at these things alone." "Didn't you even dance?" she asked. "No, I sat in the den all night playing cards. The guy I lent my costume to had a ball, though..."
A man goes into a drug store and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man's face. "What the heck did you do that for!?!" the man screams. "Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore do you?" The man says, "No I don't, you IDIOT…But my wife's out in the car & she still does!"
I tend to have an occasional "Oops!" moment with
my computer & I have to call my son for help.
The astronomical world was extremely excited recently when scientists discovered a voice coming from deep in the universe. It apparently originated milliseconds before the Big Bang. It said, "Oops!"----fishducky