Coco Chanel once said,
"A sinner can always repent, but stupid is forever!"
I realize I have done several posts on the subject of stupidity, but there's just so much material out there that I can't resist posting another one!! (Most of these are from ArcaMax, but the first one actually happened to Nameless.)
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north, because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, (and has for some time), she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving."
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car. It's designed to cut through a seatbelt if she gets trapped in the car. She keeps it in the trunk.
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.
I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman wearing a nose ring joined by a chain to her left ear ring. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned.
My girlfriend and I were picking up some sandwiches from the sub place last week and she asked the clerk which of two sandwiches was better. The clerk didn't have an opinion but did say that the first sandwich was more expensive. My girlfriend got a quizzical look on her face and asked, "If that's the case, why are they both listed with the same price on the menu?" To this, the clerk responded, "I don't think we add tax to the turkey."
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"
Recently, when I went to McDonald's, I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. ‘We don't have half dozen nuggets,” said the teenager at the counter. “You don't?” I replied. “We only have six, nine, or twelve.” “So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?” “That's right.” So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets. (Unbelievable, but sadly true. Must have been the same one I asked for sweetener, and she said they didn't have any, only Splenda and sugar.)
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code, she said to me, ‘Do you know how much this is?’ I said to her, “I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.” She said “OK,” and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened. (But the lady behind me had a big smirk on her face as I left.)
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. “Do you need some help?” I asked. She replied, “I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?” “Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?” I asked. “No, just this remote thingy,’ she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, “Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk...."
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, “I just gave him some ant killer......” Dispatcher: “Rush him in to emergency right away!”
I believe every one of these because I went to McDonalds one day and ordered a fish sandwich, a bag of fries and a coke. When I got to the window and paid she told me to go to window #2. I got there, the teen handed me the bag, and I asked "Did you remember the condiments?" and he said, in a very rude tone, I might add, "Ma’am, we do not sell those here, you can get them at the drug store or Walmart!" I broke up. I just totally lost it I was laughing so hard and that dumb kid was looking at ME like I was the crazy one!!!
I recently went to a Super Walmart in Indiana. I bought a nice big piece of Danish Blue Cheese. When I checked out, the young lady at the register looked up in horror and said, "Ma’am, this cheese is all moldy! I'll have the bagger go get you a new piece right away". I kept a straight face long enough to say, "That's OK, I don't mind, I'll just eat it anyway". I thought the lady behind me would die, she couldn't hold in her giggles. The girl behind the register had no clue...
This is from a waiter in a Chinese restaurant, who swears it's true:
Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”
Customer: “Yes. What are these?”
Me: “That is a fortune cookie, ma’am.”
Customer: “It doesn’t look like a cookie. Where are the chocolate chips?”
Me: “Ma’am, these are a different kind of cookie. You open them up and they tell your fortune on a piece of paper.”
Customer: “What kind of cookies have paper in them!?”
Me: “Fortune cookies, ma’am.”
Customer: “This is an outrage! Cookies are meant to be eaten, and paper isn’t EATABLE!”
Me: “Please, ma’am, the paper is--”
Customer: “Shut up! I’m leaving.”
(The customer begins to storm out but in her anger misses the door and walks right into the wall. When she finally stumbles out, I open up the fortune cookie and read its message: “Do not worry. You will get what is coming to you in life.”)