‘Twas the night before Christmas
and all through our shack
Nothing was creaking, except for
my back.
The stockings were hung by the
chimney with care;
Our dryer was shot so the laundry
went there.
The
children were nestled all snug in their beds
While
a police helicopter circled overhead
And
my wife in her nightie and I in my jammies
Were
wishing that we could move to Miami.
When
out on the lawn there arose a big noise;
The
police chopper’s spotlight was looking for some boys.
To
the windows and doors I flew in a fright
And
I tried to lock up the house really tight.
The
light from the chopper on the newly thrown trash
Gave
our dirty old alley a certain panache,
But
I was very upset when I saw
A
bunch of punks trying to hide from the law.
One
of the guys was exceedingly large
And
I knew in a moment he must be in charge.
More
rapid than eagles his gang members came
And
he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name
"Now, Knuckles! Now, Killer! Now, Scarface and Cruiser!
On, Slasher! On, Icepick! On, Slugger and Bruiser!
Smash
open a window! Break down a door!
If
we don’t get in there then we’re done for!"
As
leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When
they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So
up to the housetop, the homeboys are now
Determined
to get into my house somehow.
And
then, on the roof, I heard all those brutes.
Yes! The prancing and pawing of motorcycle boots.
As
I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down
the chimney the big guy came with a bound.
He
was dressed all in black, from his head to his feet
And
he said, “Listen, ‘cause I don’t repeat”
He
scared me because he looked oh, so rough
And
said, “As long as I’m here, I’m taking your stuff!!”
His eyes, how they twinkled, but
his scars, they were scary,
On his face like a road map and
his chin was quite hairy,
His droll little mouth
let out a big belch
Which not for a moment
did he try to squelch.
He whipped out a snub
nosed revolver and groaned
And I knew in a moment
he must be quite stoned.
He had a broad face and
a great big beer belly
And he needed a bath, he
was really quite smelly.
I saw the SWAT team as they snuck
into my house
And nobody heard them, not even
my spouse.
A wink of their eyes and a twist
of their heads
Soon gave me to know I had
nothing to dread.
They spoke not a word, but went
straight to their work,
And handcuffed the homeboys, all
of those jerks,
After arresting every last man
And giving a nod, took them out
to the van.
Then the head of the SWAT team,
to his men gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the
down of a thistle.
But I heard the big guy exclaim,
ere they drove him to jail,
“We’ll be back to see you when we
make bail”
‘Tis still the night
before Christmas and now all through our slum
Not a creature is stirring, not one drunken bum.
And Ma with her night
cream covering her face
Said, "I'd really like
to move out of this place!!"
If you missed my December 1st Christmas songbook,
& you'd like to see it,
Our Christmas card to you this year.
Open it from the right if you're Christian
or from the left if you're Jewish:
If you were looking for something with more of a holiday theme, click here for my 2014 Christmas post----fishducky
