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Tuesday, January 12, 2016

A LARGE DOG EXPLODED ON A BUSY DOWNTOWN STREET CORNER THIS MORNING. NO ONE WAS KILLED; HOWEVER, SEVERAL PEOPLE WERE OVERCOME BY FUR. POLICE ESTIMATE THAT MORE THAN 600 FLEAS ALSO LOST THEIR LIVES IN THE BLAST.--GEORGE CARLIN

We caught his show in Vegas once &
I laughed so hard my stomach hurt!!
He was brilliant, irreverent & very funny.
This is purely a Carlin post.
There is nothing I need to add.


HEADLINES FROM THE NATION
George Carlin; circa late 1970's

-21 killed in 21 gun salute.

-A 107 year old woman in Florida is reported to be pregnant. Physicians claim that because of her advanced age, she will have a grownup.

-Scientists have discovered a new disease which has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.

-A man has barricaded himself inside of his house however he is not armed and no one is paying any attention to him.

-The surgeon general has announced today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But only when swallowed in very small amounts and over a prolonged period of time.

-A woman was severely injured today when she tried to force breast feed a wild cat.

-Out at the lake in City Park, police have arrested a one-armed man who was bothering the other boaters by continuously rowing in a circle.

-A man at a tool and die company died today when he was hit with a tool.

-A man wearing a Have a Nice Day button was killed yesterday by a man who works at night.

-A Milwaukee man has been arrested for the illegal use of food stamps. He was taken into custody while attempting to mail a bowl of chili to his sister.

-Police fired over the heads of rioters today, however 250 people standing on the balconies watching were shot to death.

-Rapist swallows whistle.

-The head of the Lost & Found is reported missing.

-The Bureau of Internal Affairs had announced today that they have found another Mohican. Accordingly all of the books have been recalled and will be changed to read "The Next to the Last of the Mohicans".

-A vegetarian was beaten to death by a meat packer.

-A high speed chase ended today when the car stopped and the people got out.


If you watch this,
you'll probably want your children out of the room.
7 WORDS YOU CAN'T SAY ON TV
























 Rest in peace, George----fishducky


 






14 comments:

  1. He was a very, very clever man. And funny with it.

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    1. A stand up comedian has to be intelligent to see the humor in the world's problems!!

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    2. I so agree with the social obligations joke. I would like to take it seriously. Lol.

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    3. You're not old enough, Munir!!

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  2. Probably the funniest man I've ever heard, and all without swearing.

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    Replies
    1. Except for the 7 words you can't say on TV!!

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    2. He swore a lot in his stand up, but he did it for a purpose, and was always funny.

      He had a new stand up routine every year for over thirty years. Many stand up comedians never develope more that one or two basic acts. No one was more prolific than Carlin!

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    3. Swearing, when used properly, has a purpose--shock value. It is not f*****g meant to be f*****g used every other f*****g word in a normal f*****g conversation!!

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  3. What a brilliant and off the wall mind. That was one funny man. I miss him. We missed out not making him president.

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  4. Gotta love a hearty dose of George Carlin.
    I was driving through Paradise today, Fishducky, when I saw a billboard ad: "Life is better when you have teeth." Seriously. It's meth country, and that's sadly a realistic incentive for people in Paradise to consider dental care. Then again, if they don't have teeth, why go to the dentist?
    Cheers.

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    Replies
    1. Which would cause more pain--meth withdrawal or dental work?

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  5. George Carlin came up with so many hilarious little quotes. He is definitely missed!

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    Replies
    1. I'm grateful that he was around as long as he was!!

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.