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Friday, January 15, 2016

BURRRP!! (EXCUSE ME.) or MY WEIGHT IS PERFECT FOR MY HEIGHT, WHICH VARIES




(Ed. note: If you are a few pounds overweight, please do not take this post personally.  I could stand to lose a few pounds a lot of weight 50 pounds myself.)


I just had a little snack, but I'm still hungry.  I only want another bite or two.  Maybe I'll try two or three of these--that ought to hold me until dinner:



A slim Fast bar would be dietetic:

One Snickers should hit the spot:

Mmmm--squeezable bacon!!


Chicken is protein & I'm sure it's less fattening than bread:

The stick would be handy--I could walk around
around & get some exercise while I'm eating:

I wonder if they have samples?:
Now I need something to drink:

I wonder if they'll make a fried Diet Coke?:

Or maybe a deep fried brownie for my sweet tooth:

I could take a box of donuts home & eat them later:

I'd be afraid to try this although it is sugar free:

Or this:
For some reason these don't appeal to me:

I think I'll just have a house salad:
I'd better stock up on these:

In consideration for others, 
if you think you're going to pass gas,
please go outside!!



It's possible these people have taken their diets too far:


But not these!!
To see someone who'd do anything for a treat,
































Psychologists have discovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their personalities. Choose which method best describes your favorite method of eating Oreos.  Regular Oreos, Not these:




1. The whole thing all at once.



2. One bite at a time


3. Slow and methodical nibbles examining the results of each bite afterwards.

4. In little feverous nibbles.

5. Dunked in some liquid (milk, coffee...).

6. Twisted apart, the inside, then the cookie.

7. Twisted apart, the inside, and toss the cookie.

8. Just the cookie, not the inside.

9. I just like to lick them, not eat them.

10.I don't have a favorite way because I don't like Oreos.

Your Personality:

1. The whole thing: This means you consume life with abandon, you are fun to be with, exciting, carefree with some hint of recklessness. You are totally irresponsible. No one should trust you with his or her children.

2. One bite at a time: You are lucky to be one of the 5.4 billion other people who eat their Oreos this very same way. Just like them, you lack imagination, but that's okay, not to worry, you're normal.

3. Slow and Methodical: You follow the rules. You're very tidy and orderly. You're very meticulous in every detail with everything you do to the point of being anal retentive and irritating to others. Stay out of the fast lane if you're only going to go the speed limit.

4. Feverous Nibbles: Your boss likes you because you get your work done quickly. You always have a million things to do and never enough time to do them. Mental breakdowns and suicides run in your family. Valium and Ritalin would do you good.

5. Dunked: Everyone likes you because you are always up beat. You like to sugar coat unpleasant experiences and rationalize bad situations into good ones. You are in total denial about the shambles you call a life. You have a propensity towards narcotic addiction.

6. Twisted apart, the inside, and then the cookie: You have a highly curious nature. You take pleasure in breaking things apart to find out how they work, though not always able to put them back together, so you destroy all the evidence of your activities. You deny your involvement when things go wrong. You are a compulsive liar and exhibit deviant, if not criminal, behavior.

7. Twisted apart, the inside, and then toss the cookie: You are good at business and take risk that pay off. You take what you want and throw the rest away. You are greedy, selfish, mean, and lack feelings for others. You should be ashamed of yourself. But that's OK, you don't care, you got yours.

8. Just the cookie, not the inside: You enjoy pain.

9. I just like to lick them, not eat them: Stay away from small furry animals and seek professional medical help - immediately.

10. I don't have a favorite way, I don't like Oreos: You probably come from a rich family, and like to wear nice things, and go to upscale restaurants. You are particular and fussy about the things you buy, own, and wear. Things have to be just right. You like to be pampered. You are a prissy.

(ajokeaday.com)

If can't is an abbreviation for cannot, why isn't don't an abbreviation for donut?----fishducky

 

















24 comments:

  1. The width chart is cruel and unusual punishment.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I was horrified at the Deep-fried peanut butter and jelly cheesecake with bubblegum cream cheese topping, then I scrolled down and saw the rest of those foods. Please tell me they're not real. Surely people don't eat this stuff?
    I loved the video of Ormie the pig!
    The Oreo quiz? I'm #10, hate them, but the personality description doesn't fit me. Except the par about things have to be just right, but I'm working on that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unfortunately, they ARE real--even the deep-fried butter!! Let me know when you get the part about things being just right just right.

      Delete
    2. I'm working on NOT being quite so perfectionist about things.

      Delete
  3. I think the world likes being fat. If the people
    didn't like it they'd do somethig about it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The people of the world don't like dieting MORE then they don't like being fat!!

      Delete
  4. It never ceases to amaze me where you find all these quips and cartoons for your posts. So funny. Have a wonderful and happy weekend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The internet is a virtual treasure trove & I am a virtual pirate!!

      Delete
  5. So far lost 20 pounds in a year. Simply cut way back on sugar and pasta which it turns out is easy after awhile. Sugar is addicting, once off it is like quitting smoking, I no longer miss it. Plus I do eat bacon or sausage for breakfast. Sugar carbs (in excess) bad. Protein and fat (within reason) good. Experts from the fifties...dead wrong.

    20 pounds to go, but will never go back to eating sugar and processed crap.
    Sorry to proselytize.

    Great cartoons!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You make it sound like eating crap is a bad thing!!

      Delete
  6. You left out one of my favorite "excuses." Big bones. Unfortunately, I played the "small bones" card when I was too skinny, so I don't think I could get away with saying the reverse now. So it must be glandular... or that whole "retaining food" thing.

    Happy weekend!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's possible your bones could have started growing again!!

      Delete
  7. I have added chocolate covered bacon to my last meal request. Mercy.
    Seems I am number 6 on the Oreo eating style and it is sadly pretty accurate.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Turn yourself in, Patti--the police are looking for you!!

      Delete
  8. Ok you lost me at the Bloody Mary Drink. Had to run to the fridge. Came back and ....what? deep fried butter??? I'd eat all of this stuff, and that box of doughnuts??? Bring it ON!!!
    Lisa

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Where do you want it delivered?

      Delete
    2. Just bring it to the gym. along with a diet coke. Thanks.

      Delete
    3. You want that Diet Coke fried?

      Delete
    4. That would be great! I mean they don't call it diet for nothing. Thank you.

      Delete
  9. I'm an Oreo 5, and I'm on the hunt for some of that squeeze bacon! Not for me, of course. I only eat bacon in a salad. But my 21-year-old son LOVES bacon.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm a 5, too--& isn't bacon already a salad?

      Delete
  10. I gained three pounds just reading this one :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A few 10,000 step days should get rid if them!!

      Delete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.