Follow

Friday, January 8, 2016

HANDLE EVERY STRESSFUL SITUATION LIKE A DOG--JUST PEE ON IT & WALK AWAY



When my so-in-law first moved to the United States he spoke no English.  It was imperative that he learn some important words & phrases quickly.  These, of course, included “please” & “thank you” & “where’s the bathroom?”  He feels that the most important phrase he learned was, “It’s not my fault.  It’s Nameless’ fault!”

We have a very good friend; I'll call him Max.  I don't think Max has encountered any situation that proved too sticky for him to handle.  Let me give you a couple of examples:

My husband, Bud, went with Max & two other friends to Las Vegas when they were about 18 years old.  Max (Mr. Cool) was carded in one of the casinos.  The security guard asked him his age, to which he replied, "Twenty-two."  The guard asked to see his driver's license, which obviously would prove him to be 18.  Max said, cockily, "No problem" & whipped it out.  The guard took a perfunctory look at it, handed it back & apologized.

Max & his wife had an apartment in Paris.  We flew over to visit them & went to dinner at the Tour d'Argent.  You have to understand what this restaurant was like.  It was very old, very fancy & very expensive. 



As I remember, you entered a circular foyer surrounded by windows with large (Magnum? Jeroboam?) bottles of old extremely high priced
  champagne on a ledge beneath each window. 


Sort of like this:


Max was wearing his coat over his shoulders, like a cape.  As he took it off, the bottom swung toward the windows, knocking off one bottle & breaking it.  I (& probably you) would have apologized & told them to put it on my bill.  Not Max!!  He told the maitre d' that the placement of those bottles clearly constituted a danger & that it was extremely fortunate that no one was cut or otherwise injured.  The maitre d' apologized profusely & probably took something off our bill. The meal was delicious, by the way & yes, Max is an attorney!!


This professor was almost never in his office,
so he put this large poster of himself on his door:



Before you start blaming me for how short this post was,
let me give you some extra cartoons:
































The fight last night was Bud's fault--I asked him what was on the TV & he said, "Dust!!"----fishducky

 


26 comments:

  1. Growing up in our house it was always Georgie's fault. Georgie dun it was the answer to any question about a misdemeanour. And I have no idea who Georgie was. The parents obviously thought he set a bad example and didn't want me to know him.

    ReplyDelete
  2. We had a mysterious 'someone else' and his cousin 'not me' living in our house, they got the blame for everything.
    I love that "reasons it's not your fault" vending machine :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I agree, the bottles should be more secured!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I think there is an epidemic of pointing the finger to someone else, as no one wants to take responsibility. By the way, my friend says dogs stop to sniff the "pee mails" when they go walking.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What happens if they find "postage due"?

      Delete
    2. They just add a few sCENTS more postage!!

      Delete
  5. Replies
    1. He DID think rather quickly on his feet!!

      Delete
  6. Sudden strange, unpleasant aromas is why I have a dog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do you enjoy them or does having a dog give you someone else to blame them on?

      Delete
  7. If I ever need a lawyer, I most definitely want one like your pal Max. Sounds like he was a pro at BS-ing his way out of any situation.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Your friend Max is a great example of a good lawyer. Thanks for the other cartoons too. It is not our fault that your blog is so funny.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. For that, I'll happily accept the blame!!

      Delete
  9. It is always my fault...

    ...even when you don't order the gift until two days before the event, don't mail the payment until after it is due, don't put a stamp on it, use the wrong address, zip code, or address it only to "Mom and Dad (no street) Anytown USA"....

    it is always the mail person's fault.

    Just sayin'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, Juli. Everything is my fault. Ask my kids.

      Delete
  10. I once pulled a Max. The daughter who says I'm not funny and I were in a store. As we waited to pay for our merchandise, the daughter who says I'm not funny stuck her hands under a light that was in the middle of the front of the counter. I guess it was decorative. She was probably three years old. Before I could tell her not to put her hands in there, the long, fluorescent bulb fell out and broke. I gasped, Why do you have a light that's not installed properly? My little girl could have been injured.

    I wasn't payin' for no fuckin' light bulb.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Have you ever thought of going into the law?

      Delete
    2. I've often wished I had gone to law school. Many of my friends from the debate team did, but I married a crazy man instead.

      Delete
  11. That would have triggered one over here as well.

    ReplyDelete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.