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Friday, January 22, 2016

I'M A NATIVE BORN ENGLISH SPEAKER, BUT I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND:



I can be efficient, deficient, sufficient, insufficient or even inefficient, but what happens if I'm only ficient?  If your ankle doesn't function as it should, why aren't you footicapped?  When you ask a barber to cut your, how does he know which one you mean?  If you used to be inept but you've finally figured out how to do things, are you now ept?  Why isn't phonetically spelled with an "f"? Aren't identical twins bique instead of unique?  I don't know, either!!

(A lot of the stuff below is from angelo.edu & a lot of it isn't.)

Lawyers get disbarred & clergymen defrocked, so why aren’t 
     ballplayers debased, 
     politicians devoted, 
     cowboys deranged, 
     models deposed (& Calvin Klein models debriefed), 
     organ donors delivered, 
     tree surgeons debarked, 
     musicians denoted, 
     electricians delighted--or coming unplugged, 
     carpenters deconstructed,
     guitarists in discord, 
     Supreme Court justices disappointed,
     songwriters decomposed or detonated,
     contortionists disjointed,
     pigs with laryngitis disgruntled,
     holes in your jeans dispatched,
     travel guides detoured,
     foals desired,
     students degraded,
     members of the Elks dislodged,
     magicians disillusioned,
     amputees disarmed,
     statues disfigured,
     calligraphers discursive,
     teachers detested,
     clerks defiled,
     bakers defloured,
     private eyes detailed, 
     law students distorted, 
     & dry cleaners depressed, decreased, & depleted?

And what about these oxymorons (or almost oxymorons):

Alone together
American English
Anarchy rules!
Bad health
Beginning Finnish
Business ethics
Cafeteria food
Civil war
Common sense
Constant change
Creation science
Curved line
Death benefits
Definite maybe
Dress pants
Extinct life
First annual
Friendly fire
Good grief
Government organization
Guest host
Jumbo shrimp
Living dead
Microsoft Works
Military Intelligence
Mutually exclusive
"Now, then ..."
Operating system
Peace Force
Plastic silverware
Same difference
Second best
Soft rock
Taped live
Tight slacks
Unbiased opinion
Work party
















If you speak three languages you're trilingual. If you speak two, you're bilingual. If you speak one language, you're American----fishducky


 



22 comments:

  1. Calvin is a genius!
    The semi-colon x-ray is funny.
    Politicians ARE devoted--to their bank accounts (*~*)
    I only speak one language and I'm not American.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When our son, Matt, was about 8, a friend of ours had to have part of his colon removed. Matt (our comedian in training) asked if that meant he would be left with a semicolon!!

      Delete
  2. A very Carlinian post. My favorite is the cancelled class.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, to EVEN be compared with the master--thank you!!

      Delete
  3. Wait, There is such thing as a tree surgeon?
    Lisa

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, & you should see their lovely OR's!!

      Delete
  4. I can think of a few politicians I'd like to "devote."

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thank goodness I all ready sort of speak the language. "Government help" always confused me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's something like "Military Intelligence"!!

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  6. You sure can't say the English language is boring! Confusing, maybe, but always interesting. But I'm definitely glad it's my first language. As a second language, its confusing side might overpower the interesting.

    Thanks for telling me about your old post about the Lego man. He's something else!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree with you totally about the English language--& you're very welcome!!

      Delete
  7. As a teacher, I hope I don't get declassified!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I call my kids oxymorons because they are adult children.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
  9. Love the English as a Second Language class...if they can read the sign have they passed the course?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll ask my son-in-law; he took ESL classes when he got here!!

      Delete
  10. I think government organization and business ethics are as funny as plastic silverware. Lol

    ReplyDelete
  11. Replies
    1. You're VERY welcome--please come back to my blog again!!

      Delete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.