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Friday, February 26, 2016

BE CAREFUL!!


(A reworked post from May, 2014 with all new cartoons.)


An Accident Report

I am writing in response to your request for “additional information.” In block number 30 of the accident report form, I put “poor planning” as the cause for my accident. You said in your last letter that I should explain more fully. I trust that the following detail will be sufficient.

I am an amateur radio operator. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the top section of my new 80-foot antenna tower. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought about 300 lbs. of tools and spare hardware. Rather than carry the now unneeded tools and materials down by hand, I decided to lower the items in a small barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the pole at the tip of the tower. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the top of the tower and loaded the tools and materials into the barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 300 lbs. of tools. 

You will note in block number 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 155 lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming down. This explains my fractured skull and broken clavicle.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly on the rope in spite of the pain. At about the same time however, the barrel hit the ground. The bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the tools, the barrel now weighed 20 pounds.

I refer you again to my weight in block number 11. As you might guess, I began a rapid descent down the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles and the lacerations or my legs and lower body.

The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of tools, and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the tools in pain, unable to stand, and watching the empty barrel 80 feet above me, I again lost my presence of mind.

I let go of the rope…
(A Joke A Day.com)




The following are actual, real-life accident descriptions given on insurance claim forms:


To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front of me, I struck a pedestrian.

I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.

I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.

As I was coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.

A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.

The other car collided with mine without giving warning.

 I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.

The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother- in-law and headed over the embankment.

In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.

I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.

I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.

My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.

An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.

I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.

I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.

I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.

The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.

The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end.

and last but not least...


The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him.
(ahajokes.com)














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17 comments:

  1. I hope that the insurance claimants received a bonus for making the assessors smile.
    Somedays I have thought I was beside myself. I was wrong.

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  2. "In case of accidental exposure..." nothing accidental about it! I come here on purpose!
    It's possible that mother-in-law excuse is valid.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, River, but for legal purposes the disclaimer was necessary!!

      Delete
  3. My skin is still crawling from the fingernail/chalkboard accident.

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  4. Great cartoons. I am going to assume most of those accident reports were filled out while under the influence of either alcohol, or stupidity.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In the end the two are the same, aren't they?

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  5. This story is so funny!!! I kept picturing a possible episode of I Love Lucy.
    Lisa

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    Replies
    1. I'm sure it would have been one of her best!!

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  6. The pedestrian had no idea which way to run when I ran over him? Ha!

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  7. Love those one liner accident reports.
    R

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    Replies
    1. (Almost) anything to please you, Rick!!

      Delete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.