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Thursday, February 4, 2016

ERROR!! SMASH FOREHEAD ON KEYBOARD TO CONTINUE






My son Matt sent me this:

The computer swallowed Grandma,
Yes, honestly it's true!
She pressed 'control' and 'enter'
And disappeared from view.
It devoured her completely,
The thought just makes me squirm.
She must have caught a virus
Or been eaten by a worm.
I've searched through the recycle bin
And files of every kind;
I've even used the Internet,
But nothing did I find.
In desperation, I asked Mr. Google
My searches to refine.
The reply from him was negative,
Not a thing was found 'online.'
So, if inside your 'Inbox,'
My Grandma you should see,
Please 'Copy', 'Scan' and 'Paste' her,
And send her back to me.




Following (after these 2 cartoons) are some clarifications & instructions for getting the maximum use from your computer.  The first one is the most important.  My computer has graciously put them in alphabetical order for your convenience, although I don't recall asking it to do that.  The incorrect alignment, spacing & indentations were also courtesy of my computer.







 Abandon all hope, ye who press ENTER here

 According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.

 A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord.

 Air conditioned environment - Do not open Windows!

 All computers wait at the same speed.

 A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray &  the blinking red light.
As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.

Compatible: Gracefully accepts erroneous data from any source.

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.

Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...

Failure is not an option; it comes bundled with the software.

hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPS LOCK KEY?

Hit any user to continue.

I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere.

I know I'm supposed to back up my files, but I still haven't found reverse on my PC.

If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.


If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce today would cost $100, get a million miles to the gallon, & explode once a year, killing everyone inside.


If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.

In my next life I'm going to have more memory installed. 

It's not a bug; it's an undocumented feature. 

It works! Now if only I could remember what I did... 

Keyboard: Instrument used to enter errors into computer. 

Keyboard not connected, press F1 to continue. 

Maintenance-free: When it breaks, it can't be fixed... 

Oxymoron: Microsoft Works.

Press any key...no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!

Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...


Reference Manual: Object that raises the monitor to eye level. Also used to compensate for that short table leg.


The definition of an upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.


There are only 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.

There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.


To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

User error: replace user and press any key to continue.

Warning, keyboard not found. Press Enter to continue. 

Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?


And here’s an actual excerpt from a windows program help file:

“If the Start Windows Restart when Windows starts check box is checked 
Windows Restart will start automatically every time Windows is started.”

This first cartoon is from my other son, Blake, 
who regularly solves my computer problems:
















Smart phones may not be safe, either:



Do you suppose evolution could be God's way of installing upgrades?----fishducky

 













22 comments:

  1. So very true. Yes I am snickering - but I am wincing too.

    ReplyDelete
  2. "It works! Now if only I could remember what I did..."
    That's MY line. I say it often. So very often.
    Love that God's computer has a Smite button :)
    I like that computer keyboard drawn by Blake, but I'd erase the key that sends money to the Nigerian Prince.
    I checked my inbox and there's no Granny in there, but I love that poem!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I say, "It works! Now if only I could remember what Blake did..." He didn't draw it, he just forwarded it--probably from his brother!! Thanks for checking your inbox!!

      Delete
  3. I still don't get the "sleep or Hibernate" option for my computer. Can it not just "get a break"?
    Lisa

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Have you tried the "Take Ten" key on the upper right?

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    2. Just did...That was scary. I thought I lost it, but with A little bit of CPR I got er back.
      Lisa

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    3. Lisa, can you send me your email address? I'm at fishducky@budandfran.com. Thanks!!

      Delete
  4. Giggled through the computerisms. That Rolls Royce one is priceless and should be true.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Love God's computer. I assume it isn't an apple.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Remind me to ask Him next time I see Him!!

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  6. Pleasurable thank you for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Love that poem Matt sent you. So much here to chuckle over. Thanks.

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  8. So many funny things. I think being funny is an upgrade in evolution by any standard.

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    Replies
    1. A good comedian has to be astute to find the humor in politics, etc!!

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  9. I like the haiku error message:
    Having been erased,
    The document you're seeking
    Must now be retyped.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That was in HAIKUS FOR YOUSE (1/18/16)!!

      Delete
  10. Also, I signed up to be notified when you post but it stopped sending me notifications. Not sure what's going on there.
    R

    ReplyDelete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.