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Tuesday, February 16, 2016

LAST YEAR WE WENT AROUND THE WORLD—THIS YEAR WE’RE GOING SOMEPLACE ELSE!!


Tired of hanging out on the beach in Maui, soaking up the sun & drinking Mai Tais year after year? Looking for a different sort of vacation?  Fishducky's Travel Agency is offering some great ideas on new places to go April through August.  Contact us at 1 800 TOURIST regarding our new spring & summer tours. Call soon--space is limited & these are sure to fill up quickly!!

Tour #1
Intensive Care--the Experience:

Like to just lie in bed & have people wait on you hand & foot 24 hours a day?  Nurses will bathe you, change your gown & bring every meal right to your bedside in your own personal IV bag. While in a coma, you're guaranteed to have a restful vacation away from telephone solicitors & door to door salesmen.  Even a hospital in your home town will give you an experience of a lifetime.


Tour #2
Learn How Movies are Made--Relive the "Shawshank Redemption":

Live in your own private room in a maximum security correctional institution.  Enjoy a refreshing pat-down by friendly guards.  Should you wish to enjoy the amenities the local town has to offer, merely dig a hole in the wall (a sharp-edged rock will be provided for this purpose at no charge, upon request) & go down the sewage chute.  While enjoying the facilities, you may wish to spend some restful time in solitary confinement, where gourmet meals will be delivered on a lovely compartmentalized silver-toned tray through a slot in the steel door.  There is no need to tip your waiter.  All gratuities are included.


Tour #3
Join the Hunt for Jimmy Hoffa

Live the life of a Federal Officer.  You will be given your own shovel, which you may keep as a souvenir.  Have fun digging under home plate at Giants Stadium in New York.  Check out the trash compactors in various Detroit restaurants where he may be hiding.  If you enjoy traveling overseas, there is a possibility that he was put into a junk car, compacted & sent to a foreign country as scrap metal.  Discover the facts for yourself.


Tour #4
Visit a Soylent Green Factory

See how this delicious food is made.  Take a cooking class from a top chef.  Bring any extra friends with you.  Up to 10 guests will be permitted, at our expense.  We offer one way travel for them, round trip for you.  



Tour #5
Lounge at a Landfill

Have a delicate & discerning nose?  See if you can identify all the exotic aromas as they waft through the air here.  If you're a bird lover, you will enjoy the hundreds of pigeons & other species stopping by for a quick lunch.  And here's a bonus feature; if you find any discarded treasures, they're yours to keep.


Tour #6
Manic Menopausal Mamas Migration

Hot flashes driving you crazy?  Longing to stay cool?  Come with us to the South Pole.  Put on a bikini & lounge on the ice.  Although the last sunset was March 22nd & sunrise won't come until September 20th, the temperatures during your stay should be to your liking; in the balmy minus 70 F to minus 75 F range.  Don’t forget to pack a flashlight & a sweater in case you get chilly.  A word of warning: Should you wish to buy a sealskin coat during your stay, check out your furrier carefully.  Many have become conservationists & refuse to kill the seal. Wearing a live one is heavy & can result in bites & scratches.














If you'd like to know where I got the idea for this post,

A journey of a thousand miles starts with an argument over how to load the car----fishducky

 




  

19 comments:

  1. People are much more interested in listening to stories about dreadful holidays too. And if you have pictures of you being mugged, or your partner being chased by a lion it is even better...

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    1. I tried, but the stupid lion couldn't work the camera!!

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  2. I'd love to travel, but none of your tour options is the least bit appealing. I'll keep looking and saving until I find somewhere worth going to.

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  3. The hardest part of the Hoffa tour would be finding home plate at the Giant's Football stadium.

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    1. That was supposed to be the Giant's Baseball stadium!!

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  4. I don't know, you lost me at "drinking Mai Tais".
    Lisa

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  5. Ha! You've convinced me of the joys of vacationing in a landfill.

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  6. Cracked up at the economy flight. That would have fit in perfect for my hospital post.

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    1. You DO get a nice breeze in economy!!

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  7. Lounge at a Landfill?

    I have a National Geographic video that I show my classes about polar bear migration through Churchill, Manitoba, Canada. The townspeople drive to the dump for recreation, to watch those wacky polar bears lick mayonnaise jars and stick their paws in fire. It's a hoot, but not meant to be. A really old video, 1982. It's called Polar Bear Alert.

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    1. Can you send me the link to that video, please?

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  8. "Flap your arms just as fast as you can." <-Too funny! Staying home never looked so good.
    I love your Jewish jokes in the last post too.
    B'shalom, Fran.

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.