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Friday, March 18, 2016

RANDOM THOUGHTS OF AN OLD LADY






I've still got it!!
(I just can't remember where I put it.)




I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers. 

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That's common sense leaving your body.  

I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row. 

I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.   

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet. 

When I was a child I thought “Nap Time” was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.  

The biggest lie I tell myself is, "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it." 

I don't have gray hair; I have "wisdom highlights”-- I'm just very wise. 

Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper. (Amen to this one!)

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees. 

Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

 Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice. 

At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.
www.sparkpeople.com


To see an older woman's take on her visit 
to her gynecologist, click here.

I wanna dance with him:



















I think this is my all time favorite cartoon:





Old age should come sooner, when you're younger & can deal with it better----fishducky


 



19 comments:

  1. Too much truth for me to deal with in this post. Funny, with a wince.

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    Replies
    1. You should have seen my face while I was writing it!!

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  2. I actually would like to have a car horn that sounds like a gun :) I'm not sure why, but your blog refuses to send me updates when you post. I sign up and it sends them for a while then it stops. Darnedest thing.
    R

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    1. Sometimes even Fran's blog forgets stuff.

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    2. When my so-in-law first moved to the United States he spoke no English. It was imperative that he learn some important words & phrases quickly. These, of course, included “please” & “thank you” & “where’s the bathroom?” He feels that the most important phrase he learned was, “It’s not my fault. It’s Nameless’ fault!!”
      My point being--I post Monday through Friday. If you're not informed, It’s not my fault. It’s Nameless’ fault!!

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  3. So funny, and so "right on", Fran....we are a unique group, us seniors!

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    Replies
    1. Unique may be the KINDEST way to describe us!!

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  4. Love 'em all, but I think my favorite is the one where the hubby is asking his wife if she needs a shopping cart to haul all of the beauty products she needs. I need a cart when we go to the pharmacy to fill all our prescriptions, too... :)

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    Replies
    1. We have them delivered--they're too heavy to lift!!

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  5. Grinning and nodding in agreement all the way through. Could so relate to the "press one for English".

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  6. Youth is wasted on the young.

    Heh, heh! Going to the Jim!

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    Replies
    1. I know that I would enjoy youth NOW!!

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  7. I sometimes wonder about those twenty extra years for clean and healthy living. I think I'll live it up and take my chances.

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    Replies
    1. Careful--you could end up like ME!!

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  8. You will have to take your blog on the road. I laughed at every bit of humor. Which there was a lot of--no gyn for a long time.

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  9. And an "all nighter" means ya didnt have to get up during the night to pee.
    Lisa

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.