It's National Peanut Butter Month!!
(Actually, peanuts are so important that both
March & November are designated as
National Peanut Butter Month!!)
Q: Where do peanut drivers go to fill their tanks? A: The Shell station.
Q: How do you catch an elephant? A: Hide in the grass and make a sound like a peanut.
Q: What kind of socks do you need to plant peanuts? A: Garden hose.
Q: Where did the peanuts go to have a few drinks? A: The Snack Bar.
Q: What do you call a peanut in a spacesuit? A: An astronut.
Q: Did you hear the joke about the peanut butter? A: I'm not telling you. You might spread it.
Q: What did the peanut say to the elephant? A: Nothing, peanuts can't talk.
Two peanuts were walking down a road. One was assaulted.
One day two peanuts, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. They stepped off the curb & a speeding car came around the corner & ran one of them over. The uninjured peanut called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured peanut was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery. After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. He told the uninjured peanut, "I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through." "The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life".
A guy walks into the doctor's office with a banana stuck in one of his ears, a carrot in the other ear & peanuts stuck in his nostrils. The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?" The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly."
After a minor mathematical error on a routine report, a worker's boss tried to belittle him in front of his peers. Angrily she asked, "If you had 4 peanuts and I asked for one, how many would you have left?" Quickly he replied, "If it was you who asked, I'd still have 4 peanuts."