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Tuesday, March 1, 2016

WARNING!! DO NOT READ THIS POST IF YOU ARE ALLERGIC TO PEANUTS!!




It's National Peanut  Butter Month!!
(Actually, peanuts are so important that both
March & November are designated as
National Peanut  Butter Month!!)




Q: Where do peanut drivers go to fill their tanks? A: The Shell station.

Q: How do you catch an elephant? A: Hide in the grass and make a sound like a peanut.

Q: What kind of socks do you need to plant peanuts? A: Garden hose.

Q: Where did the peanuts go to have a few drinks? A: The Snack Bar.

Q: What do you call a peanut in a spacesuit? A: An astronut.

Q: Did you hear the joke about the peanut butter? A: I'm not telling you. You might spread it.

Q: What did the peanut say to the elephant? A: Nothing, peanuts can't talk.

Two peanuts were walking down a road.  One was assaulted.


One day two peanuts, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. They stepped off the curb & a speeding car came around the corner & ran one of them over. The uninjured peanut called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured peanut was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery. After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. He told the uninjured peanut, "I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through." "The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life".


 A guy walks into the doctor's office with a banana stuck in one of his ears, a carrot in the other ear & peanuts stuck in his nostrils. The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?" The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly."


After a minor mathematical error on a routine report, a worker's boss tried to belittle him in front of his peers. Angrily she asked, "If you had 4 peanuts and I asked for one, how many would you have left?" Quickly he replied, "If it was you who asked, I'd still have 4 peanuts." 
jokes4us.com




Nothing else to write, 
so here are some extra cartoons:



















How do I keep it from sticking to the roof of my mouth?----fishducky

 




24 comments:

  1. Love the peanut butler. More than I do peanut butter.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'd love to have a peanut BUTLER, too!!

      Delete
  2. Peanut butter..... still my favorite.
    The other day I was cleaning out the peanut butter
    jar and the dog was begging, as usual. I gave her
    some....I'll never do that again. Nutty dog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Did you know that eating peanut butter is a GREAT tongue exercise for dogs?

      Delete
  3. Big gob of chunky style on a spoon, midnight snack done.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah, YES!! How do you feel about trading spouses? You could read my shopping lists!!

      Delete
  4. I heard on the radio this morning that only 1% of the population has a peanut allergy, so the question was Why do we make such a fuss and change things for just 1%?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Because if we don't, we'll probably kill off 1% of our population!!

      Delete
    2. Depending on WHICH 1% is chosen, that might not be such a bad idea!!

      Delete
  5. Now you've got me thinking that I need to check my peanut butter for a monocle and spats.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ahhh yes, peanut butter. It's top and bottom on my food pyramid and definitely starts my day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your food pyramid sounds like a peanut butter sandwich!!

      Delete
  7. Joeh is correct--peanut butter + spoon. At midnight.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. With one adjustment: peanut butter + spoon. At ANY time!!

      Delete
  8. So, Is peanut butter a recipe or an invention?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It must be a recipe--there's NO duct tape involved!!

      Delete
  9. Good job on this (but you knew this)thank you

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's the longest comment you've ever posted here--I appreciate it!!

      Delete
  10. I'd put that peanut butler to work screening my peanut butter for top hat, cane, monocle, and spats fragments!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I love all these jokes and I love peanut butter. I put it in a sandwich with Nutella on the other slice of bread, or I use peanut butter to fill sticks of celery for munching on. I made peanut butter cookies once, but they were too good, I ate the whole batch.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Peanut butter cookies--no matter the size of the batch--are ALWAYS single serving!!

      Delete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.