Follow

Monday, May 9, 2016

HOW MANY OF FISHDUCKY'S FOLLOWERS DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHT BULB? JUST ONE--YOU!!





How many Jewish mothers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None.  That's all right...I'll just sit here in the dark.

How many British Queens does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One:  She holds the bulb while the world revolves around her.

How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
One hundred.  One to hold the light bulb, the other ninety nine to rotate the house.

How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the light bulb must really want to change.

How many L.A. cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Six: one to do it & five to smash the old bulb to pieces.

How many Englishmen does it take to change a light bulb?
What do you mean change it? It's a perfectly good bloody bulb! We have had it for a thousand years & it has worked just fine.

How many Hollywood executives does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but you have to promise Tom Hanks will star, creative control & an $80 million budget.

How many FBI agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
That information <deleted> <deleted> when the <deleted> possibly at the behest of <deleted> national security <deleted>

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.

How many AOLers does it take to change a light bulb?
What? You can change light bulbs?

How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb? 
Two: One to change the bulb, & one to complain about how much better life was before electricity.

How many Microsoft executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None: Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness (tm) as the industry standard.

How many straight San Franciscans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Both of them.

How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Zen masters carry their own light.

How many KGB agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None: There never was any light bulb.

How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to screw it almost all the way in & the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many can you afford?

How many people in Chernobyl does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?
This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile...

How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, but it takes at least one to sit & pray for the old one to go back on.

How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three.  Two to do the screwing, & one to hear the confession.

How many support technicians does it take to change a light bulb?
We have an exact copy of the light bulb here, & it seems to be working fine. Can you tell me what kind of system you have? OK. Now, exactly how dark is it? OK, there could be four or five things wrong . . . have you tried the light switch?

How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, & four to relate to the experience.

How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Nine. One to change the bulb, & eight to protest the nuclear power plant that generates the electricity that powers it.

How many people from New Jersey does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None of your freakin' business!

How many Teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?
50. 50? Yeah, 50; it’s in the contract.

How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.
davidgardiner.net & netfunny.com & fishducky’s brain












What is the difference between a pregnant woman & a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb----fishducky


 


20 comments:

  1. Love these :)
    I've just spent too much time searching for my different "how many FBI agents..." light bulb joke but I can't find it anywhere in my files :(

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jewish mothers was the best, and it is used by all mothers, the Jewish mothers have just perfected the delivery.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I couldn't read this. The light bulb over my computer is burned out!!

      Delete
  3. Thanks for reminding me that I have a few burnt-out lightbulbs in need of changing.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Actually buying a light bulb is a challenge any more with all the variety available.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I still prefer the old energy-INefficient ones that I think they stopped making!!

      Delete
  5. Loved them all but really got a kick out of the therapists. And yes, dim bulbs are a great beauty secret. At least you think you look good when you leave the house.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Some days (today) 30W is too strong. I am pretty sure I look better in the dark.
    Big smiles and thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I ask this question in my office daily as I need new bulbs. How many men does it take to change a light bulb? Obviously NONE! and they are not even Jewish!
    Lisa

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That question obviously has NO answer!!

      Delete
  8. Heh, heh! I had to read the mice one twice!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That one MAY have been a little tricky!!

      Delete
  9. Thanks, Fran!! You made my morning! :)

    ReplyDelete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.