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Tuesday, May 10, 2016

SOME USEFUL INFORMATION ON HOW TO MAKE A BABY



Did you ever realize that the definition of baby could be:
A small, poopy man or woman, no taller than a lamp

The following pictures & explanation were sent to me by Cranky at joeh-crankyoldman.blogspot.com.  Thank you, Joe!!  This should clear up any questions my followers might have on reproduction:

Canadian photographer Patrice Laroche surely will have no trouble explaining to his kids about the birds and the bees.  During his wife Sandra’s pregnancy, the artist  created this explanatory photo series titled “How to Make a Baby”.  The pregnancy saga of Sandra and Patrice basically denounces all the traditional cabbage patch and stork stories.








If you're in a big hurry
(like you have dinner plans or something)
you could do it like this:

This is another possible explanation:

This was a funny movie!!:

I'm pretty sure that this quote from the movie "Knocked Up" doesn't have it right:

"Well. I think a stork, he umm, he drops it down and then, and then, a hole goes in your body and there's blood everywhere, coming out of your head and then you push your belly button and then your butt falls off and then you hold your butt and you have to dig and you find the little baby."

This kid might also be a little confused:

My cousin was expecting her second child, and her three year old told me that she figured out how her sister was going to be born. Her mom looked at me with this, "Yeah... I have no idea what she's talking about because we didn't tell her anything about it" look on her face, and we waited to hear what she had to say, expecting it to be pure gold. And of course, she didn't disappoint:

"Well, when my mom gets so big she can't put on her pants anymore, she'll go to the hospital. Then the doctor will press on her button (as she pointed to my cousin's protruding, turkey-timer thermometer navel), and he'll keep pressing it until my mom get sick of it and throws my baby sister up."
allnurses.com

Some celebrity quotes on the subject:


People are giving birth underwater now. They say it’s less traumatic for the baby because it’s under water. But it’s certainly more traumatic for the other people in the pool. --Elayne Boosler

Having a baby is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.  –-Carol Burnett

You know what they say when a supermodel gets pregnant? Now she’s eating for one. –-Jay Leno

How can I have morning sickness when I don’t get up till noon? –-Rita Rudner

Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside. --Rita Rudner


























Pregnancy is like looking both ways before you cross the street & then getting hit by an airplane
----fishducky

 


18 comments:

  1. Now I realise (again) why I am childless.

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    1. There was a card that we used to send to new parents. It said, "Why, oh why, did you go & have a baby? We would have given you one of ours!!"

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  2. I'm glad I laughed my way through this, even though I wasn't going to after reading your title. The last thing I need is instructions on how to make a baby! Although now that I think about it, the making part was fun :)

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  3. Love the cartoon of the newborn being a blessing in disguise.

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    1. They never wouyld have recognized him!!

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  4. What? and I thought all this time that I fell right out of heaven. Ok maybe throw out of heaven.
    Lisa

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    1. My kids were definitely THROWN out!!

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  5. I was in the delivery room for all four. Big mistake! Just makes me feel guilty.

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    1. Big deal--I was in the delivery room, too!!

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  6. LOL! I think there's a kind of memory loss afterwards or women would never want to have more than one. Trouble is, the making part sucks you back into the whole process, anyways, whether you remember or not--ROFL! ;)

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    1. I agree. Also, I think if men had babies, very few children would have siblings!!

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  7. This was funny, even enjoyed Cosby again and miss the man he was. However your reply to Cranky was hilarious.

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    1. Although he has many (alleged) character flaws, he's a very funny man!!

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  8. So THAT'S how it is done. what was I thinking?

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  9. Giggle, giggle all the way! That one with the air pump is priceless.

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    1. Glad to have given you giggles, girl!!

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.