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Tuesday, May 17, 2016

WHO'S CALLING, PLEASE?





(This first joke is from Susan at "I Think; Therefore I Yam"--thank you, Susan!!)


Mary Lou checked into a motel on her 65th Birthday. She was lonely, and a little depressed at her advancing age, so she decided to risk an adventure. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages."

She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself "Tender Tony", a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a dime off his well-oiled buns.  She figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know. I'll give him a call.

"Good evening, ma'am, how may I help you?"  Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy!!

Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she blurted, "I hear you give a great massage. I'd like you to come to my motel room and give me one.  No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now.  Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks.  We'll go at it all night - tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything--I'm ready!! Now how does that sound?”

He said, "That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."
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For many years Helen worked as a receptionist and switchboard operator at a busy company. After a good annual review, her supervisor told her she was up for a promotion. A month later, her supervisor called her into his office and told her the VP had refused to approve the raise. His reason? She clearly wasn't doing her job. Every time he saw her, she was either chatting with someone in the lobby or talking on the phone.
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Here in New York City they are converting telephone booths into Wi-Fi hot spots. Because we have very few phone booths left, Clark Kent (Superman) has to use the men's room at Starbucks.--David Letterman
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Rachel decides to do some shopping at the mall and manages to persuade her husband Moishe to join her. After 2 hours of looking around one women's clothes store after another, Rachel suddenly realizes that Moishe is no longer with her. So she calls him on his cell phone to see 'what's what'.

"Nu? So where are you?" she angrily asks Moishe. "I thought we were shopping together."

"Don't get broyges, darling," replies Moishe. "Do you remember the jewelry shop by the escalator in the middle of the mall, the one we spent time in last year and where we saw a lovely gold necklace for you but which was just a little bit too expensive for us to buy and where I said I would get it for you one day?"

"Yes, of course I do, darling" replies Rachel excitedly. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, I'm in the cafe next door to that jewelry store eating an ice cream."
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There’s an old joke about a guy who’s bragging in a bar.  He says, “My wife & I know everything!”  Someone says, “If you’re so smart, explain the theory of relativity.”  The first guy thinks for a minute & tells him, “My WIFE knows that!”  That’s how I feel about the modern electronics age.  I used to be able to go to a restaurant with my family & wonder aloud what time it is in Iceland or who played the villain in an old movie.  That, at least, gave you something to talk about for a while even if you didn’t really care about the answer.  No more.  Now, if I should happen to muse about Iceland’s time zone, someone will whip out a phone, click a couple of buttons & tell me, “It’s 7:30 pm PST here in California & Iceland is 8 hours ahead of us, so it’s 3:30 am UTC/GMT tomorrow there.”  That’s already more than I really wanted to know.  Then they will continue, “GMT is Greenwich Mean Time.  UTC is Coordinated Universal Time or in French: Temps Universel Cordonne.  UTC was decided as the acronym because it was thought CUT or TUC were not appropriate.  GMT & UTC are the same.”  I’m surprised they didn’t tell me how to make a watch.  I’ll have to ask them the time, sometime…


My phone when I was a kid:
A phone for a kid when I had little kids:

Little kid's phones now:














Stupidity kills, but not fast enough----fishducky

 








29 comments:

  1. My phone is MUCH smarter than I am. But I win. I turn it off.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I guess that leaves you the last laugh!!

      Delete
  2. I don't have a smart phone. In my house, I'm the smart one (stop laughing :D) A lot of the time I leave the house without it and check for messages when I get home.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The only time I use my (dumb) cell phone is when I'm away from the house. The outgoing message on both Bud's & my phones say this phone is not checked for messages. To leave a message, call our landline!!

      Delete
  3. Funny stuff! At least now people are used to the cell phones and I no longer hear someone yelling that annoying "Guess where I'm calling from."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll never get used to people talking loudly on their cell phones in public!!

      Delete
  4. The (d)evolution of phones - this is as accurate as it is hilarious. I have a stupid phone. I'm a smart woman without a smart phone because I'm stupid with those things and refuse to pay a chunk of money for a fancy gadget that I don't know how to use and don't want to use. Gimme Fisherprice any day, I'm happy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'd never use all those apps, anyway!!

      Delete
  5. I don't have a cell phone, not even a stupid one, and that suits me just fine. Now that so many people are using ear buds, (bluetooth?) when a guy standing near me in a store suddenly starts talking loudly, I'm not sure if he's talking to me, (which is what I always used to think...) or is mentally deranged. I try to ignore the potential nut case while I stealthily step away from him, until I can safely check for the gadget in his ear. (Whew! Safe again!) Life was so much easier when the person standing beside me talking was actually talking to me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I STILL think they're mentally deranged!!

      Delete
  6. Poor Superman!
    I was just informed that I will be getting a new phone and going on some kind of new google call phone system. Dagan and Leah are in charge of my smart phone. I just try to be smart enough to figure out how to call and text. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Be careful not to use anything extra!!

      Delete
    2. They usually set me up with a mahjong game. Leah even puts in all my phone contacts. I am so spoiled. (Or they don't have the patience to explain how to do things over and over again.)

      Delete
    3. Sounds like Blake, me & my computer!!

      Delete
  7. I never understood why that little phone had wheels and a string. Was it to convince us wee children that we always needed to bring our phones?

    Crazy how much things have changed, and how fast. My first receptionist job had a giant switchboard. Now I hear that switchboards are more or less extinct...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think it saved parents from having to keep getting up & giving them to their kids!!

      Delete
  8. What I dislike is the voice in the smartphone saying, 'set up voice commands' blah blah. Maybe one day I'll do that just to shut up that voice in my phone. . .

    ReplyDelete
  9. If they would have invented text before calling, then we would say "Wow, Check out my new phone, you can actually talk to the person!"
    Lisa

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Too bad they didn't--actually talking to people is a great idea!!

      Delete
  10. Pressing nine really tickled me. The "older men" hit home. My phone came before the flip phone. It looks a lot like a pager but it will make a call.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My "new" phone is several years old--it flips!!

      Delete
  11. Oh that poor woman in the motel room! Smart phones are helping to dumb us all down. In my opinion....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Some of us don't need help in that!!

      Delete
  12. My phone spends most of its life in my handbag flat as a tack, I forget I have it.
    Merle.........

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't use mine very much, either!!

      Delete
  13. Heh, heh. Our ancestors had tails!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I'm hoping that when I need a new phone, I'll be able to get a simple one just for calls and texts. I don't like my chances though.

    ReplyDelete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.