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Thursday, June 2, 2016

APPLICATION FOR FAMILY MEMBERSHIP





(The first part is from several previous posts.  The part about the car sweepstakes is new, as are the closing cartoons.)

Bud & I love to travel--& take family & friends with us.  Thank heaven he’s been successful & we can afford it.  (I did NOT marry a rich Jewish attorney.  When we got married in 1955, he had about $200.00 & I was the rich one—I think I had about $500.00.)

In 1971, while we were still poor, we borrowed my sister-in-law’s station wagon & loaded my other sister-in-law’s 3 kids & our 3 kids (all aged 5-11) & drove to the Grand Canyon, Las Vegas, Bryce & Zion National Parks.  That meant there were 8 of us at every meal.   It always took 2 people to bring us our order.  One night a waitress brought our entire order on one tray.  We applauded!  A couple of days later, Blake was reminiscing.  He asked, “Do you remember when we gave that waitress the clap?”  (I have absolutely no idea where he’d heard that term.)  People would ask the kids if they were all one family.  They’d tell them yes, but that we had left the little ones at home.  They were also asked if their parents had no TV.  They assigned imaginary horses to each of us.  Bud’s horse’s name was Dammit.  My niece once told him, “Uncle Buddy, that man’s calling your horse!”  I had been to the Grand Canyon once before, when I was about 10.  My brother, who was 12, wanted to spit into the canyon because that was the only place he could spit over a mile.  My mother panicked.  I laughed.  When our brood got there, I turned into my mother.  They could be 50’ from the rim & I was terrified.  I told Bud to watch them & I would wait in the car so as not to spoil their trip.


For both my 60th & 65th birthdays Bud took me & a bunch of our friends on an overnight flight to Las Vegas & gave them each $50 in silver dollars to play with--I got MUCH more.

In 1982 we took 18 family members (& 2 secretaries) to Hawaii for 2 weeks.  We had T-shirts made with my duck wearing a lei.  The shirts said FISCHER’S FLYAWAY.  If you’re familiar with Maui, you’ll know the Pioneer Inn.  We went there for their famous macadamia nut pancakes one morning.  They had broken our group up & had seated us at 5 tables throughout the patio.  When it was time to pay, Bud got 6 checks.  He asked the waiter who told him to give us their bill.  The waiter pointed to our other 4 tables & to one with people we didn’t know.  When we confronted him, the guy laughed & said, “Hey, it was worth a try!  When your kids got their checks, they told the waiter to give them to you.  So did I.”  We have taken a couple more of these family group trips to Hawaii since our grandchildren were born.

On our last trip to Hawaii I had all the females in our group come down to the hotel lobby so they could select a pendant from a booth there.  They were acrylic & came in many color mixes. Nameless got one that was white, black & turquoise. This is the one I chose, which I wear often. It's about an inch & a half long:



Two years later--1984--we took our whole group (including the secretaries) on an Alaskan cruise.  There were 4 generations represented, from my father & Bud’s parents to their first great-grandchild, who celebrated his first birthday on the ship.  We had baseball caps & windbreakers made with my duck on a cruise ship & the words FISCHER’S FLOTILLA.  We told them the next trip would probably be FISCHER’S FLUSH—we would all go down the toilet together!!



In 2000, we took our daughter, son-in-law & grandchildren to Washington, DC to see the 4th of July fireworks from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial.  MAGNIFICENT!!  We toured Washington & then went on to Philadelphia where we met up with one of our sons & his wife & children.  We were standing in line to see the Liberty Bell.  (I touched it!  You weren’t supposed to, but I couldn’t help myself.)  Our 4 grandchildren were between 2 & 8 years old at the time & not very good at standing in line, so I was constantly carrying one or another of them on my shoulders.  When we got to the front of the line I asked my 5 year old granddaughter how my hair looked.  I was kidding—I knew how bad my hair had to be after all those kids had their hands in it.  She looked at me & lovingly said, “It looks just like it always does, Grandma!”

Probably something like this,
but without the nose ring:

Bud just found this in his files--we had forgotten all about it.  For Christmas, 1989, we decided to give each of our kids a car.  Previously, we had given a car to each set of our parents on their 50th wedding anniversaries.  (Ed.note:  Bud & I were seeing a shrink at the time.  We told him that we had given new cars to out parents & that they all told us we were crazy.  We asked him if he thought we were crazy.  He said, "Of course you're crazy!!  Can I have a new car?")  We couldn't very well wrap the cars & put them under the tree, so we held this lottery:

The bottom (which is too small to read) says:
Odds of winning: Trip to Hueneme  0% (we don't want to be bothered)
                                               $1,000 bond:        0% (lousy investment)
                                               VW Automobile:  100% (only prize given)



The reason I brought this all up is because, after hearing about these trips & gifts, many people have asked how they could become members of our family.  Unfortunately, I always had to tell them that we were full.  Now we have room for a limited number of new members!!  If you are interested in joining us, please fill out the application below & email it to me.  Hurry—space is limited!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
APPLICATION FOR FAMILY MEMBERSHIP

Name & birthdate: ______________________________________________

Names of people you want to bring with you; their birthdays & other occasions when they would expect a gift (I am limiting this space so don’t get greedy.):
_______________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________

Are you an asset to your present family?  Yes__ No__
If not, why do you think you’d be an asset to ours?
_______________________________________________________________

This position requires travel (i.e., free vacations, etc.).  Do you have a fear of flying?  Yes__ No__
If the flight is crowded, do you have any objections to sitting outside on the wing?  Yes__ No__

Are you weird in any way?  This could be an asset.  Yes__ No__
If yes, please elaborate:
_______________________________________________________________


Would you be willing to lay down your life for me?  Yes__ No__
If no, why not?
_______________________________________________________________


How much money do you have in your bank account (for accounting purposes only)? $________   
Would you be willing to sign it over to me?  Yes__ No__

Would it upset you if I took out an insurance policy on your life?  Yes__ No__

Please answer the following simple questions so I can see if you would fit in:

1. Which is bigger?
    a. Summer
    b. Red
    c. A box
    d. I couldn't care less  

2. Elephants can’t fly because
    a. They refuse to take lessons
    b. Their trunks get caught in the engines
    c. Seat belts aren’t large enough
    d. Who gives a s**t?

3. A train is traveling east at 100 mph from Los Angeles to New York.  Another train is traveling west from New York to Los Angeles at the same speed on the same track.  Where &  when will they collide?
    a. Somewhere in the Pacific Ocean
    b. Somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean
    c. I don’t care because I would have taken a plane
    d. I have no idea      


The correct answers were all d.  How many did you get right? ___



Please include a blank signed check.  (Required)    

Sign here______________________________

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Don’t worry about carrying too many suitcases; a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single schlep----fishducky

 






12 comments:

  1. Not at all surprised that people want to be in your family. People with taste and discrimination. Some of whom have a greedy streak.
    And yes, all my answers were d.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You have taste and discrimination--did you send a check?

      Delete
  2. I used to want to be part of a big happy family, now I'm more inclined to treasure my privacy and the silence of my home.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Silence" & "privacy" are 2 words big families are NOT familiar with!!

      Delete
  3. Darn! I can't travel and have no money. Oh well. LOL! ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have to admit age has slowed me down considerably. No more travel--I went to a 4:30 movie yesterday with friends, had dinner with them & slept until 10:00 this morning!!

      Delete
  4. You already know I want to join your family, and you definitely know I'm very, very weird and strange and the person in the family everyone else has fun pretending not to know.

    Love,
    Janie

    I'd like a car, please, or a new roof.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You'd probably fit in nicely. We'll get back to you!!

      Delete
  5. Goodness, that guy that slipped his ticket in with the kids sure had a set of brass ones:))
    In case you were wondering, I am available for adoption and am housebroken.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're a finalist; mostly due to you being housebroken!!

      Delete
  6. Ha! Such punishment to make your kids be seen with you.

    ReplyDelete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.