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Wednesday, June 1, 2016

I'M AFRAID OF CHUCK NORRIS


(An extensively reworked post from 2013 with almost all new pictures.)


Do you know who's the most powerful person of all time?  Not the President or a czar, not Einstein, not your mother, not Hercules & not even Superman--it's Chuck Norris!! 

Even Superman idolizes him!!



Some facts about Chuck Norris:


When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books.  He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.



There is no theory of evolution.  Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.



Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.



Chuck Norris does not sleep.  He waits.


Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.



Chuck Norris counted to infinity--twice.



There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard.  There is only another fist.


When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn't lifting himself up.  He's pushing the earth down.



Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world & punch himself in the back of the head.



Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush.


There used to be a street named Chuck Norris but it was renamed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris  & lives.


There is no such thing as global warming.  Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.


Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water and make him drink.



Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch; he decides what time it is.


Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.


Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.


Chuck Norris does not get frostbite.  Chuck Norris bites frost.


Google will not search for Chuck Norris because it knows you do not find Chuck Norris, he finds you.


   




So ask yourself: 

      













I'd better stop before he gets mad at me.  If he did, even the Witless Witness Protection Program probably couldn't help----fishducky

 




17 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Born on March 10, 1940, Chuck Norris started studying martial arts in Korea in the 1950s. He was serving in the U.S. Air Force at the time. When he returned home, Norris soon opened his karate studio. He switched to movies in the 1970s, appearing with Bruce Lee in Way of the Dragon. Norris became a popular action-film star in the 1980s, and starred in his own television series in the 1990s.

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  2. Chuck Norris doesn't scare me. I once lived with my mother.

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  3. I never watched his show but these are hysterical. :)

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    Replies
    1. Chuck & I are glad you liked them!!

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  4. That's it! I'm hiding in the closet!

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  5. I always wonder why people stand around Chuck in perfect position to be kicked. Why doesn't everyone just take a step backwards?

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    Replies
    1. I guess they're too polite--they also wait their turn to try to hit him!!

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  6. and I heard the flu had to get Chuck Norris Shots.
    Lisa

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  7. What a guy. He probably could solve the middle East problems. He has my vote for President.

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  8. We had a teacher at school whose name kids put in place of Chuck Norris. It was pretty funny.

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    Replies
    1. Male. But it would have been great if it was female!

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.