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Monday, June 6, 2016

NATURE ABHORS A VACUUM & I'M NOT TOO FOND OF THEM, EITHER!!



My hatred isn't limited to vacuum cleaners--it's to cleaning in general!!  I want a clean house, but I don't want to be the one that cleans it.  I could never understand my mother's method of lifting up a pile of papers or old magazines from a table, waxing the table & then putting the stuff back down.  I figured it was easier to just get rid of the papers.  You probably don't even have to dust. My house always looked clean, even when it wasn't.  (I figured that if someone wanted to give your house a white glove inspection, they should be allowed to find dust!!)  

Several years ago my husband gave my the most wonderful cleaning tool in the world.  Her name is Olivia.  She comes to my house every Monday.  She apparently has self-charging batteries because she never seems to run down, except for an occasional case of the flu.  I think everyone should have an Olivia on their wish list.

I found these wonderful house cleaning tips on jokeroo.com.  Any of them could be cross-stitched onto a sampler which I would happily hang in my home:

It is time to clean out the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.

The best mini-vac for an after meal clean-up is the dog.

Do not engage in unarmed combat with a dust bunny big enough to choke the vacuum cleaner.

You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again.

If guys were supposed to hang clothes up, door knobs would be bigger.

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim, "What? And spoil the mood?"

When writing your name in the dust on the table, omit the date.

If dusting is really out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist that "This is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes..."

These two should be added for safety's sake:

Dispose of any food products on which the expiration date reads "End of Stone Age".

Never make fried chicken in the nude.


If you actually enjoy cleaning (& the men in the little white coats haven't yet taken you away) you might consider opening a cleaning service.  Here are some names suggested by buzzle.com:

- Broom with a Clue
- Clean Sweep
- Clean Your Clock and Everything Else
- Down and Dirty Cleaning Service
- Grime Busters
- Let Us Hurt Your Dirt
- Maid to Order
- Rise 'n Shine
- Sweep You Off Your Feet
- Take a Bite Out of Grime
- The Dirty Spot
- Under the Rug Cleaners
- You Have It Maid
- Your Panes are Our Pleasure

And my personal favorite:

- Married to the Mop

Zsa Zsa Gabor considered herself a great housekeeper.  As she put it, "Every time I got a divorce, I kept the house!!"

I realize all this cleaning talk could be upsetting.
There are a few lucky women out there whose husbands do the housecleaning.
To watch this relaxing video while he cleans
(or you dream about him doing the cleaning)




















If you spill a cleaning product, have you made a mess?----fishducky

 




17 comments:

  1. Housework is evil.
    All of it.
    My mother told me that if you put a vase of fresh flowers in the room people will assume you have cleaned. Works for me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My mum's method was toss out the papers and shine all the taps. Most people see shine and an empty chair to sit on and don't notice the rest.

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    2. Are you sure we're not sisters?

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  2. Weirdest commercials, for sure--LOL! ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Those were commercials I would be happy to watch!!

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  3. Love the mailman packing heat with a vacuum cleaner.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It would have to be battery operated to be effective!!

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  4. Ive worked for a carpet cleaning buisness for 24 years now and only had my carpet cleaned once. Whats that say about me? Haha. But in my defense, Ive not lived in the same house for 24 years.
    Lisa

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We had our carpet cleaned a few months ago & all the spots have come back!!

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    2. Should have called Stanley Steemer!

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  5. Heh, heh! Nature abhorring the vacuum!

    My sister the ex-mayor's wife has a cleaning man. She cleans up the day before he comes, then she has to find somewhere to go because she doesn't want to be in the house while he's cleaning. Ex-mayor's wife's problems...

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    Replies
    1. I could NEVER understand doing that!!

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  6. I used to not mind vacuuming, wait long enough, say six months or so and it's fascinating watching all those nameless little things getting sucked up off the floor. But now, I find it really awkward manouvering the vacuum around ten pieces of furniture in a tiny room, so I just don't bother. (until I can't stand it anymore). Love the jokes, that first one about cleaning the fridge is going straight to my daughter!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How long between vacuuming & can't stand it?

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    2. It varies, mostly depending on whether I focus on the TV screen or the dust on everything surrounding it. Usually I manage to ignore the dust in favour of what's on TV, but eventually there comes a day when the fluffy bunnies under the furniture come rolling out to play and I know it's time to suck them up. With the vacuum of course.

      Delete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.