Tuesday, July 19, 2016


Thanks to those brilliant people at ArcaMax we can now understand the difference between some of what a man says & what he really means.  Below are some examples.  I realize they don't cover everything.  To fully understand, I had to learn to speak Man.

"We're going to be late," REALLY MEANS, "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard, "REALLY MEANS, "I can't hear the game
over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear," REALLY MEANS, "Are you still talking?"

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love,” REALLY MEANS, "I forgot our anniversary again."

"It's really a good movie," REALLY MEANS, "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and good 
looking women."

"You know how bad my memory is," REALLY MEANS, "I remember the words to the
theme song of "F Troop", the address of the first girl I kissed, the Vehicle Identification
Number of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself. It's no big deal," REALLY MEANS, "I have actually 
severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."

"I do
 help around the house," REALLY MEANS, "I once threw a dirty towel near the 
laundry basket."

"I can't find it," REALLY MEANS, "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm 
completely clueless."

"That's women's work," REALLY MEANS, "It's dirty, difficult and thankless."

"Will you marry me?" REALLY MEANS, "Both my roommates have moved out, I can't 
find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."

"It's a guy thing," REALLY MEANS, "There is no rational thought pattern connected 
with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical." 

"Can I help with dinner?" REALLY MEANS, "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"It would take too long to explain, "REALLY MEANS, "I have no idea how it works."

"I'm getting more exercise lately," REALLY MEANS, "The batteries in the remote are dead."

I admit that there are times a man might have difficulty in understanding the difference between what a woman says & what she means.  For those rare occasions, offers 
these translations:

“Fine.” Translation: The opposite of fine. This just means that the discussion is over.

“Do whatever you want.” Translation: This is a test of your judgment. I’m not going to tell you if I think it’s okay or not to do this thing. You should know enough about me by now to know if I’m okay with it. Which I’m not, by the way. If you do this, we are through.

“I need space.” Translation: Get the hell away from me. We’re probably about to break up.

“I’m almost ready.” Translation: I’ll be ready when I’m ready. Could be 10 minutes, could be an hour.  Find something else to do.

“You don’t have to, but …” Translation: If you don’t you’re going to be single very soon.

“We need to talk.” Translation: I need to talk. You need to listen.

“We’ll talk about this later.” Translation: I’m so furious with you that I can’t think straight. I need more time to gather ammunition and/or think about what the hell I’m still doing with you.

 “I don’t want to ruin our friendship.” Translation: You will never see me naked.

“It’s pretty.” Translation: Thank you for the gift. It’s the thought that counts. But I’m going 
to exchange this for something I actually like.

“Nothing.” Translation: Did you seriously ask me, “What’s wrong?” As if you don’t know. 
Everything is wrong. Everything. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

“Whatever.” Translation: You have won this round, but I refuse to concede, so I’m dismissing that last point you made, and we shall never speak of this again.

“I forgive you.” Translation: I’ve decided I can live with what you’ve done. But you should know that I’m going to use it against you for the rest of your life.

“Does this make me look fat?” Translation: If you answer “Yes,” you’re an idiot. Just tell me I look great.

“I’m not hungry.” Translation: You order whatever you want, just know that I’m going to be picking off your plate, and I don’t want you to give me any shit about it.

“That guy is hot.” Translation: I think you’re taking me for granted and/or you’re starting to let yourself go a little, so I’m lighting a little fire under your ass.

“Sense of humor is the most important thing to me.” Translation: But I’ll settle for that guy with the six-pack.

“I’m sorry.” Translation: I am empathizing with you for something bad that you went through. This does not mean I am admitting fault in any way.

“I’m tired.” Translation: I don’t want you anywhere near me tonight. I’ll be going to bed soon. After that, feel free to go to town on yourself. Just leave me out of it.

“What did you say?” Translation: I just gave you a get-out-of-jail-free card. It’s up to you to rephrase that stupid thing you just said to avoid a huge fight.

“I’m not mad.” Translation: I’m mad.

“Do you think she’s pretty?” Translation: Tell me I’m pretty. And you get bonus points if you don’t even look at her before you answer.

 “Don’t worry about it.” Translation: I’ve asked you five times to fix the sink and you still haven’t done it? I can’t count on you for anything.

“Maybe.” Translation: No.

“We’ll see.” Translation: No.

“Yes.” Translation: Yes. Or maybe. But probably no.

“No.” Translation: This one’s not open to interpretation. Always, always, always assume that when you hear this word, she means what she’s saying, even if she doesn’t. If you get it wrong, that’s on her, not you.

Of course, men's & women's brains are wired differently:


I apologize if I insulted anyone, but I was trying to be fair to both sexes,  Translation: It's not my fault----fishducky




  1. I listened to "A Tale of Two Brains" and discovered I have a man's brain. With a big "nothing" box, and I'm not kidding. I rarely get stressed, but when I do, I go straight to the "nothing" box. Other times, I can just sit and not be thinking of anything. I used to wonder if there was something wrong with me because I just don't "get" all the constant chatter and carry-on that most women seem to be doing.

    1. It might be nice to have a man's brain--at times!!

  2. Sadly, because I can see some very real benefits, I don't have a man's brain. Somedays I don't have any brain, but on the days I do it isn't one a man would claim.

    1. Can you tell me what the exact benefits would be?

  3. I can relate to most of these.

  4. The brain video was hysterical!
    Maybe that explains why there is such a lack of communication when men are running governments and companies--LOL! ;)

  5. This one is my favorite, so I'm filing it for future use: “Sense of humor is the most important thing to me.” Translation: But I’ll settle for that guy with the six-pack.

    1. PS Thank you for the gigglies, Fishducky. I hope you're well.

    2. I'm fine--& you're welcome!!

  6. This was fun and sooo true. I have been guilty of what we women mean and have tried to deal with what men mean. Could have used this information early on.
    Kind of wish I had a nothing box for occasional use.

    1. You can probably get one on EBay!!

  7. The answers to the doctor/shoulder question! So true.

  8. I know what it means when Willy Dunne Wooters says, "Let's lie down and rest." I don't get no rest.


    1. So you speak a phrase or two of Man?

    2. Let's say I've learned from experience.

  9. Oh, these are oh-so funny, because they are oh-so TRUE! Loved 'em.

    1. Almost all good humor is based on truth!!

  10. Ha! I know when I ask my wife what's wrong and she shrugs and says, "Nothing," it's always something.

    1. "It's always something" is what Roseanne Roseanna Danna used to say on Saturday Night Live!!


Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.