FISHDUCKY FOR PRESIDENT

(Some of this is reworked from an 11/14 post.  Most of it isn't.)

The Republican convention was in Ohio a couple of weeks ago.  The Democratic convention was in Pennsylvania last week.  The fishducky convention starts tonight at my home in California. I've rented extra chairs.  Everybody gets a free pair of leggings:

I realize it might be a little late to start campaigning, but here I am; throwing my feathers into the ring!!  I'm sure I could handle the job.  I'm a wise old bird--I'm pretty sure I've got some owl in my veins.  (My husband says that it's vulture, but I don't think so.)  If you don't feel comfortable putting a hairy Trump--or a scary frump--in the White House, would you consider giving me your vote?

Our family does have some experience in politics:

After his discharge Uncle Lee wanted to let his clients know that he was out of the Army.  He didn’t want to send out announcements.  He reasoned that some of them might not be seen (if the client was in prison) or left unnoticed & unopened.  He had a typically brilliant Uncle Lee idea.  He ran for mayor of Los Angeles!  He wasn’t elected, but he didn’t want to be.  He figured that, for much less than the cost of printing & mailing announcements, people would read the newspapers or listen to the radio & say to themselves, “Oh, good!  Lee’s back!”

I, myself, have been voting for years.  Now that I'm running, I could actually vote for someone instead of just against their opponent.  The last time I was really able to do that was when I voted for John F. Kennedy in the 50's.  (I voted for Obama but I didn't feel quite as strongly about him as I did Kennedy.)

My platform is simple:  Be nice to each other!! 

Like this:

I agree with this:

Our Rights:

The following was written by State Representative Mitchell Kaye from Cobb County, GA

We, the SENSIBLE people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, basically lazy people. We hold these truths to be self-evident:

ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone - not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful. Do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.

ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in health care.

ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big-screen color TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII: You don't have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.

ARTICLE IX: You don't have the right to a job. All of us sure want all of you to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.

ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to pursue happiness, which, by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.
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Actually, I don't approve of political jokes.  I've seen too many of them get elected. But I just can't resist, so:

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. The farmer, after seeing what had happened, went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole to bury the politicians. When the local sheriff came out & saw the crashed bus, he asked the farmer where all the politicians had gone. He told him he had buried them. The sheriff asked the farmer, "Were they ALL dead?" He said, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but they were politicians & I didn’t believe them!"

A quote from Bette Midler:

"I haven't left my house in days.  I watch the news channels incessantly.  All the news stories are about the election.  All the commercials are for Viagra & Cialis. Election, erection, election, erection--either way it's about getting screwed!"

Actual political quotes:

 ''Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it.''—Mark Twain

"I resent your insinuendoes."

"If we don’t make some changes, the status quo will remain the same."

"We’re going to have the best-educated American people in the world."

"I support efforts to limit the terms of members of Congress, especially members of the House and members of the Senate." -- Dan Quayle

"If Lincoln were alive today, he’d roll over in his grave."

"We do not have censorship. What we have is a limitation on what newspapers can report."

"Candidly, I cannot answer that. The question is too suppository."

"Outside of the killings in Washington DC, we have one of the lowest crime rates in the nation." -- Marion Berry

"Let’s jump off that bridge when we come to it."

"To be demeanered like that is an exercise in fertility."

"I deny the allegations, and I defy the allegators."

"If somebody’s gonna stab me in the back, I want to be there."

"When you’re talking to me, keep your mouth shut."

"Let’s do this in one foul swoop."

"I want to thank each and every one of you for having extinguished yourselves in this session."

"We’ll run it up the flagpole and see who salutes that booger."

"I would like to take this time to reirritate my remarks."

"The average age of a 7 year old in this state is 13."

"I hate to confuse myself with the facts."

"We have a permanent plan for the time being."

"Family planning has many misconceptions."

"The people in my district do not want this highway bypass, no matter if it goes through or around the city."

"My knowledge is no match for his ignorance."

"As long as I am in the Senate, there will not be a nuclear suppository in our state."

"These numbers are not my own; they are from someone who knows what he’s talking about."

"People planning on getting into serious accidents should have their seat belts on."

"In 1994, Americans stand on the horns of an enema."

''I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency -- even if I'm in a Cabinet meeting.''—Ronald Reagan

''The Democrats are the party of government activism, the party that says government can make you richer, smarter, taller, and get the chickweed out of your lawn. Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work, and then get elected and prove it.''—P.J. O'Rourke, 'Parliament of Whores'

''It was absolutely involuntary. They sank my boat.''—President John Kennedy, answering a 
little boy on how he became a war hero

I thought you might be interested in this pendant of mine.

These were given to prospective voters in 1928,

the year before the Great Depression.

I promise to do better than he did:

"Hoover lucky pocket piece"

"Good for 4 years of prosperity"

As they say in Chicago, "VOTE EARLY & OFTEN!"----fishducky