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Thursday, August 11, 2016

HERCULES aka HERACLES aka ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER





Hercules is the Roman name for this god (who was actually Greek) & Heracles is his Greek name.  Schwarzenegger is, I believe, an Austrian name, but I don’t really care because this isn’t about him.

The god Zeus was a player & Hercules’ very existence proved at least one of his many illicit affairs.  Hera (Mrs. Zeus) often conspired against Zeus' mortal offspring as revenge for her husband's infidelities.  (The mother of Hercules & his fraternal twin brother Iphicles was a human named Alcmene, also known as Amphitryon, but I’ll just call her Amy.  Zeus was Amy's baby daddy.)  One day Mrs. Zeus decided it would be a good idea to sneak a pair of snakes into the infants’ cradle & kill the boys.  (She was a short tempered bitch strong minded lady & it’s probably safer to refer to her with respect so I’ll continue to refer to her as Mrs. Zeus.)   Little Hercules strangled the snakes & from that day on, his parents saw no need to hire a babysitter for the twins.

Things went pretty well after that during his younger years.  His troubles, like those of many other men’s, didn’t really start until he was married.  Mrs. Zeus still could not forgive her husband for having had Hercules as an illicit son, so she tricked Hercules into a wild rage.  In his rage, Hercules killed his three sons.  When he realizes what he has done, he almost kills himself.

He’s understandably a little upset at what he’s done & because they didn’t have shrinks yet Hercules visits the Oracle at Delphi for advice. The Oracle tells him to go to Eurystheus, who sees a chance to get some work done for free.  Eurystheus gives him a “to do” list you wouldn’t believe. Hercules had to kill the lion of Nemea, kill a creature with nine heads called the Hydra, capture a stag with horns of gold, kill a boar, clean the thousands of Aegean stables in one day, exile the Stymphalian birds, go to Crete and retrieve the beautiful savage bull that Poseidon gave Minos, retrieve the man-eating mares, bring back the girdle of Hippolyta, return the cattle of Geryon (a monster with three bodies), bring back the Golden Apples of Hesperides & finally, bring Cerberus the three-headed dog up from Hades.  After he finished, Eurystheus said he could take the rest of the day off.

In the way he accepts his fate and seeks purification, Hercules proves himself to be humble in the way that Greek culture called for.  His mother was human so Hercules was born a half-god but before he retired he was promoted to full god.














I list my occupation as "Domestic Goddess" on my tax return (true) because one should never lie to the IRS----fishducky

 



13 comments:

  1. I love comedy stories about ancient Gods, ancestry is fascinating.
    I agree with the objector, a steady diet of nothing but Ambrosia could get boring.

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  2. Medusa in the morning could be me.
    I am pretty certain that as well as boring, Ambrosia is fattening.

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    1. If it's good, it's DEFINITELY fattening!!

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  3. Ive always loved Greek mythology....and Arnold.
    Lisa

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    1. As my aunt said about her ex-husband; he once looked like a Greek god, now he just looks like a Goddamn Greek!!

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  4. Those gods and goddesses and their offspring did a lot of raping and killing. When I took Greek Mythology, I wish I'd written on a test that Mrs. Zeus was a short tempered bitch. The professor's face would have been great.

    Love,
    Janie

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  5. The Greek gods were so wacky it's hard to believe they were ever taken seriously.

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    1. It's amazing what you can get a large group of people to believe; just look at our elections!!

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  6. Those Greek deities really were schemers weren't they? The Fishducky version however was more diabolical, R rated and interesting.

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.