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Wednesday, September 14, 2016

BIRTH CONTROL ON THE INTERNET



(Reworked from a May, 2013 post.)

There's a wonderful website I've discovered that speaks volumes for birth control.  It is not posted by Planned Parenthood or by any religious organization. It was started by a woman who just wanted to show her family some of the things her kids had done.  It's called "ShitMyKidsRuined.com" & it took off like a house on fire.  I never really understood that expression, but anyhow, parents loved it & submitted photos of their own personal catastrophes. If you're thinking of getting married or adopting a pet, she also has websites for those things--just substitute "wife", "husband" or "pet" for "kids"when you do a search.  Today, I'm just going to post some of her excerpts for kids.  The parent's comments are included.  If these don't make you become celibate or at least consider birth control, nothing will!

TV or pinata?
The other morning while my sister in law was in the shower, my 5 year-old nephew took a stick to the TV and beat it until it completely broke, as evidenced by the above picture. This act was so out of character for him and I couldn’t figure out why he would do this.
It wasn’t until I asked what he was watching at the time that it all became very clear. He’d been watching “Curious George’s Birthday” which is all about a piñata, and I guess he just wanted to join in on the fun, not thinking that it would actually break the TV.  He had just hit a piñata over the weekend for a birthday party, so I guess it was just a little too fresh in his mind.

Shredded ticket
My son, Bryce, who is 2 years old, shredded our lotto ticket with 16 draws left on it. It was a $100 ticket. My husband left our office door open and our son climbed the desk, plucked the lotto ticket from the basket, put it in the shredder saying ‘Bills, bills’ as he shredded it.
Frantic, I searched through the shopping bag that lined the basket of the shredder, found most of the pieces and put them together. When we called Florida Lotto they said that the ticket is now useless in its condition.  We wouldn’t have won anything from it yet, but this could be an EPIC FAIL if we would have. I’m going to neatly place it in my son’s baby book, if we would have won, as a constant reminder of why he is the only 16 year old kid WITHOUT a car of his own.

Thanks, Wyatt!
I was doing dishes and looked over to see my 1 year old had ripped off the keys to my laptop. UGH! I did manage to get most of them back on.

16 month old boy manages to reverse cell phone text
Let your kid hold your cell phone to keep him quiet and he will do this … all text is reversed and must now be read in a mirror. Removing the battery does not fix the problem. The boy clearly possesses some evil electronic superpower.

Secret stash
I caught my 19 month old son sticking one of his crayons in the VCR. When I went to take it away from him I noticed something bright and yellow sticking out of the flap so on closer examination this is what I discovered inside. Yep, that’s Halloween candy in there. I removed about 14 pieces of candy as well as 2 more crayons and some refrigerator magnets. There is still a Tootsie Pop in there but it’s shoved so far back in there I can’t get it out.

Our fish
My 3 year old thought our fish would enjoy an entire container of black pepper for breakfast!

Spicy floor recipe

Here’s the recipe. Just pour out and mix together…

7 oz. cinnamon, 7 oz. baking powder, 4 oz. black pepper, 2 oz. garam masala, 1 oz. cumin, 1 oz. nutmeg, 1 oz. cream of tartar, 1 oz. coriander, 2 oz. chili powder, dash of white pepper.
Now, I would have probably mixed it in a bowl, instead of on the floor, but I digress…

Sweeney toddler
Sweeney Toddler. The day before Easter family photos.

E is for elderly
Notice how he lovingly writes MOTHER down the left side.  I was all aglow until I read the E : Elderly.  He definitely ruined my vanity!  But, gotta love the rest of it!

Cracked in the eye!
When my daughter was about 3, I was helping her step into her jammie pants. She randomly jumped straight up, and cracked me in the eye with her freakin rock head. This was just what I looked like the first night… it only got better from there.
I now have 3 kids and this picture still accurately depicts how I feel on a day to day basis.

AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:
                                               $180,000 Porsche vs. garage door 
Here’s a little visual taste of this story.
READ the story here, it's hilarious!  Thank you, Peter Cheney!!


Some quotes that seem apt for today:

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--"Keep away from children." --Phyllis Diller


The way I look at it, if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then I've done my job. --Roseanne Barr














Grandchildren are God's reward for letting your own children live----Erma Bombeck (& fishducky)



21 comments:

  1. Some very scary images there.
    Perhaps it is just as well I am childless.

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  2. I'm stunned. Truly stunned.
    Kids actually do this stuff?
    oh, wait...I remember a pair of four year old twin girls who regularly visited the kids next door. The mother had very little control over them and when they were sent to the upstairs bedroom to calm down, they threw everything they could handle out the window. The same twins sneaked out of the next door house from a sleepover and came into our yard at the crack of dawn to jump on our trampoline. I guess some kids do actually do this stuff.

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    Replies
    1. My son Matt used an umbrella to jump from a second story porch to the driveway--ONCE!!

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    2. My son Matt used to dive from the fence onto the trampoline, surprisingly never got whiplash.

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  3. Replies
    1. It's better when they can't conspire with siblings!!

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  4. Ha!!! Love that Erma Bombeck quote.

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  5. OMG! Glad I only had one to deal with. He cut his bangs off once. Luckily I didn't hear about a few of his secret escapades until he was grown--LOL! The porsche story was something else!

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    Replies
    1. Re the Porsche story: I have NO idea what I would have done!!

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  6. Replies
    1. I think it's funny when my kids argue over which one is my favorite when I'm not sure I like any of them!!

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  7. Kids will be kids. who cares what the advocate of birth control( my son included) say. They are more than a lotto ticket. LOL

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    Replies
    1. "Kids will be kids" sort of sums up the problem!!

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  8. Thank you for stopping by, I have been helping a neighbor who is confused plus work and commute. I hardly get time to read. I shall start again. This is too good to miss.

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    Replies
    1. I ALWAYS read (& usually comment) on your post--I've missed you!!

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  9. Mine were pretty good, until they got old enough to tell me stuff I never knew they did!

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    Replies
    1. I thought mine were great, too--until they confessed as adults!!

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  10. Oh my gosh! Some of these are downright hilarious! The car story one made me cringe!

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.