(It's not me--Google is playing with my fonts.)
On July 20, 1969, as commander of the Apollo 11 Lunar Module, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon. His first words after stepping on the moon, "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind," were televised to earth and heard by millions.
But, just before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark, "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky." Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet cosmonaut.
However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years, many people questioned Armstrong as to what the 'Good luck, Mr. Gorsky' statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.
On July 5, 1995, in Tampa Bay, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question about Mr. Gorsky to Armstrong.
This time he finally responded because his Mr. Gorsky had just died, so Armstrong felt he could now answer the question.
Here is the answer to "Who was Mr. Gorsky?":
In 1938, when he was a kid in a small mid-western town, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit the ball which landed in his neighbor's yard by their bedroom window. His neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky.
When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in his backyard. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky saying, "Oral sex!! You want oral sex? You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!!"
It broke the place up.
(Neil Armstrong's family confirmed that this is a true story.
Do pass it on; it's too choice not to be shared.)
Little Johnny and Susie are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love.
One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Susie's father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Smith, me and Susie are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?" Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies "In Susie's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Susie." Again, Johnny instantly replies, "Our allowance... Susie makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine."
By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won't have an answer to. After a second, Mr. Smith says, "Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out.
I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?" Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says "Well, we've been lucky so far..."
A man is in Las Vegas & has been so unlucky that he has lost every cent he has in the world, except for $20.00. He's debating whether to use it to buy a bus ticket home or for a gun to shoot himself. Suddenly he hears a little voice in his ear saying, "Go to the roulette table." He tries to ignore it, but the little voice keeps repeating, "Go to the roulette table," over & over.
He goes to the roulette table. The little voice says, "Put all your money on red 18." He does. The croupier spins the wheel. It comes up red 18.
He's about to pick up his winnings when he hears the little voice say, "Let it ride!"
He lets it ride & again it comes up red 18.
Again, "Let it ride!!"
Again, red 18!!
Over & over again!!
If he wins the next bet, he will have broken the bank & the casino will be his. The wheel spins, the ball bounces from number to number, into red 18 & then out again & comes to rest in the next number, black 29.
The little voice says, "Oh, shit!!"
I found these next two jokes on jokebuddha.com:
A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"
"What, dear?" she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
"I think you're bad luck."
This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off. After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I'm afraid to pee.