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Tuesday, October 11, 2016

HAVE YOU (LIKE ME) PUT ON A COUPLE OF EXTRA POUNDS?







I apologize beforehand if I offend you in any weigh, shape, or form.
(Daniel L. Worona & fishducky)

I weighed 125 pounds all the way through high school & when I was first married.  Let's just say I weigh a little (?) more than that now.  I would never say anything to denigrate fat people anyone who might be carrying a little extra weight, so I'll let these people give you the skinny on fat:

From bbwcupid.com:

“Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.”
- Anonymous

“Brain cells come and brain cells go but fat cells live forever!”
- Anonymous

“Thin people are beautiful but fat people are adorable!”
- Jackie Gleason

“With my sunglasses on I’m Jack Nicholson; without them, I’m fat and 60!”
- Jack Nicholson

“When we lose twenty pounds…we may be losing the best twenty pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty.”
- Woody Allen

“You’re either too fat or too thin. You just can’t win.”
- Natalie Imbruglia

“In the Middle Ages, they had guillotines, stretch racks, whips and chains. Nowadays, we have a much more effective torture device called the bathroom scale.”
- Stephen Phillips


“I’ve always thought of fat as just a descriptive word.”
- Camryn Manheim

“If nature had intended for our skeletons to be visible it would have put them on the outside of our bodies.”
- Elmer Rice

“I recently had my annual physical examination, which I get once every seven years, and when the nurse weighed me, I was shocked to discover how much stronger the Earth's gravitational pull has become since 1990.“
- Dave Barry

“I am a nutritional overachiever!”
- Anonymous

“If I had been around when Rubens was painting, I would have been revered as a fabulous model. Kate Moss? Well, she would have been the paintbrush!”
- Dawn French

“The reason fat people are happy is that their nerves are well protected.”
- Luciano Pavarotti

“I have gained and lost the same ten pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have déjà vu.”
- Jane Wagner

“I am in shape. Round is a shape.”
- Anonymous
 

From goodreads.com:

(Referring to the piano's natural shape) “Isn't it a shame when those big fat opera singers lean against the pianos and bend them?”
- Victor Borge

“I'm 190 pounds of rock hard muscle, underneath 40 pounds of sturdy protective fat.”
John Swartzwelder

"If I were thin, I’d never say 'I am powerless over fudge.'  a) I can’t believe I actually ever said that. b) Which, of course, isn't to say that I do have any power over fudge. Particularly if it has nuts.” 
- Camryn Manheim

I found these at danworona.50megs.com:

Skinny definition: If fatty means "full of fat," shouldn't skinny mean "full of skin"?

If God wanted us to go on diets, He would have given us willpower.

Riddle: There are two fat guys under an umbrella without either one of them getting wet. How can that be?
A: It wasn't raining.


Yo mama is so fat, I ran around her twice and got lost.

Yo mama is so fat, when she crosses the street, cars look out for her.
-----------------

I was checking out at the busy super market, and the cashier was having problems. The register ran out of paper, the scanner malfunctioned, and finally the cashier spilled a handful of coins. When she totaled my order, it came to exactly $22.

Trying to soothe her nerves, I said, "That's a nice round figure."

Still frazzled, she glared at me and said, "You're no bean pole yourself."


The only diet that would work for me:





























I don't normally put political stuff on this blog
but I thought it was important that everyone reads this!!

I do not believe in diets. The closest I've been to a diet is erasing the food searches from my browser history----fishducky


 






18 comments:

  1. I am probably impossible to kidnap. Which is just as well because I doubt anyone would pay a ransom.
    Your must read political article is just plain scary.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No one has ever tried to kidnap me, either. I find Mr. Trump to be EXTREMELY scary!!

      Delete
  2. Yes, I have put on a pound or two, several times in fact. Thank heavens for elastic waists.
    I'm going out to dinner next Saturday with some old friends from work, I hope they recognise me (*~*)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aren't we lucky God gave us elastic?!!

      Delete
  3. When I was a smoker, I always marveled at how it was apparently ok for an overweight person to advise me that smoking could kill me, yet I couldn't tell them to enjoy your diabetes and future heart attack or stroke. Not that I would...just saying. At least I never have to worry about second hand fat. And yes, I still need to lose 15 pounds.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're doing good; I wish I only needed to lose 15 pounds!!

      Delete
  4. Ok, I want a burger, fries and shake tee shirt.

    ReplyDelete
  5. My son gave me my first Krispy Kreme donut recently. I knew if I tried them I'd be addicted. That bastard. Now I have another addiction to add to my list. One damn donut and I gain fifty pounds. Maybe it was the fifty donuts I ate after the first one because of the addiction. My kids are in such good shape they could eat Krispy Kreme all day and still look gorgeous. I knew there was a reason I hated them. Thanks for the link. Donald says, It's just words, folks. I say it's never just words because WORDS ARE POWER. My son is offended if he's out with the guys and someone comments on a woman's appearance. I guess he's not a total bastard.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I feel fortunate that there's NO Krispy Kreme in my neighborhood!! I agree with you about words & power.

      Delete
  6. I call it my "chemo" weight - but now that Im going to live, I have to start getting rid of it...its hard to say goodbye...esp. around candy and goodies season! :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Candy & goodies season lasts all year at my house!!

      Delete
  7. I like the one about being on the wrong planet. The more I worry about my weight, the more I seem to eat...I just like all the wrong foods!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You mean the ones that taste really good?

      Delete
  8. Heh, heh! The bouncy castle!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We are all free to worship in our own way!!

      Delete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.