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Tuesday, November 22, 2016

DON'T HAVE A COW, MAN!


For all of you (that would be approximately nobody) who have asked me to run another cow post, here it is!!  I just felt like posting this.  You can read my first cow post by clicking here.  

Today's title was inspired by Bart Simpson.

This post consists entirely of cow jokes & riddles (from jokes4us.com), cartoons & one video.  Are you ready?  Don't moo-oove a muscle.  Let's go!!

Two cows were out in a field eating grass. One cow turns to the other cow and says, "Moooooo!" "Hey", the other cow replies.... "I was just about to say the same thing!" 
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A man staggers into the emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, and a five iron wrapped around his neck. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened. "Well, it was like this" said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around I noticed that one of the cows had something white in its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That’s when I made my mistake." "What did you do?" asked the doctor. "Well, I lifted the tail, pointed, and yelled to my wife, 'Hey! This looks like yours!!' "
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Q: Why don't cows have any money? 
A: Because farmers milk them dry 

Q: What did mama cow say to baby cow?
 A: It's pasture bedtime. 

 Q: Do you know why the cow jumped over the moon? 
A: The farmer had cold hands.

Q: What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? 
A: Beef strokin' off. 

Q: How do you make a milkshake? 
A: Give a cow a pogo stick. 

Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of humor? 
A: Laughing stock. 

Q: What do you get when you walk under a cow? 
A: A pat on the head.

Q: Why do cows wear bells? 
A: Their horns don't work. 

Q: What are the spots on black and white cows? 
A: Holstains 

Q: What kind of milk comes from a forgetful cow?
A: Milk of Amnesia 

Q: What do call a cow that has just had a calf? 
A: Decalfenated 

Q: Did you hear about the cow that wasn't interested in bulls? 
A: She was an Ho-Moo-Sexual.

Q: What do you call a cow with no front legs?
A: Lean Beef 

Q: What do you call a cow with no legs at all? 
A: Ground beef 

Q: What do you get when you cross and smurf and a cow? 
A: Blue cheese! 

Q: What does an invisible man drink? 
A: Evaporated milk

Q: What do you call an Arab next to a cow? 
A: A Milk Sheikh
























If you didn't like these cow jokes don't worry, I've got udders----fishducky






12 comments:

  1. and if you feed a cow chocolate, then give her a pogo stick, you'll get a chocolate milkshake :)

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  2. Loved the golf ball. The assault was understandable.

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    Replies
    1. All he said was that it looked like hers!!

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  3. Great bovine humor. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family.

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  4. I think the tattoo shop would be more profitable than the cow pie shop!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And the tattooist would be much tastier than a cow pie!!

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.