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Friday, December 30, 2016

WE’LL MEET YOU AT THE AIRPORT








(I posted this the last four New Year's--I'm making it my standard New Year's post, but all the cartoons are new!!)


Want to come with us on the trip of a lifetime?  You have the weekend off, don’t you?  Pack your (virtual) bags & join us on our travels through the Orient.  We took this trip in 1980.  We went with our friends, Joe & Helen.  Joe, like Joe E. Lewis, had been rich & he had been poor. (As Joe E. Lewis said, “Rich is better!”)  When our Joe was rich he traveled strictly first class, so on this trip, we did, too!!

The trip started with a JAL (Japanese Air Lines) flight from Los Angeles to Tokyo.  Maybe.  My husband claims it was Singapore Air Lines.  I can’t remember, but he’s usually right.  It was an overnight flight, so after a wonderful dinner--a roast carved right in front of you--we watched a movie & then were shown to our bedrooms.  Yes, I said bedrooms!  It was the only time we ever had real beds & not reclining seats on a plane.  

At the hotel, we opted to take Japanese style rooms.  We slept on futons on the floor.  I had a marvelous night’s sleep & woke up refreshed & raring to go.  I swung my legs over the side of the bed (forgetting I was on a futon), put my feet on the floor & found my knees right next to my head!!  We took a cab tour/shopping trip through the city.  The cherry blossoms were in bloom.  Beautiful!!  I don’t know if they still do it, but the cabs drove with their lights on.  When they were stopped at a red light they turned them off.


           
From Tokyo we flew to Singapore, where we stayed at a suite at the Holiday Inn.  Not first class, you say?  Wrong!  This suite came with a personal butler.  How lovely it was to spend the day shopping (Helen & I took a local bus.  We figured it would be fun even if we got lost, which we didn’t.) & then come back to our suite, take off our shoes & have the butler take our packages & pour us a glass of wine.  

Joe & Bud stayed in the room one day playing gin rummy while we shopped.  There were prostitutes available & Joe wanted to hire a couple of them.  Not for sex--he thought it would be funny to have them sitting there naked, watching our two guys playing cards, when we got back.  Good thing he didn’t--I’m not sure how funny Helen or I would have thought it was.  

Below is a picture of apartments flying the “Singapore National Flag”.  That’s right—it’s laundry drying!  Look at how spotless the streets are.  Also, here’s a picture of a small shrine on a street in Singapore.

                  



                                                       










We took the ferry to Hong Kong.  I think it cost less than 25 cents per person, American money.  Hong Kong was a shopper’s paradise.  In one of the MANY jewelry stores, I fell in love with a delicate gold & jade bracelet.  I can’t remember what they were asking for it, but it was probably around $1,000—way out of our price range.  They expected you to bargain in these stores, but I am not a bargainer.  Bud is.  After lengthy negotiations, he told them he would pay no more than $400.  They countered with $410.  He told them $400 was his final offer.  They asked if he was going to let a mere $10 keep his wife from having this bracelet that she so obviously loved.  He said “Yes” & we walked out of the store.  They cane running after us.  Bud won--or I guess I did--I got my $400 bracelet!   

At that time, Hong Kong had a couple of department stores run by the communist government.  Their prices were unbelievable.  There was no bargaining, nor was any necessary.  Bud got a few silk neckties & I bought a pair of 100% silk slacks & 2 embroidered “pictures”--all for around $1 each!  

'We also took a bus tour of part of China--a difficult thing to do at the time because of politics.  I remember visiting a kindergarten (the children were adorable) & being served warm beer.  Below is a picture of busy Hong Kong harbor.


Our next stop was Manila, where we stayed in the Douglas MacArthur suite of our hotel.  I’m not used to the life of a plantation slave owner, so I was uncomfortable with the fact that we had a houseboy who slept on the kitchen floor.  Manila seemed to have only the very rich or the very poor--no middle class.  If you were poor, you lived on the street (literally) & begged.  If you were rich, your world was filled with beautiful places that Ferdinand & Imelda Marcos had built.  We found it depressing.

From there we went to Thailand.  There were many signs in the airport warning travelers to watch out for pickpockets & con men.  (We got a call at the hotel from a man who identified himself as our driver & told us our car was ready.  That would have been fine, except we hadn’t yet ordered a car!!) 

We had dinner in the penthouse restaurant of our hotel.  The maĆ®tre d’ seated us & handed each of us a menu.  He returned in a couple of minutes & very apologetically took my menu & Helen’s & gave us new ones.  We couldn’t understand why until Joe explained it.  We had originally been given “host” menus--with prices--instead of “guest” menus--with no prices.  Neither Helen nor I had noticed there were prices on ours!!  

Thailand was fascinating.  We saw Buddhist monks with their shaved heads & colorful robes.  We saw the palace of the king of Siam.  It was being renovated & was covered in scaffolding & it was still the most beautiful building I’d ever seen.  The outer walls were covered by thousands of tiny mosaics.  We rode a bus (motorboat) down one of the many canals & went to an elephant market.  Below are pictures of Bud, me & Helen in front of the palace & Joe looking at a baby elephant being offered for sale at the market.




To see weird New Year's Eve traditions
from around the world, click here.

A tweet from pourmecoffee;
"I hope 2016 doesn't get rerunned.
The plot was ridiculous & none of the characters were likable."


A reminder from Fozzie Bear not to over-imbibe tomorrow night:

Look what happens when you put noisemakers in the exhaust:
                                        




My New Year's resolutions are:

1. Stop making lists
B. Be more consistent
7. Learn to count


















You’ve had 37 years to pack—aren’t you ready yet?----fishducky

 

Thursday, December 29, 2016

SOME BIBLICAL HUMOR or I HOPE YOU-KNOW-WHO DOESN'T SMITE ME





(This was sent to me by my Ducky, Carole.  Thank you, Carole!!)



A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?
The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly," It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'”
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There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.
 ========
"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."
 ========
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.
Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."
========
There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
========
A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?"
A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.
"Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.
"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven.."
========
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."
========
People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.
========
Last, but not least, a great one:

The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.
"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner."
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!!



These tweets are from BuzzFeed:


Person: “God dang it.” God: “IT HAS BEEN DANGED.”



































I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get older.  Then it dawned on me--they were cramming for their finals.   As for me, I'm just hoping that God grades on the curve----fishducky