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Wednesday, December 28, 2016

I WISH I HAD WRITTEN/SAID/DONE/THOUGHT OF THAT!!




Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam.  The last question was, “Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.”  One student was hard put to think of seven advantages.

However, he started off with:

 1) It is the perfect formula for the child.
 2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
 3) It is always the right temperature.
 4) It is inexpensive.
 5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
 6) It is always available as needed.

And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:

  7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground where the cat can't get at it.

He got an A.
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Sometime around 1970, Bud & I were driving down Pacific Coast Highway.  We passed a very expensive, very exclusive restaurant &, on a whim, decided to have a late lunch there.  The maître d’ greeted us & asked if we had a reservation.  We told him we didn’t & he said he’d see what he could do.  He turned & studied the nearly empty dining area for several moments.  He then turned back to us & asked, with a straight face, “Would you prefer a round table or a square one?”
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When our sons were in the Cub Scouts, Bud was the troop leader & I was the head den mother.  We were talking to some of the other parents about our upcoming trip (our first) to Paris.  We said we were booked into a hotel room that was at one time occupied by Mistinguett, who had been a famous actress, singer & courtesan (hooker? mistress?) & that the furniture was mirrored & that there was a fur bedspread.  Bud & I were on the bed, doing what married couples do on a bed besides sleeping, when I told him to move his hand.  He asked why & I told him “I can’t see!!”  

One of the fathers, Abe, was a furrier.  He asked for a nude photo on that bedspread.  We told him OK.  When we returned, we hosted a dinner for all the adult leaders & their spouses.  After dinner we told them that since we had a captive audience, we knew they’d love to see slides of our trip.   We showed them a few pictures of the Eiffel Tower, the Champs d’Elysee, etc. & then this one, below.  I don’t think it was exactly what Abe expected, but IT GOT A STANDING OVATION!!


My kids always ordered one of these:

This would save so much time:

Maybe this would have convinced them to clean their rooms:

So that we could have given them this:

 This looks correct to me:

Wishful thinking?:

So true!!:
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10 comments:

  1. Sarcasm is a universal language, but some people are much more fluent in it than others.
    Another great post. Thanks Fran.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love the car pool, it would be so handy when stuck in a summer time traffic jam.
    The tooth fairy letter wouldn't have worked in my house, but a note that said "clean this room or I'll move you back in with your sister" worked very well.
    I'm not fluent in sarcasm, but I try.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm pretty sure the kid in advanced biology knew the correct 7th answer, but could not resist a better smart-ass response. I'd have given him an A+.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Love Bud's version of Burt. Hope that is framed somewhere in your house.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Would you believe an oil painting over the fireplace?

      Delete
  5. That vending machine would have a belly full of dimes and quarters if it was in a FedEx facility, because THEY DON'T READ SIGNS!!!

    ReplyDelete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.