Thursday, December 15, 2016


(Reworked from a March, 2013 post.  Today's prices are probably somewhat higher.)

I saw this online & I said to myself, “Fishducky, this is a great idea!”  “What?”  (I often don’t pay attention when speaking to myself.)  Anyway, this is what I read:

Some time ago my husband and I were on a cruise.   At dinner we noticed an elderly lady sitting alone along the rail of the grand stairway in the main dining room.   I also noticed that all the staff, ships officers, waiters, busboys, etc., all seemed very familiar with this lady.   I asked our waiter who the lady was, expecting to be told she owned the line, but he said he only knew that she had been on board for the last four cruises, back to back.

As we left the dining room one evening I caught her eye and stopped to say hello.   We chatted and I said, "I understand you've been on this ship for the last four cruises."   She replied, "Yes, that's true."  I stated, "I don't understand" and she replied, without a pause, "It's cheaper than a nursing home." 

So, there will be no nursing home in my future.   When I get old(er) and (more) feeble, I am going to get on a cruise ship.   The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day.   I have checked on reservations and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day.   That leaves $65 a day for: 

1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.

2. You can have as many as 10 meals a day if you can waddle to the restaurant, or you can have room service (which means you can have breakfast in bed every day of the week). 

3. The ships have as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night. 

4. They have free toothpaste, razors, soap and shampoo. 

5. They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient.   An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you. 

6. You get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days. 

7. TV broken?  Light bulb need changing?   Need to have the mattress replaced?  No problem!   They will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience. 

8. You get clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't even have to ask for them.

9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare; if you fall and break a hip on the ship they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

Now hold on for the best!   Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or name where you want to go?   Several cruise lines will have a ship ready to go.   So don't look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship. 

P.S. And don't forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side at no charge." *

For sure, it would be better than this:

Child's Perspective on Retirement

A teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their vacation. One child wrote the following: 

"We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida and now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people.

They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on big tricycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed, because it is all right now.

They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool, too, but they all jump up and down in it with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim.

At their gate, there is a dollhouse with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. Then they go cruising in their golf carts.

My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same thing every night: Early Birds. Some of the people can't get past the man in the dollhouse to go out. So the ones who do get out bring food back to the wrecked center and call it potluck.


My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday, too. When I earn my retardment I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren."

Or they could do this:

A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. "These are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce," she explained.  She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?" A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours!"

She'd better do something:

Having lost weight over the past few years, a lady was discarding things from her wardrobe that no longer fit. Her seven-year-old niece was watching as she held up a huge pair of slacks.

"Wow," the lady said, "I must have worn these when I was 183."

Her niece looked puzzled, then asked, "How old are you now?"

* And when they do, they wish you "Bon voyage"!!

One thing I DO know about getting old: 


  1. I don't want to go to a nursing home, but I am unconvinced about cruises too. I get seasick. And don't like to be around lots of people.
    I may become a hermit instead.
    I laughed (and winced) all through this post though. Thank you.

    1. Becoming a hermit is a choice I hadn't thought of!!

  2. Gee, maybe I should stop looking for a nursing home for my mother and book her on a long cruise.

  3. My wife finally got me to take a cruise and it was not too bad, I was just afraid she was planning to jump ship.

    1. You can't lose Mrs. Cranky; it took too many tries to get a good one!!

  4. I remember these stories...and yet I read them again. ;) I still love the dinosaurs missing the ark. Have a great day, Fran!! :)

    1. Not everything I post is new; I like to read them again, too!!

  5. When you know you've reached the end of the line, hop on a ship named Titanic.


  6. The only thing keeping me from cruising into retirement are the recurrent rotaviruses on cruise ships. Of course I could look at the occasional bouts as a thorough cleanse and weight loss program.

  7. My favorite gambling aunt goes on a lot of cruises. They have slot machines on board, don't they?

    1. The ones I've been on have an entire casino!!

  8. You almost had me convinced a permanent cruise was a great idea, then I read EC's comment. Hermit sounds nice too, as long as I have TV and internet. Food delivery would be good too.

    1. Hermits never have to get out of their jammies!!

  9. I like it. Retirement (retardment) in 1 - 2 years, not looking forward to it


Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.