(Reworked from a May, 2013 post with new cartoons, as always.)
I think it would
be very boring to be a fish--especially in a goldfish bowl. I mean, even
if someone turns on the TV, there would only be a couple of shows you'd be
interested in watching--"Name That Tuna" & "Whale of
Fortune". If someone happened to leave the newspaper nearby, open to
the kelp wanted ads, how many jobs would they be qualified for? It takes
years of med school to become a sturgeon, so that's out. I guess
they could become a piano tuna or sell herring aids.
Below is a chart which should make it easy to recognize the mood of your
fish:
Then there are the fish who live in the ocean. I assume they can read
because they've been in schools all their life, but how many times can you pick
up "One Fish, Two Fish" or even "The Old Man and the Sea" &
stay interested? Do you think they ever get seasick? Can they tell
each other apart? Do they ever want to wear something kinky or have a fin
pierced, just for kicks? Don't they ever get tired of eating nothing but
seafood? We know they get depressed--Charlie Tuna has had a death wish
for years!
Did you
know that mudskippers & certain types of catfish can live on land for
extended periods of time? Do you suppose they have to wait an hour after
eating before they can go back in the water without getting cramps?
(Ed.
note) I'm not recommending this for you--except in extreme cases--but some
species of fish eat their young. Picture this: A female guppy gives
birth. Her husband is swimming nearby, watching & says, "Look, Martha,
it's a girl," slurp, "Yum!"
Some stupid easy stupid riddles:
Where do
you find a crab with no legs?
---Exactly where you left it.
What do
you get if you cross a whale with a computer?
---A four ton know it all.
What
should you do if you find a shark in your bed?
---Sleep somewhere else.
What do
you give a seasick whale?
---Lots of room!
What
about birds--do they ever get depressed? I don't think I would if I could
fly wherever I wanted & shit on anybody's head I felt like & get away
with it every time! Males have such beautiful plumage & yet they
fight for the right to mate with a mousy looking female. I guess it's the
same with humans, except for the plumage.
Did you
know I can do bird calls? Here's one that works for any species.
Say you see a particular bird & want to have him come closer to you.
Do not move--that will startle him. Simply open your mouth &
say, "Hey, bird!"
How's this for a great segue between
fish & fowl?
Birds have
better songs than fish:
I bought my son (Fishman) one of these years ago:
Here's a really smart bird:
The early bird
may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap----fishducky
