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Monday, January 18, 2016

HAIKUS FOR YOUSE





(An extensively reworked post from June, 2013 with all new cartoons, as always.)


A haiku is a poem consisting of three lines.  The first line has five syllables, the second, seven & the third, five again.  The poems do not rhyme.  They are generally meant to convey a feeling or an emotion.  Following are too many some examples, which were stolen borrowed taken from too many places for me to remember so that I can give credit to their authors, to whom I apologize.  These first ones are mine:

These are my haikus
I think they are quite clever
But I may be wrong

Autumn evening
A starling on a bare branch
Shits on my clean car

Too much to absorb
I‘ll use pen and paper
To write this all down

Stately treasure chest
Holds all that I ever loved
Refrigerator

If I shop online
My husband will never know
What a good idea

Baseball sometimes holds
Ten minutes of wild thrills in
A three hour game

Duck! Don’t shoot! Watch out!
Batteries not included
Words to dodge trouble 

If life gives lemons
Add tequila, ice and make
A margarita

Middle of the night
I cannot open my eyes
But I need to pee

I make many errors
When using a typewriter
Where is the Wite-Out?

Poor hungry husband
Let's go to Jack in the Box
I have burned the roast

Oh, horrible day
I want to watch the game but
The cable is out

Painful childbirth
Screams "Get this thing out of me"
Like nine months before

Should I marry him?
He is quite rich, sick and old
How long could he last?

Show me you love me
Kiss my neck, my face, my soul
You’re such a good dog

Elephants are fat
But no one will criticize
So they don't diet


Here are some more haikus, apparently written by computers:

Three things are certain
Death, taxes, and lost data
Guess which has occurred

Everything is gone
Your life's work has been destroyed
Squeeze trigger (yes/no)?

Windows Seven crashed
I am the Blue Screen of Death
No one hears your screams

A file that big?
It might have been useful
But now it is gone

Chaos reigns within
Reflect, repent, and reboot
Order shall return 

This site has been moved
We'd tell you where, but then we'd
Have to delete you

Abort this effort
Save and close all that you have
You ask way too much

First snow, then silence
This thousand dollar screen dies
So beautifully.

With searching comes loss
And the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found

The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner 

Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that 

Out of memory
We wish to hold the whole sky
But we never will

Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped

The ten thousand things
How long do any persist?
Netscape, too, has gone

Rather than a beep
Or a rude error message
These words: "File not found"

Error message
All shortcuts have disappeared
Screen. Mind. Both are blank

You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on
This page is not here

No keyboard present
Hit F1 to continue
Zen engineering?



And some Redneck haikus:

Beauty naked in repose
Silvery silhouette girls
Adorn my mudflaps

Damn, in that tube top
You almost make me forget
You are my sister

Remorse & painful sadness
Can't fit big screen TV through
Double wide trailer's door

Unemployment's out
Hey, maybe I can get on
Disability

Distant siren screams
Dumb ass Verne's been playing with
Gasoline again

Tonight we hunger
Gran sent grocery money
To Jimmy Swaggert

Wedding night fireworks
Flo's ex-husband still threatens
To bring back the kids 

Go to the dentist? 
Grandpa went once, and now look 
He has no teeth left

Set the VCR
Dukes of Hazzard marathon
At 9 o'clock

Seeking solitude
Bubba’s wife Tammy files for
Restraining order


Haikus may be written by children:























Or by medical students:




Or even animals:








And on any subject:




Had the perfect haiku
In mind.  Now it's forgotten.
Damn you, ADD!!----fishducky