(This was one of my very first posts. I wrote it in 2012.)
Following
is a list of children’s books that didn’t make it. If you have written one with the same theme,
I would suggest discarding it & going on to another book. (These first 25 are copied stolen
borrowed from That’s Comedy, issue #0153)
1. YOU ARE DIFFERENT & THAT’S BAD
2. THE BOY WHO DIED FROM EATING ALL HIS
VEGETABLES
3. DAD’S NEW WIFE ROBERT
4. FUN FOUR LETTER WORDS TO KNOW & SHARE
5. HAMMERS & POWER TOOLS (AN I-CAN-DO-IT-MYSELF
BOOK)
6. THE KIDS’ GUIDE TO HITCHHIKING
7. KATHY WAS SO BAD HER MOM STOPPED LOVING HER
8. CURIOUS GEORGE & THE HIGH VOLTAGE FENCE
9. ALL CATS GO TO HELL
10. THE LITTLE SISSY WHO SNITCHED
11. SOME KITTENS CAN FLY
12. THAT’S IT!
I’M PUTTING YOU UP FOR ADOPTION
13. GRANDPA GETS A CASKET
14. THE MAGIC WORLD INSIDE THE ABANDONED
REFRIGERATOR
15. GARFIELD GETS FELINE LEUKEMIA
16. THE POP-UP BOOK OF HUMAN ANATOMY
17. STRANGERS HAVE THE BEST CANDY
18. WHINING, KICKING & CRYING TO GET YOUR WAY
19. YOU WERE AN ACCIDENT
20. THINGS RICH KIDS HAVE, BUT YOU NEVER WILL
21. THE MAN IN THE MOON IS ACTUALLY SATAN
22. YOUR NIGHTMARES ARE REAL
23. PLACES WHERE MOMMY & DADDY HIDE NEAT
THINGS
24. EGGS, TOILET PAPER & YOUR SCHOOL
25. WHY CAN’T MR. FORK & MS. ELECTRICAL OUTLET
BE FRIENDS
After
extensive research, I have personally discovered these other titles while wandering
through my mind. They also fit in this
category:
1. MOMMY & DADDY ARE NOT REALLY TAKING A NAP
2. JUST RUBBING IT UNTIL YOU NEED GLASSES
3. RUNNING WITH SCISSORS & OTHER FUN GAMES
4. HOW TO SHAVE HEADS
5. HIDE MOMMY’S WALLET & KEYS
6. FARTING FOR FUN & PROFIT
7. NEUTERING YOUR DOG AT HOME
8. KICK-THE-SEAT & OTHER GAMES TO PLAY ON A
PLANE
9. WHY GRANDMA HAS A MOUSTACHE
10. THAT’S MY TOY—YOU CAN”T HAVE IT
11. PROJECTILE VOMITING CAN BE FUN
12. DECORATING YOUR WALLS WITH CRAYONS &
MARKING PENS
13. FUNNY FACES & NOISES TO MAKE IN CHURCH &
SCHOOL
14. WHAT TO DO IF YOUR FACE FREEZES LIKE THAT
15. IF JOHNNY JUMPS OFF A CLIFF, YOU SHOULD, TOO
16. HOW TO MICROWAVE YOUR PETS
17. WELCOMING DADDY HOME WHEN HE’S ON PAROLE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you have written any sort of book & hope to have it
published, keep in mind that not only the subject matter, but also the title is
very important. It is necessary to hire a good proofreader. These
books almost didn't make it because of a slip-up by the proofreader. See
if you can guess what the title was after correction:
Madame
Ovary
The
Sisterhood of the Traveling Ants
The
Princess Brie
The
Silence of the Labs
Lord
of the Lies
Below is a list of books
that became bestsellers only after the author completely changed the title:
What’s
the Worst That Could Happen? / Great Expectations--Dickens
Beverly Hills &
Compton / A Tale of Two Cities--Dickens (Dickens was apparently a slow
learner.)
Can
You Recommend a Good Lawyer? / Crime and Punishment—Dostoevsky
Huckleberry
Argentinian / Huckleberry Finn--Twain
The
Grapes of Welch’s / The Grapes of Wrath--Steinbeck
That’s
Just Sick!! / Interpretation of Dreams--Freud
Close
the Window, There’s a Draft / Gone With the Wind---Mitchell
Romeo
and Jailbait / Romeo and Juliet--Shakespeare
Some
Pretty Funny Stuff / The Divine Comedy--Dante
I’ll
Give Him Five More Minutes / Waiting for Godot--Becket
The
Worst Trip Ever / The Odyssey--Homer
Gatsby,
You Suck! / The Great Gatsby--Fitzgerald
Those
Zany Italians / The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire---Gibbon
Uncle
Tom’s Condo / Uncle Tom’s Cabin--Stowe
Boy,
Were They Pissed Off!! / Les Miserables--Hugo
Critique
of Pure Bullshit / Critique of Pure Reason--Kant
The
Big Fat Whale / Moby Dick—Melville
It may surprise you to learn that even the world’s all-time bestseller
once had this very same problem:
I
Brought My Son Into the Business / The Bible---God
(It might help sales if autographed copies were available)
The
right title could mean the difference between this:
And this:
I would advise against trying to sell them here:
I
just read “The History of Glue” in one sitting.
I couldn’t put it down----fishducky
