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Wednesday, July 13, 2016

I'M GROWING OLDER & I'M RUNNING OUT OF IDEAS

Before I start today's post, I'd like to say "THANK YOU" to those of you who contributed to the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation in honor of my sons!!  They had hoped to raise $50, 000 for the JDRF on their 100 mile bike ride Saturday, July 9th.  With your help, they raised over $93,000 ($93, 912 to be exact) & Matt was the #1 fundraiser!!

And now our regularly scheduled post:




I just don't know what to post today.  I guess I could tell you this poignant story about a man & an elephant:

In 1986, after graduating from Northwestern University, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.  The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.  He got down on one knee, inspected the elephant’s foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.  As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.  Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.  Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.
Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenage son.  As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.  The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, and then put it down.  The elephant did that several times, then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant.  Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure.  He walked right up to the elephant and stared at it in wonder.
The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
Probably wasn't the same elephant.

No, that wouldn’t work.

Maybe something lighter would do it.  I regularly spill food on myself when I eat.  My granddaughter, from about the age of 2, could eat soup without spilling a drop.  She probably got that from her mother.  My friend was president of a group that had yearly fundraising luncheons in the Beverly Wilshire Hotel’s (remember “Pretty Woman”?) grand ballroom for about 2,000 people.  She was more like me.  Messy.  Depending on what she was wearing on the dais, she topped it off with either a silver or gold lame bib.  I don’t think so, but is that what they mean by “pre-spotting” laundry?


That probably wouldn’t work, either.

OK, I’ll give it another shot.  I told my husband that I had picked up lunch at a Jack in the Box drive-thru window & that the guy confirming my order said, “One Yumbo Yack, right?”  Next time he & I went through the drive-thru window, Bud asked for two “Yumbo Yacks”—I hit him!


No, try again.

Would something scary work?  We live a few blocks from Century City.  The tops of the tall buildings are visible from our house.  Early one evening I was looking out our front windows when suddenly I saw a HUGE fireball erupt on top of one of those buildings!  I was just about to call 911 when I got distracted by an emergency with the kids.  About a half hour later there was another fireball.  I found out later that they were filming a scene for the Bruce Willis movie “Die Hard”.  They shoot a lot of movies around here but I’ve never been scared by a filming before.  They should have warned us—I bet 911 was swamped!


No.

Some jokes, then.

Farmer Jones goes to town to buy a duck. As he's heading home, he passes the local theater and notices that a film he really wanted to see is playing. Not wanting to miss the movie, Jones stuffs the duck in his pants and goes into the darkened theater. The duck has to breathe, so he unzips his fly.

He sits down next to two old ladies, Thelma and Maude. During the movie the duck gets restless and sticks his head out. Maude looks over, pokes Thelma and says, "Look at that!  I can't believe it!" Thelma replies, "C'mon, don't tell me you've never seen one of those before." Maude answers, "Yeah, but this one's eating my popcorn!"
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The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a duck waddled up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the duck's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really," said the duck, "Your name is written inside the cover."
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Three little ducks walk into a bar.  "Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.
"Huey," was the reply.
"How's your day been, Huey?"
"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey.
"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, "Hi,
and what's your name?"
"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.
"So how's your day been, Dewey! ?" he asked.
"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?"
The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?"
The little duck fluttered her eyelids and said "No, my name is Puddles"
tetraplegic.com 

Not those, either, right?  At least my memory's in better shape than this guy's--thanks, Susan!!:

This is something that happened at an assisted living center. The people who lived there have small apartments but they all eat in a central cafeteria. One morning one of the residents didn't show up for breakfast so my wife went upstairs and knocked on his door to see if everything was OK. She could hear him through the door and he said that he was running late and would be down shortly so she went back to the dining area.

An hour later he still hadn't arrived so she went back up towards his room and she found him on the stairs. He was coming down the stairs but was having a hell of time. He had a death grip on the hand rail and seemed to have trouble getting his legs to work right. 

She told him she was going to call an ambulance but he told her no, he wasn't in any pain and just wanted  to have his breakfast.  So she helped him the rest of the way down the stairs and he had his breakfast.

When he tried to return to his room he was completely unable to get up even the first step so they called an ambulance for him. A couple hours later she called the hospital to see how he was doing.  

The receptionist there said he was fine, he just had both of his legs in one leg of his boxer shorts.




How about a beautiful poem about growing older?   I hope this poem has the same effect on you as it did on me; then my forwarding it will be worth the effort.   Well worth the read.

Walk With Me While I Age





Crap-- I forgot the words!!













Sorry there was no post today.  I'll try again tomorrow----fishducky