FISHDUCKY’S GREETING CARDS, INC.

(A reworked post from 9/12/14)

Hallmark’s slogan is “When you care enough to send the very best”.  
Someecards uses “When you care enough to hit send’’.  
The slogan for my new greeting card company will be “Here!”

We offer cards for every occasion.  Here's a sample of our stock:

“Happy birthday!

Don’t be a flake.

Save me some of

That chocolate cake!”

“Here’s my wish for

You this Easter—

Don’t fall down and

Break your keester!”

“It’s Hanukkah!

Here’s your dreidleel toy.

Aren’t you glad

You’re not a Goy?”*

*Non-Jew

   

“You had a brand new baby,

And I suppose that’s fine.

But I would've gladly given

You any one of mine."

 

Congratulations

On your wedding.

That should keep

STD's from spreading."

or

                                        “Word’s out you’re getting married,

I wish you endless luck.

God knows you’ll really need it

If you say “Yes” to that schmuck.”

                                        

"It's about time

You divorced that cow.

Does that mean it’s OK

To hit on her now?”

                                                           

“Christmas is coming

With lots of good cheer.

I hope Santa

  Brings me beer!”

                                   

"So glad you're out of jail.

Did they grant you a parole,

Or did someone slip a file

Into your casserole?"

                                                            

                                                         "All this snoring

Is making me woozy.

Oh, how I wish

I had an Uzi!"

                                                           

“Thanks for having me

At your place—

Loved shoving dinner

Into my face!”

“Happy New YEAR!

Auld lang syne!

I need another

Glass of wine!”

                                   

"I'm so sorry 

You got fired.

Just pretend that 

You retired."

“Too bad you’re sick.

Just take your pill.

You’ll need it when you

Get the doctor’s bill!”

“You always said to

Eat, drink & live hearty.

We had a great time at

Your funeral party!”

We even offer cards for those "of a certain age"--here are three samples: 

“I know this

Birthday card is late.

So what?  You’re too old

To celebrate.”

“Too many candles can easily start

A blaze in your apartment—

A happy birthday warning from

Your local Fire Department.”

“Because you’ve had so many birthdays

And we all love you a heap,

We pooled our money and decided

To have you put to sleep.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here are some that Arcamax offered.  I like mine better:

You totaled your car

and can't remember why.

Could it have been
that whole case of Bud Dry? 

You are such a good friend
that if we were on a sinking ship

and there was only one life jacket

I'd miss you heaps and think of you often. 

When we were together,

you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise. 

Congratulations on your promotion. 
Before you go, 

take this knife out of my back.

You'll probably need it again. 

Happy Birthday! You look great for your age...

almost lifelike!

These cards are from the Advice From Nature series at yourtruenature.com.

They're blank inside:

Another competitor:

Does this look like the start of a fantastic new career or what?----fishducky