This was sent to me by Susan. Thank you, Susan!!:
I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager)
I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 70 years later.
I don’t have to go to school or work.
I get an allowance every month.
I have my own pad.
I don’t have a curfew.
I have a driver’s license and my own car.
I have ID that gets me into bars and the liquor store.
The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant.
And I don’t have acne.
Life is great!!
I have more friends that should read this, too, but right now I can't remember their names.
She also sent me this:
I didn't, of course; I'm just naturally gorgeous!!
At least I still look good:
Of course, I have to dress & do my makeup & hair:
My husband still loves me:
We're not too old for an exciting sex life:
Sometimes the kids pretend they're not home when I decide to drop in:
You have to be more careful as you age:
This is also from Susan:For some advice on ageing, click here.
An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: "Dr. Geezer's clinic. Get your treatment for $500, if not cured, I'll pay you $1,000."
Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.
Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?"
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."
Dr. Young: “Aaagh !! -- this is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500.”
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr. Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Dr. Young: "Oh, no you don't, -- that’s gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see anything!!"
Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so," Here's your $1000 back." (giving him a $10 bill)
Dr. Young: "But this is only $10!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your eyesight back! That will be $500."
Moral of story -- Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer"
Remember: Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place,so it doesn't take much to piss us off.
Yesterday morning, I went over to the local Bass Pro Shop to get a 9mm handgun for home/personal protection. When I was ready to pay for the pistol and some ammo, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."
Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos running amok, I did just as she had instructed.
When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card reader!!
As an intelligent senior citizen, I do not get flustered often. But this time, it took me a while to get my pants back on. I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.
They need to make their instructions to seniors a little more clear.
I still don't think I looked that bad...........Just need to wear underwear more often!!
------------------------------------------A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'?"
The rest of this is from an old post:
Although my husband claims some of my best memories never happened, I say what's the difference, as long as they're good memories? I'm pretty sure all of these did!! I made a list of some of the things that were interesting and/or fun in my life. I know I can’t remember everything, but what I do remember includes:
I’ve ridden on an elephant, a camel, horses & mules. I’ve been parasailing & in hot air balloons & the Goodyear blimp. I’ve flown in everything from a 4 seater to a private plane to a jumbo jet. I flew at zero gravity, like an astronaut. I’ve ridden in trucks, buses, jeeps, a Rolls Royce, limos & was a passenger in a VERY fast car on the Autobahn. I drove my own Mustang at 105 mph--once. I’ve been on sailboats, canoes, speedboats, catamarans, zodiac rafts, hydrofoils, pedal boats, paddlewheels, ferry boats & cruise ships, including the QEII. I’ve been on tricycles, bicycles & roller skates. I rode a tram car in a mine. I’ve ridden a Segway. I’ve been on roller coasters, bumper cars & Ferris wheels. I’ve ridden on a hay wagon, a sled in the snow & gone snorkeling. I’ve ridden trains (including monorails & funicular railways) & small & large helicopters. I’ve been on aerial tramways. I tried my hand at a flight simulator that real pilots use--& (virtually) crashed.
I've taken my kids & my nieces & nephews on many whale watching trips. I’ve petted & swam with dolphins (they feel like a wetsuit) & seen stalagmites & stalactites in caves. I’ve been to spring training with the San Francisco Giants. I’ve petted a bobcat & once slapped her in the face. I picked a man’s pocket (successfully) in a London restaurant to retrieve my dinner roll. I went to the Calgary Stampede. I’ve broken one leg, one arm & several toes. I’ve sent koi into a feeding frenzy. My family & I saw the fireworks on July 4th, 2000, while sitting on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. I’ve seen the inside of the White House & Congress, the Viet Nam Memorial wall, the Statue of Liberty, the Mona Lisa & the Venus de Milo. I’ve seen the foliage change in New England, the Liberty Bell (& touched it!), Plymouth Rock, the Eiffel Tower, the Berlin Wall, the Sistine Chapel, the palace of the King of Siam, Niagara Falls & a space shuttle landing. I toured the Civil War battlefield at Gettysburg. I've been to the Oscars. I wore real circus clown makeup in Florida. I once flew out of Los Angeles on a Friday to attend a party in London on Saturday & returned on Sunday. I’ve been to World's Fairs. I’ve stayed in fleabag motels & at the Waldorf Astoria. I was at the World Series in 1989 when the Loma Prieta earthquake hit & had a challenging time driving our rental car back through a very dark San Francisco to our borrowed house. I am an artist & work mostly with stained glass, although I’ve also worked in pen & ink, charcoals, pastels & oils. I’ve been to most US states, including Hawaii & Alaska. I’ve visited Canada & Mexico. I’ve also seen Ecuador, the Bahamas, the Cayman Islands, Costa Rica, the Virgin Islands, Jamaica, the Galapagos Islands, England, France, Spain, Germany (including East Berlin), Austria, Switzerland, Italy, Ireland, the Philippines, Singapore, Morocco, Thailand, Japan & China.
We owned a condo on Maui for several years. I’ve sewn many of my children’s clothes. I attended UCLA & worked as a salesgirl & a dental assistant. I’ve studied French, Spanish, Italian & Japanese. I have been married for 61 years & am the mother of three & the grandmother of four. I was in the delivery room when my first grandchild was born. I was a Brownie & Girl Scout leader, head Cub Scout den mother & a donor & volunteer on Red Cross blood drives. Lucille Ball held me in her arms in a movie scene when I was a month or so old. I’ve been on TV as a contestant on "Truth or Consequences" & I answered phones on a Cerebral Palsy telethon. At the tender age of 77, I started posting my own blog, “fishducky, finally” at fishducky.blogspot.com. A few years ago my first book, “Fishducky’s Fables”, was released. My body may be 81 years old, but in my mind I’m only about 36. I've had a great life & I'm not through yet!! Some people might say I’ve done everything & had everything. I say you can’t have everything! Where would you put it? And what is my point, you ask? My point is--if I can remember all this, why can’t I remember what I had for lunch yesterday?
Actually, I have a theory about senior's memory (or lack thereof). I've posted this before, but if it refers to you, you probably don't remember it:
If you subscribe to the theory, as I do, that the brain is like a computer, then you know that it has a finite number of memory bytes. As we age, gravity pulls these memories down, filling first our feet, then our legs, our bellies & butts (which would also explain why many older people seem to have gained weight in these areas) & finally reach our brains, which eventually become full. Since humans don’t have a DELETE key, there is simply no room for new memories. This is why we people “of a certain age” can remember who sat next to us in the third grade but have no idea of what we ate for lunch yesterday. We are NOT forgetful—WE ARE SIMPLY FULL!!
These are from my friend Jeanne:
My son Matt sent me this warning; perhaps you should read it, too!!
You don't get a body like mine overnight; it takes years of overeating, neglect & numerous damaging behaviors----fishducky