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Friday, November 18, 2016

SILLY SIMILES, ASININE ANALOGIES, MEANINGLESS METAPHORS & IDIOTIC IDIOMS





Most people, at one time in their lives, learned the difference between similes, 
analogies & metaphors but have since forgotten.  
Allow me to remind you:

In case you want more details:

Want even more details?:

While analogy and simile are both comparisons of two seemingly unrelated things, they are not the same. A simile is a figure of speech, while an analogy is a type of argument; a simile is also a type of metaphor, while an analogy is not. Generally, an analogy is more complex than a simile. Another key difference between the two is that similes in English use either "as" or "like" to make their comparison.

A simile is usually structured in one of two ways. The figure of speech can use the word "like" to compare two items. An example using "like" is, "Her hair shone like the sun." Hair and the sun usually are not considered the same, but the simile describes them as shining in a similar manner. An example of a simile using "as" is, "His teeth were as white as clouds." In that simile, the man's teeth are compared to the color of clouds.
Analogies are used to make a connection between two objects or ideas to better explain the first object. For example, a short type of analogy is, "Coffee is to caffeine as beer is to alcohol." Coffee and beer are both beverages, and caffeine and alcohol are the drugs they contain. In some instances, it may be difficult to determine the connection between the two items.

Another key difference between an analogy and simile is that a simile is a type of metaphor. A metaphor compares one thing to another by stating that the first thing is equal to the second. "Her hair is the sun," is a metaphor, while a simile simply states that her hair shines like the sun.
Analogy and simile also differ in that an analogy can be far more complex than a simile. A writer can craft an entire story as an analogy, while a simile is simply the language the author uses when crafting a story or other piece of writing. An analogy can be more difficult to discern than a simile, as it doesn't have the required "like" or "as."
Analogy and simile further differ in that an analogy can be used to convince someone of something. A person can compare two items when making an argument to prove his point. In some cases, the connection between the two items can be very thin, resulting in a weak analogy. For example, a person may attempt to argue that eating ice cream is the same as drinking milk, as both are dairy products. The analogy ignores the fact that ice cream is higher in fat and contains more sugar than milk.
(wisegeek.com)


Which brings up the question, so what?  You came here to laugh, right?  Following is a list of funny metaphors, analogies & similes.  They are a compilation of 31 offers from mikekerr.com, theattractionforums.com, & writinenglish.wordpress.com.  The majority were written by high school students. I don't know if they were meant to be funny--but they are!!
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.
26. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

27. He was more useless than a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest.

28. He was as honest as a man who says he likes Hooter's for the food.

29. The lock was harder to pick than a broken nose.

30. He looked like ten pounds of shit in a five pound bag.
31. She was as dumb as a plant, so she had to be watered twice a week.

Here come lots of idioms, with a few similes & metaphors thrown in:




















 


I have to go & make myself a sandwich--I'm so hungry I could eat a horse----fishducky