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Tuesday, November 29, 2016

KEEPING ABREAST OF THE TIMES


What size cup are you?

Fun fact:
According to Greek legend there was a famous prostitute
who managed to avoid a death sentence by showing the judges her boobs
& arguing that it would be a crime against the gods
to destroy something so beautiful.
Before you ask, yes, there are paintings of this & yes, they're amazing!!

I hate it when your boob starts falling out of your bra like 
"Excuse me, ma'am, please return to your assigned seat."


Blame jokes4us.com for these:

Women With Big Breasts

...can get a taxi on the worst days
...have a neat place to carry spare change
...make jogging a spectator sport 
...can keep a magazine dry while soaking in the tub
...usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie
...know where to look first for lost earrings
...have a place to set their glasses when sitting in an armless recliner 

Women With Small Breasts

...don't cause a traffic accident every time they bend over in public
...find that dribbled food makes it to the napkin on their lap 
...can always see their toes and shoes 
...have no trouble sliding behind the wheel of small cars 
...know that people can read the entire message on their t-shirts
...can come late to a theater and not disrupt an entire aisle 
...can take an aerobic class without running the risk of knocking themselves out 

These are the fault of courtesy of laffgaff.com:


A flat chested young woman goes out looking for a new bra one day. She tries shop after shop trying to find a size 28A yet she can’t get one anywhere.

Finally, in desperation, she tries her fortunes in a little unmentionables shop run by an woman who’s hard of hearing.
“Have you got anything in size 28A?” asks the young woman.
“What was that, dear?” says the old woman.
The young woman repeats herself again.
Still the old woman can’t hear her, so the young woman lifts up her T-shirt baring her breasts and says, “Have you got anything for these?”
The old woman peers at the woman’s boobs and says, “No, dear. Have you tried Clearasil?”
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 What do you call the space in between a pair of fake breasts?
Silicon Valley.
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What do you call a nanny with a breast implants?
A faux pair.
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Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Boobs don’t have eyes.
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A woman was walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A cop was approaching from about a block away, thinking to himself, “Boy, my eyes must be going. It looks like that woman is hanging out of her blouse.” But, as he got closer, it became apparent that she really was hanging out of her blouse.

When the officer got face to face with the woman, he said, “Miss, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?”
“Why, officer?” the woman asked.
“Well,” said the officer, “Your right breast is hanging out of your blouse.”
The woman quickly looked down and screamed, “Oh my God! I left my baby on the bus!”
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What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn’t?
Her navel.
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A guy bets a full figured blonde a dollar that he can make her boobs move without touching them.

Since this doesn’t seem possible, the girl is intrigued and accepts the bet.
So the guy steps up, cups his hands around her breasts and jiggles them up and down.
With a baffled look, the girl says, “Hey, you touched my boobs.”
The guy replies, “Yeah, I owe you a dollar.”
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 Why did the blonde have square boobs?
She forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
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A tech company is developing computer chips that store music in women’s breast implants.
A company spokesperson declared this is a major breakthrough, as women are always complaining about men staring at their boobs without listening to them.
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Why is a push up bra like a bag of chips?
You open it and it’s half empty.
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My wife was getting ready to go out last night when I said, “You can’t wear that, I can see your boobs under it.”

“So you can,” she said. “Do I need to wear a bra?”
I said, “Yeah, either that or a longer dress.”
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 I once dated a girl with one boob bigger than the other.
She entered a wet T-shirt competition and came first and third.
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Things just haven’t been the same between me and my girlfriend since the breast reduction.
I thought they were big, bouncy and sexy.

She thought I looked like a woman.























Why do they call the test for cancer a mammogram?  Every time I hear it, I feel like should put my breast in an envelope and send it to somebody----fishducky