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Thursday, December 8, 2016

THINGS THAT NOBODY EVER SAID TO ME



I've had many things said to me over the years, but I don't recall ever hearing these:


Mugger (while giving back purse)/How do you find anything in here?

Doctor/Keep smoking—it’s good for you.

Mammogram tech/This won’t hurt at all.  It’s designed by a woman.

Traffic cop/No, I didn’t see you blow that stop sign.  I just pulled you over because you were so pretty.

Contractor/I finished all my remodeling jobs on or before their due date.

Art dealer/I want to buy every single one of your paintings.

Waiter/As a matter of fact, I did spit into your food.  Why do you ask?

Car salesman/As you know, I’m sworn to tell the truth.

Exterminator/I’m afraid of bugs.

Passport photographer/Everybody loves my work.

House painter/I just knew you’d love all your walls in red.

Tailor/Are you sure you want these seams let out instead of taken in?

Dance partner/Please don’t apologize.  I love it when you step on my feet.

Lobster/I don’t mind baths—the hotter the better.

My kids/Mommy, would you like some peace & quiet?

Golf instructor/You have the perfect swing.

Tiger/Of course you can pet me.  I promise I won’t bite.

Mechanic/The final bill on your car repairs came to $137.80 less than the estimate.

Opposition’s attorney/I’m sorry, Your Honor, my client must have lied.

God/You are perfection incarnate.


Two things I thought I'd never hear, but I did:

1. A Bank of America manager to a teller about us/Give them anything they want

We had a great relationship with our local B of A manager.  We were out of the area & stopped in another branch to cash a large check.  We did not have the proper identification.  Bud told them to call our manager & said that he would tell them to give us anything we want.  We could see the manager making the phone call & start to laugh.  He said our manager said to give us anything we want--so he did!!

2. My doctor/don’t lose any more weight

I've always had a problem with my weight but I lost pounds rapidly on the liquid protein diet.  I wanted to lose a couple more pounds so my actual weight would match the weight on my driver’s license.

















My husband/Marrying you was the smartest thing I’ve ever done----fishducky