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Thursday, December 28, 2017

DON'T LET WORRY KILL YOU OFF--LET THE CHURCH HELP



I am Jewish & do not attend a church, although some of these notices tempt me to join one. These are actual church notices, sent out to their congregations.  I can only assume the typists were having an off day.



● The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. 

● The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.' 

● Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. 

● The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict. 

● Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. 

● For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. 

● Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. 

● The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.' 

● Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. 

● A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. 

● At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice. 

● Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. 

● Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. 

● The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. 

● Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 p.m. - prayer and medication to follow. 

● The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. 

● This evening at 7 p.m. there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. 

● Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 a.m. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done. 

● The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. 

● Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door. 

● The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. 

● Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. 

● Join us tonight for prayers, coffee and fresh beagles. 

● Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary. 

● This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends. 

● Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed accompanied by the pastor." 

● This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar. 

● The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her. 

● Ushers will eat latecomers. 

● The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in. 

● The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 p.m. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel. 

● Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience." 

● The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours." 

● Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. 














Bless me, Father, for I have sneezed----fishducky

 



Wednesday, December 27, 2017

THIS POST MAY BE A TRIFLE IRREVERENT




Agnostic
by Yip Harburg

No matter how much I probe & prod,
I cannot quite believe in God;
But, oh, I hope to God that He
Unswervingly believes in me.

I (&, I presume, you) have had a lot of religion crammed down our throats over Christmas.  If you are a believer, you probably don't mind.  If you, on the other hand, are an agnostic like me you have to let some of it out before you are smothered in it.  I apologize in advance to all of you who do believe but if there is a God, He must have a sense of humor; after all, didn't He create mankind?  If I were religious I would be Jewish.  The poem above is my mantra over the holidays.


These first few came from my blogging buddy, Shirley:/

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These are ones that I found:


























Assuming there is a God, I hope He blesses you!!  

Forgive me, Father, for I have posted this----fishducky

 




Tuesday, December 26, 2017

A PAEAN TO CARL SAGAN


Image via Dab’s Magazine
It was Carl Sagan who said,
 “We’re made of star stuff. We are a way for the cosmos to know itself.” 



The following was posted by ZenPencil.com on November 9th of this year, on the 83rd anniversary of Carl Sagan's birth.  He passed away in 1996.  I have two apologies to make.  The first is that I did not post this earlier, but I had misplaced it.  The second is that I know it runs over some other stuff on the right side of the page but I was unable to adjust  the size.  Regardless, it is well worth looking at & taking what you can from it.

If you have some tissues handy, you might first want to read this from his wife, Ann Druyan:


"When my husband died, because he was so famous and known for not being a believer, many people would come up to me — it still sometimes happens — and ask me if Carl changed at the end and converted to a belief in an afterlife. They also frequently ask me if I think I will see him again.

Carl faced his death with unflagging courage and never sought refuge in illusions. The tragedy was that we knew we would never see each other again. I don’t ever expect to be reunited with Carl. But, the great thing is that when we were together, for nearly twenty years, we lived with a vivid appreciation of how brief and precious life is. We never trivialized the meaning of death by pretending it was anything other than a final parting.

Every single moment that we were alive and we were together was miraculous-not miraculous in the sense of inexplicable or supernatural. We knew we were beneficiaries of chance. . . . That pure chance could be so generous and so kind. . . . That we could find each other, as Carl wrote so beautifully in Cosmos, you know, in the vastness of space and the immensity of time. . . . That we could be together for twenty years. That is something which sustains me and it’s much more meaningful. . . .

The way he treated me and the way I treated him, the way we took care of each other and our family, while he lived. That is so much more important than the idea I will see him someday. I don’t think I’ll ever see Carl again. But I saw him. We saw each other. We found each other in the cosmos, and that was wonderful.”