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Friday, December 29, 2017

WE’LL MEET YOU AT THE AIRPORT






(I posted this the last four New Year's--I'm making it my standard New Year's post, but all the cartoons are new!!)


Want to come with us on the trip of a lifetime?  You have New Year's Day off, don’t you?  Pack your (virtual) bags & join us on our travels through the Orient.  We took this trip in 1980.  We went with our friends, Joe & Helen.  Joe, like Joe E. Lewis, had been rich & he had been poor. (As Joe E. Lewis said, “Rich is better!”)  When our Joe was rich he traveled strictly first class, so on this trip, we did, too!!

The trip started with a JAL (Japanese Air Lines) flight from Los Angeles to Tokyo.  Maybe.  My husband claims it was Singapore Air Lines.  I can’t remember, but he’s usually right.  It was an overnight flight, so after a wonderful dinner—a roast carved right in front of you—we watched a movie & then were shown to our bedrooms.  YES, I said bedrooms!  It was the only time we ever had real beds & not reclining seats on a plane.  

At the hotel, we opted to take Japanese style rooms.  We slept on futons on the floor.  I had a marvelous night’s sleep & woke up refreshed & raring to go.  I swung my legs over the side of the bed (forgetting I was on a futon), put my feet on the floor & found my knees right next to my head!!  We took a cab tour/shopping trip through the city.  The cherry blossoms were in bloom.  Beautiful!!  I don’t know if they still do it, but the cabs drove with their lights on.  When they were stopped at a red light they turned them off.


           
From Tokyo we flew to Singapore, where we stayed at a suite at the Holiday Inn.  Not first class, you say?  WRONG!  This suite came with a personal butler.  How lovely it was to spend the day shopping (Helen & I took a local bus.  We figured it would be fun even if we got lost, which we didn’t.) & then come back to our suite, take off our shoes & have the butler take our packages & pour us a glass of wine.  

Joe & Bud stayed in the room one day playing gin rummy while we shopped.  There were prostitutes available & Joe wanted to hire a couple of them.  Not for sex—he thought it would be funny to have them sitting there naked, watching our two guys playing cards, when we got back.  Good thing he didn’t—I’m not sure how funny Helen or I would have thought it was.  

Below is a picture of apartments flying the “Singapore National Flag”.  That’s right—it’s laundry drying!  Look at how spotless the streets are.  Also, here’s a picture of a small shrine on a street in Singapore.

                  



                                                       












We took the ferry to Hong Kong.  I think it cost less than 25 cents per person, American money.  Hong Kong was a shopper’s paradise.  In one of the MANY jewelry stores, I fell in love with a delicate gold & jade bracelet.  I can’t remember what they were asking for it, but it was probably around $1,000—way out of our price range.  They expected you to bargain in these stores, but I am not a bargainer.  Bud is.  After lengthy negotiations, he told them he would pay no more than $400.  They countered with $410.  He told them $400 was his final offer.  They asked if he was going to let a mere $10 keep his wife from having this bracelet that she so obviously loved.  He said “Yes” & we walked out of the store.  They cane running after us.  Bud won—or I guess I did—I got my $400 bracelet!   

At that time, Hong Kong had a couple of department stores run by the communist government.  Their prices were unbelievable.  There was no bargaining, nor was any necessary.  Bud got a few silk neckties & I bought a pair of 100% silk slacks & 2 embroidered “pictures”—all for around $1 each!  

'We also took a bus tour of part of China—a difficult thing to do at the time because of politics.  I remember visiting a kindergarten (the children were adorable) & being served warm beer.  Below is a picture of busy Hong Kong harbor.


Our next stop was Manila, where we stayed in the Douglas MacArthur suite of our hotel.  I’m not used to the life of a plantation slave owner, so I was uncomfortable with the fact that we had a houseboy who slept on the kitchen floor.  Manila seemed to have only the very rich or the very poor—no middle class.  If you were poor, you lived on the street (literally) & begged.  If you were rich, your world was filled with beautiful places that Ferdinand & Imelda Marcos had built.  We found it depressing.

From there we went to Thailand.  There were many signs in the airport warning travelers to watch out for pickpockets & con men.  (We got a call at the hotel from a man who identified himself as our driver & told us our car was ready.  That would have been fine, except we hadn’t yet ordered a car!!) 

We had dinner in the penthouse restaurant of our hotel.  The maĆ®tre d’ seated us & handed each of us a menu.  He returned in a couple of minutes & very apologetically took my menu & Helen’s & gave us new ones.  We couldn’t understand why until Joe explained it.  We had originally been given “host” menus—with prices—instead of “guest” menus—with no prices.  Neither Helen nor I had noticed there were prices on ours!!  

Thailand was fascinating.  We saw Buddhist monks with their shaved heads & colorful robes.  We saw the palace of the king of Siam.  It was being renovated & was covered in scaffolding & it was still the most beautiful building I’d ever seen.  The outer walls were covered by thousands of tiny mosaics.  We rode a bus (motorboat) down one of the many canals & went to an elephant market.  Below are pictures of Bud, me & Helen in front of the palace & Joe looking at a baby elephant being offered for sale at the market.



To see weird New Year's Eve traditions
from around the world, click here.


A reminder from Fozzie Bear not to over-imbibe on New Year's Eve:



Look what happens when you put noisemakers in the exhaust:

To see some suggestions for resolutions, click here.














Happy new year!!----fishducky

 










Thursday, December 28, 2017

DON'T LET WORRY KILL YOU OFF--LET THE CHURCH HELP



I am Jewish & do not attend a church, although some of these notices tempt me to join one. These are actual church notices, sent out to their congregations.  I can only assume the typists were having an off day.



● The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. 

● The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.' 

● Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. 

● The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict. 

● Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. 

● For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. 

● Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. 

● The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.' 

● Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. 

● A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. 

● At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice. 

● Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. 

● Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. 

● The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. 

● Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 p.m. - prayer and medication to follow. 

● The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. 

● This evening at 7 p.m. there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. 

● Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 a.m. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done. 

● The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. 

● Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door. 

● The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. 

● Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. 

● Join us tonight for prayers, coffee and fresh beagles. 

● Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary. 

● This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends. 

● Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed accompanied by the pastor." 

● This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar. 

● The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her. 

● Ushers will eat latecomers. 

● The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in. 

● The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 p.m. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel. 

● Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience." 

● The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours." 

● Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. 














Bless me, Father, for I have sneezed----fishducky

 



Wednesday, December 27, 2017

THIS POST MAY BE A TRIFLE IRREVERENT




Agnostic
by Yip Harburg

No matter how much I probe & prod,
I cannot quite believe in God;
But, oh, I hope to God that He
Unswervingly believes in me.

I (&, I presume, you) have had a lot of religion crammed down our throats over Christmas.  If you are a believer, you probably don't mind.  If you, on the other hand, are an agnostic like me you have to let some of it out before you are smothered in it.  I apologize in advance to all of you who do believe but if there is a God, He must have a sense of humor; after all, didn't He create mankind?  If I were religious I would be Jewish.  The poem above is my mantra over the holidays.


These first few came from my blogging buddy, Shirley:/

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These are ones that I found:


























Assuming there is a God, I hope He blesses you!!  

Forgive me, Father, for I have posted this----fishducky