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Monday, January 16, 2017

DATING RULES BY CULTURE or SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE



(Reworked from a 7/6/15 post.)


                                                     ANGLO/SAXON WOMEN:
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.

Second date: You get to grope all over and make out a bit.

Third date: You get to have sex but only when she wants
to and only in the missionary position.
 IRISH WOMEN:
First date: You both get blind drunk & have wild sex.

Second date: You both get blind drunk & have wild sex.

Twentieth anniversary: You both get blind drunk & have wild sex.



 INDIAN WOMEN:
First date: Meet her parents

Second date: Set the date of the wedding.

Third date: Wedding night.


AFRO-AMERICAN WOMEN:
First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.

Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.

Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone else.


MEXICAN WOMEN:
First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on tequila 
& have sex in the back of her car.

Second Date: She's pregnant.
Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her sister's boyfriend & his three kids move in & you live on rice & beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Tijuana strip.

JEWISH WOMEN:
First Date: You spend all your money to impress her.

Second Date: You take a loan to keep the image.
Third Date: You're broke, she finds someone wealthier.
ARAB WOMEN:
First Date: Mother, father, brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, 
uncles, friends & entire Arab community finds out.

Second Date: You are shot dead in the street 
& your balls are fed to the goats.

No third date!!








The point?



DON'T YOU JUST LOVE IRISH WOMEN?

BET YOU GO BACK AND LOOK!!





This was sent by Susan at I Think, Therefore I Yam--thank you, Susan!!






A US Navy cruiser was anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave. The first evening, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner:

 
"Dear Captain, 

Thursday will be my daughter's Debutante Ball. I would like you to send four well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers in their formal dress uniforms to attend the dance. They should arrive promptly at 8:00 PM prepared for an evening of polite Southern conversation. They should be excellent dancers, as they will be the escorts of lovely refined young ladies. One last point: No Jews please."

Sending a written message by his own yeoman, the captain replied: "Madam, thank you for your invitation. In order to present the widest possible knowledge base for polite conversation, I am sending four of my best & most prized officers. One is a lieutenant commander & a graduate of Annapolis with an additional Master’s degree from MIT in fluid technologies &ship design. The second is a Lieutenant, one of our helicopter pilots, & a graduate of Northwestern University in Chicago, with a BS in Aeronautical Engineering. His Master’s degree & PhD. in Aeronautical & Mechanical Engineering are from Texas Tech University &he is also an astronaut candidate. The third officer is also a lieutenant, with degrees in both computer systems & information technology from SMU & he is awaiting notification on his doctoral dissertation from Cal Tech. Finally, the fourth officer, also a lieutenant commander, is our ship's doctor, with an undergraduate degree from the University of Georgia & his medical degree is from the University of North Carolina. We are very proud of him, as he is also a senior fellow in Trauma Surgery at Bethesda.”

Upon receiving this letter, Melinda's mother was quite excited & looked forward to Thursday with pleasure. Her daughter would be escorted by four handsome naval officers without peer (& the other women in her social circle would be insanely jealous).

At precisely 8:00 PM on Thursday, Melinda's mother heard a polite rap at the door which she opened to find, in full dress uniform, four very handsome, smiling Afro-American officers. Her mouth fell open, but pulling herself together, she stammered, "There must be some mistake."


"No, Ma'am," said the first officer.  “Captain Goldberg never makes mistakes."

Why can't we all be like this?
Click here.



















We don't make fun of the blind enough; I think it's because they wouldn't be able to see the humor in it----fishducky

 


24 comments:

  1. The guy with integrity is definitely in the minority in too many professions. Particularly politics.
    Yay Calvin. Unashamedly not politically correct.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Calvin doesn't care about being PC!!

      Delete
  2. If the wild sex with Irish women was true, Irish men wouldn't drink so much. I ain't even Irish and one drove me to drink.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My experience with the Irish is that both sexes drink a lot!!

      Delete
  3. Very funny you do cheer me up.
    Merle........

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ha! Love the dogs in a "stray bar."

    ReplyDelete
  5. I especially loved the first part of this post about the differences in dating women from different backgrounds. Not exactly "PC", but TOTALLY hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Like Calvin, I don't care much about PC!!

      Delete
  6. I adored Capt. Goldberg. Priceless.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm not sure I'm allowed to laugh at those dating jokes.

    I might laugh, though. Later, when I'm sure no one is looking.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't you have a closet you can hide in?

      Delete
  8. If SJWs keep demanding PC at every turn, then PDQ there won't be any jokes left to tell!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AB, C D goldfish?
      L, M N O goldfish.
      O S A R, S A R!!
      C M P N?

      Delete
  9. So... I'm genetically predominately German, Irish, and French Canadian. Not sure what that means... except maybe trouble for my husband. :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Oh my, I'd go for the Irish woman. I'd say the Irish man, but I need to see his photo first. The Irish woman is clearly hot. Smiles.
    This was hysterical.
    Thanks to you and Susan.
    Cyber hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  11. You're right, there's things there with the potential to offend at least one person.
    "When it comes to money I'm non-denominational", that's true of about 99.9% of the population.
    I like "why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart". And everything else, this whole post is funny.

    ReplyDelete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.