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Wednesday, January 25, 2017

IF MEN GOT PREGNANT


(Reworked from an August, 2014 post.)


Maternity leave would last two years....with full pay. 

There would be a cure for stretch marks. 

Natural childbirth would become obsolete. 

Morning sickness would rank as the nation's #1 health problem. 

All methods of birth control would be 100% effective. 

Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.

They'd stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.  

Men would be eager to talk about commitment. 

They wouldn't think triplets were so cute. 

Sons would have to be home from dates by 10:00 PM. 

Briefcases would be used as diaper bags. 

Paternity suits would be a fashion line of clothes. 

Restaurants would include ice cream and pickles as main entrees. 

Women would rule the world.
arcamax.com
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 THIS is interesting!!
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A guy calls the hospital & yells, "You've gotta send help!!  My wife's in labor!!"  The nurse says, "Calm down, sir.  Is this her first child?"  He says, "No, you idiot--this is her husband!!" 
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Did you hear the one about the woman writer who went into labor and began to yell, "Couldn't! Wouldn't! Shouldn't! Didn't! Can't!"? She was having contractions.
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Pregnancy Questions & Answers:

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.
http://community.babycenter.com/






And some pregnant women cartoons:
















Somewhere in this world a woman gives birth to a child every minute.  We have to find this woman & stop her!!----fishducky

 

16 comments:

  1. A big thank you to all of you mothers. I am pretty certain I wouldn't have been strong enough. Physically, mentally, emotionally or financially.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've had three & look at the shape I'm in--round IS a shape!!

      Delete
  2. fishducky, you crack me up. Should I have a baby after 35? No, 35 children is enough.
    @EC, I wasn't strong enough financially, but we managed. If people waited until they could afford children, no one would ever have any.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Children often aren't the best financial move!!

      Delete
  3. Ive always said "If men could have children, Theyd only have one."
    Lisa

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can you imagine a man pregnant with quints?

      Delete
  4. I could think about a few other things that would be available if men got pregnant. And your Swedish is perfect! Wow, you are such a fast learner.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I learned quickly how to use the automatic translator!!

      Delete
  5. Men should stay out of the room when their wife is giving birth. I was there for my four children...Afterwards whenever my wife looked at me all she could think of was how useless and helpless I was. Whatever help I offered got me cursed at. Men should be in a bar and getting drunk as part of the birthing process.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bill Cosby said that his wife yelled "Get this thing out of me!! And she said the same thing nine months earlier!!

      Delete
  6. I once met a man who was one of twenty-two children. Most of them were twins. I had doubts about the veracity of his claim, but I looked it up. His family was on a list of those with the most number of twins.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. His mother gets the Golden Ouch Award!!

      Delete
  7. Ahh thank you for the many giggles. I needed this. Especially liked the hospital keeping them till toilet trained.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nameless once tried peeing standing up, which obviously didn't work. She couldn't understand why, when it worked perfectlty for Daddy!!

      Delete
  8. Ha! That last one really made me chuckle.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What's in your wallet (I mean stomach)!!

      Delete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.