I'm going to take a few days off.
This week's posts will be reworked reruns of what I think were some of my funniest posts from 2012, 2013 & 2014.
Enjoy while I get a little rest!!
(Reworked from an October, 2013 post.)
Stop that, Bud! People are watching!
What I was going to say is that even though we're old there are some things we'll never forget. At least I won't because my mind is like a steel trap, or a sieve, or something like that. Whatever. Here are some of my best memories:
One of our granddaughters, Nameless III, has always loved fruit. When she was little, she would ask her mother for a "norange". That was apparently the way she heard it. When she was just under 2 years old, her mother & father brought her & her older sister to our beach condo. While Bud, Nameless, her older daughter, Nameless II, & I went for a swim she laid down on one of our twin beds for a nap. Her daddy laid down on the other bed. He woke up about a half hour later in a panic--Nameless III was gone! He thought she might have fallen down the stairs or was wandering around alone outside. Imagine his relief when he found her sitting peacefully at our breakfast table, happily devouring strawberries from a just-purchased flat that we had left on the table. By the time he had found her, of course, she & the table & the chair she was sitting on were all bright red!!
Her sister was born near the beginning of July, so she was almost 1 1/2 years old when she came to our house for Christmas. There were a bazillion or two gifts under the tree. (My family used to claim that if I gave someone a deck of cards I would wrap each one individually. Probably a slight exaggeration.) Anyway, she took one look at the tree & the gifts & her eyes grew huge. She drew in a deep breath & said in a baby voice, "So many pwesents--all fo' me!!"
Matt was out here from Connecticut, staying with his brother Blake, when the 9/11 terrorist attack occurred. As you'll remember, all planes were grounded after that for a week or so. Matt's 6 year old daughter, Lisa, missed her daddy. Her mom tried to explain to her why he couldn't get a plane home for a while. Lisa asked her mom, "Why can't he walk?"
When Lisa's brother, Brian, was between 1-1/2 & 3 he used to strip naked & run into the room where she was with her friends. He just wanted hugs & kisses. He's now 19 & his girlfriend won't let him do that anymore.
AND THEIR PARENTS:
1. She talked very early, but not always too clearly. One thing she loved & requested often for lunch was chicken noodle soup, only she called it "Hickey noo noo hoop".
2. You can see Century City from our front window. When she was about 2, she was looking out the window one evening waiting for her daddy to come home. The hotel must have just installed those yellow bug lights on their balconies because she called me & said, in an awe-filled voice, "Mommy, the hotel turned to gold!"
3. When she was in the 2nd or 3rd grade, Bud & I took a vacation & my folks moved into our house to care for our kids. She was walking home from from school (it was normal for kids to do that then) & was very late. My folks were worried. When she finally got home, my dad asked her why she was so late. She was logical even at that age; she said, "I took a long cut!"
4. She once asked what a homosexual was. We weren’t sure how to explain this to an eight year old. We told her that while most men love women, there were some men who loved other men. We said this was the way God made them & it was fine. We asked her if she understood & she said, “Yeah—you mean like a lesbian, only a man!”
1. He hated to take showers when he was young. He would often turn on the shower & sit in the bathroom for a while & then come out bone dry & just as dirty as when he went in. Once, I made sure he actually got in the shower, which must have made him angry, because when I went into the bathroom to straighten up I found he had written the “F” word on the steamed up mirror. He tried to, anyway. He had put an “e” on the end. FUCKE. It looked like Shakespeare was swearing. My problem, as a loving & helpful mother, was to decide which was more important—telling him not to use that kind of language or correcting his spelling?
2. A friend of ours had an operation to have part of his colon removed. We were discussing this at the dinner table & Matt asked us, "If he had part of his colon removed, does that mean that now he only has a semicolon?"
1. I was exhausted from having 3 children under the age of 6 to care for, so my sweet husband hired an au pair. On her first night, she cleared the dinner dishes & brought in small bowls filled with water & a couple of slices of lemon. Never having seen finger bowls before, he started crying. I asked him what the matter was & he whined, "I don't want soup!"
2. We got emergency calls twice from his elementary school. Once he fell UP the stairs & the other time he tried to hit another kid in the stomach, missed & hit him in the belt buckle. He broke his knuckle!
3. My husband may have shown me too much affection in front of the kids. Blake was very young & he was standing next to me at the kitchen sink while I was making dinner. He pointed to my leg & asked, "Is dat yours?" I told him yes. He then pointed to my arm & asked, "Is dat yours?" Again, yes. Next, he pointed to my breast & asked, "Is dat Daddy's?"
AND THEIR PARENTS (US):
When Bud & I were dating, his father, Phil, was the West Coast Studio Representative for the Musicians' Union. As such, he had a pass to the Hollywood Palladium, a VERY fancy dance pavilion. (See what Wikipedia has to say about it HERE.) We used to go really often on his pass to dance to the big bands. So often, in fact, that when Bud's dad once tried to use his own pass to get in he was told that his signature didn't match!
Having an in with musicians worked out very well for us. Si Zentner & Manny Klein & several others comprised our wedding orchestra. They each had their own orchestra but played together at our wedding. If these names aren't familiar to you, may I present samples of their work:
Just think--in a few million years, Barney will be motor oil----fishducky