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Friday, March 31, 2017

WHY DO MEN GET GRUMPIER WHEN THEY GET OLDER?

            Sure, men & women both age, but for some reason women seem to stay happier.  More of them look like this:


than this:

It seems to me (of course, I’m a woman) that old men get more like this:





They probably all have the same blood type--B negative.
They’ve even made some movies about it:


These guys (below) should have an optirectomy.
That’s a surgery that severs the cord connecting the optic nerve to the rectum.
Hopefully, that will put a stop to them having such a shitty outlook on life!




My son found this for me.  My elementary school principal used to show it at assemblies in the 40's:


We women understand this, because it happens to us, too:



At least we TRY to do better:



How about a joke stolen from fresh off the internet?


While out for an afternoon drive, an elderly couple stop at a coffee shop for lunch.  Back on the road afterwards, the woman realizes she’s left her glasses there & asks her husband to go back.  By then they’ve traveled quite a distance & have to go even further before they can find a place to turn around.  The old man moans & complains all the way back.  He calls his wife every name he can think of.  When they finally get back to the coffee shop & she gets out to get her glasses, he yells at her, “And while you’re there, stupid, you might as well get my wallet, too!”


Watch this instructional video (maybe the beer helped):



Remember, life is as funny as things get----fishducky









Thursday, March 30, 2017

YOU PROBABLY KNEW THIS STUFF ALREADY

He probably does.




Homer may not, but i have to assume you already knew most of this: 







1. This item’s assurance that it was not touched by the hands of Martians.

2. This warning for anyone with a throat.

This warning for anyone with a throat.
Or mouth.

3. This brilliant analysis of the Swedish legal system.

This brilliant analysis of the Swedish legal system.

4. This extremely helpful weather and traffic report.

This extremely helpful weather and traffic report.
WAFF-TV / Via uglysauros.tumblr.com

5. This clarification of the differences between species.

This clarification of the differences between species.

6. John’s easy, do-it-yourself weather forecast.

John's easy, do-it-yourself weather forecast.
(You can buy your own, btw).

7. This update to Maya Angelou’s appearance schedule.

This update to Maya Angelou's appearance schedule.

8. When this trash can had been mistaken for an exit one too many times.

When this trash can had been mistaken for an exit one too many times.

9. This explanation of how rain works.

This explanation of how rain works.

10. This astute sports analysis.

This astute sports analysis.
CSN / Via barnorama.com
Go team, do the sport, win the points!

11. This warning for those afraid that trees have developed magical powers of transportation.

This warning for those afraid that trees have developed magical powers of transportation.

12. When this drink needed to clarify its ingredients.

When this drink needed to clarify its ingredients.

13. When this menu listed its dishes carefully.

When this menu listed its dishes carefully.

14. When the water of the day was as clear as can be.

When the water of the day was as clear as can be.

15. When this store was very upfront about what you can buy there.

When this store was very upfront about what you can buy there.

16. This helpful bathroom notice.

This helpful bathroom notice.

17. This library’s hours.

This library's hours.

18. The allergen information on this pack of eggs.

19. This brilliant Facebook comment.

This brilliant Facebook comment.

20. This nutty observation.

This nutty observation.
“May” is a bit of an understatement.

21. This mathematical calculation.

This mathematical calculation.

22. Pizza Hut’s roadside advertising.

Pizza Hut's roadside advertising.

23. And this, which I’m pretty sure is a broken chair.

And this, which I'm pretty sure is a broken chair.
(BuzzFeed)


You think that the stuff above was as dumb as you can get?  Wrong!!  
Check out these jokes:

Q. What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A. “Where’s my tractor?”

Q. Why did Sarah fall off the swing?  A. She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sarah!!

Q. What’s brown and sticky? A. A stick.

Q. Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? A. Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!

Q. Why did the man with one hand cross the road? A. To get to the second hand shop.\

Q. Why did the picture go to jail? A. Because it was framed.

Q. What did the teddy bear say when he was offered dessert? A. No thanks, I’m stuffed!

Q. Why did the barber win the race? A. Because he took a short cut.

Q. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? A. In case they get a hole in one!

Q. What did the tie say to the hat? A. You go on a head, I’ll just hang around!

Q. What did the porcupine say to the cactus? A. “Is that you mommy?”

Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A. Frostbite.
(buzzsouthafrica.com/funny-stupid-jokes)

















OMG, I have finally discovered what is wrong with my brain.  On the left side there is nothing right & on the right side there is nothing left----minions (& fishducky)