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Thursday, March 23, 2017

UNIVERSAL LAWS

  

These were sent to me by my blogging buddy, Carole.  Thank you, Carole!!


1.Law of Mechanical Repair -
After your hands become coated with grease,
your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to
pee.
2.Law of Gravity -
Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped,
will roll to the least accessible place in the
universe.

3.Law of Probability -
The probability of being watched is directly
proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4.Law of Random Numbers -
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a
busy signal; someone always answers.

5.Variation Law -
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one
you were in will always move faster than the
one you are in now.

6.Law of the Bath -
When the body is fully immersed in water,
the telephone will ring.
7.Law of Close Encounters -
The probability of meeting someone you know
INCREASES dramatically when you are with
someone you don't want to be seen with.
8.Law of the Result -
When you try to prove to someone that
a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!
9.Law of Biomechanics -
The severity of the itch is inversely
proportional to the reach.
10.Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena -
At any event, the people whose seats are
farthest from the aisle, always arrive last.
They are the ones who will leave their seats
several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet
and who leave early before the end of the
performance or the game is over. The folks
in the aisle seats come early, never move
once, have long gangly legs or big bellies
and stay to the bitter end of the performance.
The aisle people also are very surly folk.
11.The Coffee Law -
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee,
your boss will ask you to do something which
will last until the coffee is cold.
12.Murphy's Law of Lockers -
If there are only 2 people in a locker room,
they will have adjacent lockers.

13.
Law of Physical Surfaces -
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich
landing face down on a floor are directly
correlated to the newness and cost of the
carpet or rug.
14.Law of Logical Argument -
Anything is possible IF you don't know
what you are talking about.
15. Law of Physical Appearance -
If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
16.Law of Public Speaking --
A closed mouth gathers no feet!
17.Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy -
As soon as you find a product that you really
like, they will stop making it OR the store will
stop selling it!
18.Doctors' Law -
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go
to the doctor, by the time you get there, you'll feel
better. But don't make an appointment and you'll
stay sick.
If you don't forward this to your friends,
your belly button will unscrew - and your
butt will fall off. Really... It's true. I read it
on the Internet.









I am not weird; I am a limited edition----fishducky

 


15 comments:

  1. I wish rather a lot of those universal laws were wrong. Where they are concerned I am definitely law abiding. And wish I wasn't.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Be careful; you wouldn't want your butt to fall off!!

      Delete
  2. 19. Law of Public Transport: no matter which direction you are headed, the bus going in the opposite direction always arrives first.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You should know; you take the bus a lot!!

      Delete
  3. I need one of those cassettes on "Unwritten Laws."

    ReplyDelete
  4. I know for a fact that everyone of these laws is spot on!

    Except the last one, I've yet to unscrew my belly button, but I have no doubt that if I did it on a bet, one way or another I would lose my ass.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Probably!! A case in point: A man was born with a silver screw in his navel but it never bothered him so he had never had it removed. Later in life he was seeing a new physician & during the exam the doctor asked him about the silver screw. He told him he didn't know why it was there but he had had it all his life & it had never caused a problem. The doctor insisted he be allowed to remove it & he finally consented. The doctor found a screwdriver, sterilized it & removed the screw--& the guy's ass fell off!!

      Delete
  5. I am cursed by Law 17. All I have to do is buy something twice and it becomes obsolete. Ebay is helpful.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do you sell and/or buy on Ebay?

      Delete
    2. Buy, the newly obsolete items. Can always find them there.

      Delete
  6. I would never get out of a nice warm bath or shower to answer the phone. If someone wants to talk to me, call back.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
  7. That #5 Variation Law gets me every time I get in a line! However...I now have an idea for a project that Hick might make money with: building butt-catchers!

    ReplyDelete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.